Best Joke to Tell High?

Gotta be standing next to someone to tell this one....

Q: What's a 12 year old's pussy smell like?
A: {breathe into persons face}

all women that have heard this have hated it and then subsequently hated me for it?
mind you this after they have told me no matter how rude it is - they as a woman would not get offended....well ALL of them were wrong!
Here Goes.....

Q: Whats 8 inches long and is blue and purple, and makes a women scream first thing in the morning? (say that in a sexy manner implying where joke will go)

A: Cot death (and BAM! you say that bluntly)

Ive had 4 slaps across the face and countless disgusted looks thrown at me, so i will never tell this joke around another woman, no matter what she sais!

Susie comes home from school and tells her mother "Johnny showed me his wiener on the playground today." Her mother was speechless. "It reminded me of a peanut", she continued. Feeling relieved, she asked Susie "That small was it?" To this Susie replied, "No, it was salty."

A cop stakes out a bar at closing time for possible DUI violations, he sees a Guy stumble out the bar to his car & try to open his car door but he drops his keys & falls down trying to pick them up at the same time 7 - 10 patrons walk out the bar & get in there cars and leave. The guy finally gets off the ground gets in his car & pulls off the cop immediately pulls him over & gives the guy a breathalyzer, the cop is shocked when the breathalyzer comes back 0.0

The cop demands to know how this is possible.

The guy replies I'm the designated decoy tonite

cheers tricka

i read this somewhere thought it was funny maybe cuz i have a few "rednecks" in the family
Q: how do you castrate a redneck?
A: kick his sister in the jaw

no offence to any rednecks out there

there a couple sitting on the couch one night watching the t.v.

the man looks to his girlfreind, smiles and asks' will you tell me somthing that will make me happy and sad all at the same time.???'

the girlfreind looks to him and says, 'okay'.....she thinks for a second.....'You have a bigger cock than all your mates..'

..............

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."[/FONT]
.....................

the mole ones not to funny so I must redeem myself...

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table.
The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."
"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

2 gerbils are walking down the street.. they come across a gay bar, the one gerbil says to the other gerbil " lets go get shit faced"

tricka said:

sorry................................crap

Click to expand...

what both...aw.... well ,,see if this is any good.

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?” The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire!”

Q: whats the difference between pink and purple?
A: the grip

Q: What the definaition of good, exellent and show off?
A: Spit, Swallow, and Gargle!

bunnyface said:

the mole ones not to funny so I must redeem myself...

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table.
The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."
"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

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Im really baked and missed a page sort of, or its juz my eyes, but that is winning for sure!!

What did the man say to the women with two black eyes?

Nothig he already told her twice.

Not the best joke if females or your other half is around.

great..long as your laughing..

how about...

There was this girl ,Tina,,and she was walking home from school when 2 boys said “Climb up that tree and i will give you £20″ so she did,
then when she got home Tina yelled “hey mum i got £20 from 2 boys because i climbed up a tree.”
“thats good Tina” said her mother,
,and she did the same thing the next day and said to her mum “i got £20 again” .
"you know that there only doing that to look at your nickers." said mother..
“oh” Tina said,,
But the next day she went up the tree and got£20 from the two boys .
“do you remember what i told you” said her mum.
"Yeah,but i outsmarted them,, i took my nickers off"….

old prostitute goes into bar and bets bartender ten dollars that she can out ryme him.he nods his head and she says ....two and three is five and five and four is nine.i can tell how long is yours,butt you cant tell how deep is mine.
bartender takes a moment and as shes grabbing for the money he says.two and three is five and five and four is nine,.i can piss in yours ,butt you cant piss in mine.

A Hawaiian Hunter is out duck hunting in the midwest. He sees a beautiful duck fly he hears a pop, pop, and realizing the man missed he quickly aimmed and fired himself and saw the duck fall in the distance. He manuvered through all the brush to find ANOTHER hunter holding his duck.
"woah woah woah, buddy," says the man "Thats my duck you are holding, I heard you fire twice and when you missed I fired and nailed it and it fell!"
"no no!" said the man "I fired twice shot the duck then after it was falling I heard you fire your gun! I shot this duck!"
The hawaiian hunter said "Hey, lets settle this the way we do in Hawaii, if your brave enough. Roshambo! I'll haul off and kick you in the nuts, you haul off and kick me in the nuts, and we go back and forth back and forth until the man who can't take it anymore is declared the weakest and the other guy keeps the duck as prize. You man enough?"
"Yeah, that sounds fair, i'm tougher than you are!" declares the man holding the duck.
"Stand up" says the hawaiian Hunter and the other man puts down the duck, stands up opens his legs and braces himself.

THe Hawaiian Hunter hauls off and kicks him in the nuts. the second hunter falls to the ground in pain and rolls back and forth, he takes a while to finally stumble back up and says
"OK My turn."

and the hunter says "heh, keep the fucking duck."

tricka said:

meh....a 5

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Darn, thats one of my favorites...

OK, how about this one.


How many irish men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, one to hold the light bulb in place, and the other to drink till the room starts spinning!

(This joke is especially great when drinking on Saint Pattys Day)

Q: Why do midgets laugh when they run?

A: The grass tickles their balls.

Have you guys ever seen Stevie Wonders mother??

Dont worry....neither has he!

If there is a black guy and a mexican guy in a car....who's driving?


The police! haha