See that's funny. but she would've been pissed if you had just given her the broom and dust pan right?
I was tempted to keep her real gifts hidden until Christmas morning and only give her the broom and dustpan at her parent's on Christmas Eve and try to let her think I hadn't been joking.
But I figured things could turn ugly, so I didn't. Later I wished I had. It might have saved me years of being with a lunachick.
You girls don't really like to get cleaning supplies as presents do you?
That would be like a woman getting me Rogaine or Viagra or something for my birthday lol.
Those things could be offensive, but then if a guy did suffer from limber timber Viagra would actually be a very thoughtful gift. Embarrassing maybe, but thoughtful .... and very practical and useful.
I can tell a somewhat humorous Viagra story though. Around 1990 I found I had tachycardia and was put on a medication that regulates my heartbeat. The medication is actually a blood pressure medication but it also does the regulating thing, so that is why it was picked. My blood pressure has always run on the low end of normal and my Doc was a bit concerned that with the blood pressure medication further lowering my blood pressure it might be low enough to cause me problems getting a bone, so he gave me a sack of samples of Viagra and said if you need them, take them and when you run low he would write a prescription.
I was lucky and the blood pressure medication did not have that effect on me but I had this Viagra sitting around and I kept wondering what would happen if I took one. 'The bane of my existence' hadn't moved in with me yet but she would always spend the weekend here, especially in the summer because of the lake behind my house, and the weekend was supposed to be rainy and nasty and it didn't look like we were going to be able to enjoy the lake, so I thought I might try a Viagra and if it did what I half expected it to, I was going to totally wear her out starting moments after she got here.
Being samples there were no instructions on the package and my Doc didn't say anything other than take if needed .. so about 20 minutes or so before she was supposed to get here I took one. She was delayed over an hour, something at work had to be finished, and then she still wasn't done and she brought some of it with her and spent about another two hours working on it .. so my dive on her the second she walked in the door plan had to be pushed back.
I had no idea how long the stuff would stay in my system and was worried that it would be wearing off so I downed a second one.
As soon as she finished I executed my plan .... and I have to admit that the stuff did make a difference. I had always thought I was 'the man of steel' before, but if I had put a drill bit or chisel or hammer on the end of 'it' I could have broken through concrete walls. I felt like 'it' would burst. The skin on my 'weasel' was so tight you couldn't turn it with a Sears wrench.
The amazing part was that 'it' would not go away, not even for a second after 'pop goes the weasel.' This went on most of the evening and most of the night ... and when I fell asleep 'it' was still standing tall and proud. If I tried to sleep on my stomach it was like sleeping on a round piece of wood. (no pun intended.) If I rolled over in my sleep I soon learned to be careful because 'it' would get in the way and rolling over would be like pole vaulting in my sleep ... and it hurt. And even though we slept in after out marathon 'it' was there to greet us in the late morning, so we made good use of 'it' again.
I was like Jack Byrnes/Robert De Niro in "Little Fockers," minus getting the shot.
My girlfriend asked me what in the world I had done or taken, but I was embarrassed to tell the double dose story so I only told part of it. She laughed her ass off at me, which is just what I wanted and needed about then, and then she suggested that I keep them for when they might be needed and not duplicate the event.
It might sound funny, but when you have a constant, continual, never ending 'bone' for that many hours straight, it gets old. You get to the point where you start thinking of filling something up with ice cubes and a little water and jamming 'it' in to try to make 'it' go away, because no normal way of making 'one' go away, even for a short while, worked.
There was a girl that worked for me, who before I bought into the business had become a really good close friend, and I told her the story. I blushed like mad telling her and she giggled up a storm ... but at the end asked if I had any more of them because she wanted to slip her husband one and see what happened. She said he liked rum & Coke's and I said crush one up, dump it in his drink, skim off the blue coating that wouldn't dissolve fast, and then brace herself. The next Monday she told me about it and it was almost exactly like what happened with me, but not as long lasting since I only gave her one to slip him. She said her husband seemed a bit baffled and surprised and at times she almost laughed. But to her the funniest part was for the rest of the weekend her husband acted like he was Superman or something and part of her wanted to burst his bubble and tell him what she'd done, but she didn't and just let him think he was the super stud of all super studs.
