That is it Dan what else is there? I mean details?
What you have is very good. I've got a few suggestions that I think help make it more clear what it is you're proposing. I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, so if I've misinterpreted your intent, I apologize.
These are just suggestions meant to help clarify, not to change any of your meanings. If what I've wrote is not your meaning, then please ignore it. My only purpose for doing this is to insure we are accurately measuring the will of the people. Believe it or not, measuring the people's will really is my intent for doing all of this.
Here are my suggestions. Use them, ignore them, it's up to you.
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In order to simplify the issue of cannabis in California for the voter and to attract the largest number of yes voters I propose a common sense approach.
Since two efforts have been voted down that contained commerce language I propose that the efforts to legalize be divided into 3 or more separate efforts so that we can win one or more efforts in 2012.
Focus on getting personal cannabis legalization rights for the people first.
The first thing then is to legalize cannabis for the non-commercial use by the citizens of California.
That would include employment protections such as the right to not be fired for consuming cannabis as well as banning employers and potential employers from testing for cannabis use.
Horticulture rights for citizens, including the right to grow and breed as much cannabis and hemp as they feel necessary for their non-commercial use.
As well as legalizing non-commercial private trading between citizens.
Apply these rights to cannabis to everyone including medical. I don't see why medical people cannot gain ground too.
This will create an atmosphere in the State of California which will allow a transition for our communities and law enforcement.
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I left out the section of your proposal where you mention permits. This:
I have stated that over sight is necessary and that a system of permits can generate revenue for the State. I have stated that a central authority is better than 600 jurisdictions so I am in favor of that if in it's existence all citizens enjoy equal rights to the peaceful and lawful use of cannabis and it's related activities such as horticulture all up and down the State.
I need you to clarify as to what these permits allow and/or who would be getting the permits.
Once that is done, I think you've expressed your intent very well and we can do this.