Help!

You can not battle someones addiction.
Be it to money or drugs.
They are irrational so reason is ineffective.
Consequences are all there is.
To keep one from them is not love it is selfish.

Now that sounds horrible
because it is.

But reality like honey badger dont give a shit.

If you keep enabling him and he dies or kills you will be devestated.

if you throw him out and he dies or kills you will be devestated.

Which devestation do you want to be a party to.

I hate that reality is like this.
but it is.

People dont change where there is comfort.

dannyboy602 said:

Mb give the situation a couple months to cool down. In the heat of the moment a lot of bad decisions can be made. Talk to your husband about a deadline for a change in your sons behavior and talk to you son about the seriousness of keeping the family together and how he needs to change himself or face the consequences.

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I would set a hard deadline - 7-10 days & stick to your guns.
You and your husband must both be 100% together on this or your son will for sure cause a divide between you, and that's not what this is about.
My guess is that your son will opt for the lifestyle over his family because that's what a bunch of us dumb ass young guys do (the old folks are always wrong about everything).

I would not give in ~ for his own good.

joe macclennan said:

kinda my point
he has nothing under control as long as mom is protecting him
you are seriously NOT doing him any favors here granny.
what happens if god forbid you get sick???

he's gonna have to fly soon hun. while you can still guide him somewhat.

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I do know your pain, I know what it feels like to turn your back on blood (for their own good).
I don't love my kids any less, but I will not allow them to bring this sort of trouble into our lives.

Check your in-box.

Do you love your husband? If yes, then support his decision because I think your son's choice will not end well and you will be alone. You are the guy's mom, not his wife or lover; you'll be alone (and worrying) while sonny conducts his business, while sonny parties, while sonny is in jail, hospital or graveyard. As others have said, you will merely enable him. I'm 63 and seen alot, trust me and don't screw yours and Dad's lives up as well

Granny weed said:

That's sad Joe, but often the way, she will realise what a good dad you have been when she gets older. I don't know kids who'd have them lol x

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I doubt it granny. she is turning out to be just like him...a real pos unfortunately..i love her dearly and hope I am wrong...but I am not.

she is ruining her life and throwing it away. We have tried repeatedly. There comes a time when you have to focus on those who you CAN help...

Sorry to here this all ,sounds very simular to me as a parent , Not every young adult is the same there is no simple fix, I feel the first thing you need to do is to make sure he is telling you the truth and not using , and really if he has a decent head on his shoulders and knows rite from wrong he can be turned around In the rite direction. maybe not from you but some one he respects or a professional councler at this point and time , but if he is using it might be a losing battle for you and your husband. that will make for very rough times

I would talk with your husband about all 3 sitting down (seriously) tell your husband if he is using force him to rehab.and if he is not using and wants to continue livng in your home family counceling must happen,

I would tell your husband to stop at your local pharmacy and pick up a drug test $20 , ,when you all come to the table put the test on the table and say take the test NOW. well if he dose not want to you have your answer, if he does then see the results ,then at that point you know what you are dealing with and can proceed to see if he agrees to family counceling .

those should be your rules he is a young adult and if he does not comply well then he must go. and that will be his choice at that moment in time, not yours.

He is still to young to relize as you, that your family (real Family) is what life is all about. and not the people now that he considers family as of today

it is you and your husbands strong guidance he needs Now , you can not be split on this ,its all about being a strong family unit rite now. My best wishes for you.........

Granny weed said:

I am in need of some advice from my friends on RIU, my youngest son of whom many of you have heard me talk about as got himself mixed up in something I can't really discuss on here, but my husband does not agree with this situation and told me tonight he is going to ask my son to leave. Needless to say I do not agree with him and a few choice words were spoken, My husband told me If I wanted to go with my son he would sell our home give me my share and I could go with my son. My son is everything to me and I cannot bare the thought of my husband telling him to go, I am not happy with what is going on with my son but I think to ask him to leave is taking it to far and will only put him in harms way even more. So what do I do I feel so afraid for my son, and sick to my stomach the thought of him being rejected by his own flesh and blood. My husband is very stubborn and the more I protest about his decision the more he's determined to tell my son to go, I feel like running away from it all, suggestions please.

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Hey Granny. My younger brother and your youngest son sound as if they've got some stuff in common. Perhaps it's not so much as your husband is "rejecting his own flesh and blood" as it is "showing some tough love". If this is the same son as you've talked about before it sounds as if trouble finds him. Some people are like that and some of those people can only learn the hard way. My younger brother is one of those people that only learns the hard way. After he got arrested again for driving on a suspended license my mom kicked him out of the house and he ended up renting one of my apartments and is doing much better because he doesn't have enough free time or money to get into trouble. Perhaps that's what your son needs. I don't know your family dynamics and don't pretend to, just saying what our family had to do. I hope everything works out for the best. Much love neo.

P.S. maybe this picture will cheer you up a little...

neosapien said:

and is doing much better because he doesn't have enough free time or money to get into trouble. Perhaps that's what your son needs.


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I meant to say that too....COMPLETELY AGREE

and your daughter is too cute neo

I read about half of the posts, and got anxious to proffer my own advice.

Granny, as a former youthful offender (trouble maker) I'll let you in on a secret -- what you see coming to the door is the tip. It's just like an iceberg, can't stop it all away, all you see is the least offensive (the stuff that you can neglect.) Right up until it's too late.

I don't know what your son's into, I don't want to know, it's not relevant.

The gotta' go... It hurts, but it's necessary. Some guidance would be advisable, without it he could wind up in a bad way. But, at 24, a subtle boot isn't inhumane.

@ 24 an unsubtle boot is necessary imo.

There's alot of wisdom based on a few hundred years of experience in these posts Granny. I hope you open yourself to it. Breaking the family to follow your son, who you know is doing wrong, will lead to a terrible life for you and its for naught. Its inevitable, headed to failure. Sorry, I wish you the best

neosapien said:

maybe this picture will cheer you up a little...

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OMG she's absolutely gorgeous. You make beautiful kids Neo.

dannyboy602 said:

You make beautiful kids Neo.

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i'm thinking it's the wife


JKJK neo...you are pretty good lookin I guess....

for a dude

Im sorry granny I cant tell you what to do all I can say is whatever you decide to do is ok some people would kick their kids out some wouldn't. .. there's no right thing to do follow your heart imo your husband shouldn't make you choose between your boy and his decision. .talk to him and set some house rules give your boy the choice either follow our rules or move out...but im the type of person that cant get rid of a pet let alone a person..

I am so sorry Granny. I kinda know your situation. My daughter is as headstrong as I am and I had to tell her to leave shortly after her 18th birthday. She was going with a gang member and it was pretty scary. It became clear that she was not going to listen and I had to have her leave. I did not want to. It scared the shit out of me. I lost many nights of sleep over it. I did not know if she would survive or not. But I had to do it. Thankfully she did come back to me and we are now best friends. As scary and heartbreaking as it was, I hate to think of how it would have ended if I hadn't made her leave.

You will get through this. It will be hard. I wont lie. Good luck in whatever decision you make Granny.


...Mojo - my heart goes out to you hun

its a tough situation.. if he gets kicked out, he got money to keep doing what hes doing. if hes there you know hes good, eating.. all that shit.

I've got friends here who were 24 & 26 years old with a baby. In a country that they can't speak the language. They are a family. They've grown unbelievably in the time I've known them and I'm very proud. So are their families too.

I was 19, had lots of fantastic work opportunities, 3 cars, a bike, a German Shepherd and money to boot. I moved out and got my own flat. I grew up quickly. My sister on the other hand didn't and lived OFF MY MUM til her 30's. My Mum had 2 dependants and only really brought one of them up to be independent. It didn't do her any favours (my sis) and my life in no way parallels hers now.

24 is too old to be living at home Granny and if he can see its causing problems then HE SHOULD WANT to leave and take responsibility for himself.

Its not fair on you and he KNOWS this. Problem is that he knows what side his bread is buttered. Tough love now please.

It helps if u tell us what's going on...but if u wish not to then ok. I would still say its ur sons fault if he got mixed with the wrong crowd. You husband is trying to protect u my guess. Just let him take care of his business and give it a couple weeks

Dannoo93

Ok went threw and read the thread.....ok granny im a 20year old male almost 21 been living on my own 2 years now. What I can say is if my son was dealing drugs he wouldnt be allowed back unless pot lol. But seriously u say he doesnt lie and u know when he is lieing...well sry to brake it to.ya parents think they always know when their kid is lieing but in truth u guys have no clue. He can.say hes not bringing drugs home but I doubt that. My mom treats me the same im her only child she will do almost anything for me but there is a fine line on when she would stop helping me if I was dealing drugs she would stop but I only grow.mmj for me and some sick people. Money does make the world go round but tell ur son to grow the fuck up and do something with himself

Dannoo93

Thank you to you all for your opinions and advice, tonight we will sit and talk, my husband has given him three weeks to find some where else to live, I feel sick at the thought of him going but have not spoken to my husband about it as yet. We slept apart last night I don't think either of us slept, the silence this morning was deafening. My son is shocked at what his dad has said to him but didn't protest at his request, tonight we will talk properly and I will let you know the outcome. I pray to god a solution can be found for my heart is being pulled in two, my daughter is distraught and has tried to speak to her dad about it but he won't discuss it with her, what a mess this is dam this world I sometimes wonder if its all worth it.

Granny weed said:

Thank you to you all for your opinions and advice, tonight we will sit and talk, my husband has given him three weeks to find some where else to live, I feel sick at the thought of him going but have not spoken to my husband about it as yet. We slept apart last night I don't think either of us slept, the silence this morning was deafening. My son is shocked at what his dad has said to him but didn't protest at his request, tonight we will talk properly and I will let you know the outcome. I pray to god a solution can be found for my heart is being pulled in two, my daughter is distraught and has tried to speak to her dad about it but he won't discuss it with her, what a mess this is dam this world I sometimes wonder if its all worth it.

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Chin up girl - this will work itself out & your world will be right again.