Wake n Bake, Nothing Better!

curious2garden

curious2garden

Well-Known Mod
Staff member
RetiredToker76 said:
It's just that I should not be allowed to play golf, like ever. I'm very self moderated and know that me + golf club + dimpled ball = financial damages.

Life lesson one age 5: Find a family friend's golf clubs (circa 1940's) in their barn, grab some balls from the bag and do my best to imitate the pros I saw when my dad watched golf on TV. I'm a natural, 1 ball, 3 windows.

Life lesson age 12: Same scenario, find my dad's old golf clubs in the attic (circa 1968 ..) Setup in the front yard. Yep, still a natural, 2 balls, 2 neighbor's windows.

life lesson age 22: Old family friend from age 5, passes away, thinks it's funny to leave the Circa 1940's golf clubs to the little boy that broke 3 windows with one swing in his will. I grab a college buddy and go to the local driving range / put-put. Setup at the driving range, get a $5 bucket of balls. Three balls in, slice one into the barrier, it goes full on pong style and bounces around inside the driving area before bonking myself and another guy in the place in the skull. To this day my buddy and I do not know which one of hit the ball since we both swung in our respective lanes. It was not on purpose, we weren't being stupidly adolescent, we just suck that much. We were invited to never return to the driving range.

Life lesson age 39: Take my 6 year old out mini-golfing at the locally owned urban play area. We get to about hole 8 and I turn around to do some math on the card. While my back is turn, mini-me goes full Happy Gilmore and launches her little pink ball off the hump, over the chain link fence into the parking lot, directly into the rear window of someone's Kia.

It's been 7 years since I had to buy a stranger's rear car window. Just let me have some shade, DJ control, and I'll pass out weed, but do not let me have a golf club under any circumstances. I don't care if there's nothing breakable within 100 miles and you've got post Tin Cup Renee Russo to give me private golf lessons and fix whatever is broken in my genetics. I'll still find a way to break a window or knock someone out somewhere, it could be a helicopter that just happens to fly overhead at the wrong time, if I took the swing, something's breaking.

This is why I play 9-ball, thousands of games since I was 7 and I've only ever broken one window playing pool.... and I was being an adolescent dipshit at the time.
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lokie

lokie

Well-Known Member
shnkrmn said:
You can definitely come golfing with me. I'd even let.you drive the buggy
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RetiredToker76 said:
It's just that I should not be allowed to play golf, like ever. I'm very self moderated and know that me + golf club + dimpled ball = financial damages.

Life lesson one age 5: Find a family friend's golf clubs (circa 1940's) in their barn, grab some balls from the bag and do my best to imitate the pros I saw when my dad watched golf on TV. I'm a natural, 1 ball, 3 windows.

Life lesson age 12: Same scenario, find my dad's old golf clubs in the attic (circa 1968 ..) Setup in the front yard. Yep, still a natural, 2 balls, 2 neighbor's windows.

life lesson age 22: Old family friend from age 5, passes away, thinks it's funny to leave the Circa 1940's golf clubs to the little boy that broke 3 windows with one swing in his will. I grab a college buddy and go to the local driving range / put-put. Setup at the driving range, get a $5 bucket of balls. Three balls in, slice one into the barrier, it goes full on pong style and bounces around inside the driving area before bonking myself and another guy in the place in the skull. To this day my buddy and I do not know which one of hit the ball since we both swung in our respective lanes. It was not on purpose, we weren't being stupidly adolescent, we just suck that much. We were invited to never return to the driving range.

Life lesson age 39: Take my 6 year old out mini-golfing at the locally owned urban play area. We get to about hole 8 and I turn around to do some math on the card. While my back is turn, mini-me goes full Happy Gilmore and launches her little pink ball off the hump, over the chain link fence into the parking lot, directly into the rear window of someone's Kia.

It's been 7 years since I had to buy a stranger's rear car window. Just let me have some shade, DJ control, and I'll pass out weed, but do not let me have a golf club under any circumstances. I don't care if there's nothing breakable within 100 miles and you've got post Tin Cup Renee Russo to give me private golf lessons and fix whatever is broken in my genetics. I'll still find a way to break a window or knock someone out somewhere, it could be a helicopter that just happens to fly overhead at the wrong time, if I took the swing, something's breaking.

This is why I play 9-ball, thousands of games since I was 7 and I've only ever broken one window playing pool.... and I was being an adolescent dipshit at the time.
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Make him pay for the greens fees.
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shnkrmn

shnkrmn

Well-Known Member
RetiredToker76 said:
It's just that I should not be allowed to play golf, like ever. I'm very self moderated and know that me + golf club + dimpled ball = financial damages.

Life lesson one age 5: Find a family friend's golf clubs (circa 1940's) in their barn, grab some balls from the bag and do my best to imitate the pros I saw when my dad watched golf on TV. I'm a natural, 1 ball, 3 windows.

Life lesson age 12: Same scenario, find my dad's old golf clubs in the attic (circa 1968 ..) Setup in the front yard. Yep, still a natural, 2 balls, 2 neighbor's windows.

life lesson age 22: Old family friend from age 5, passes away, thinks it's funny to leave the Circa 1940's golf clubs to the little boy that broke 3 windows with one swing in his will. I grab a college buddy and go to the local driving range / put-put. Setup at the driving range, get a $5 bucket of balls. Three balls in, slice one into the barrier, it goes full on pong style and bounces around inside the driving area before bonking myself and another guy in the place in the skull. To this day my buddy and I do not know which one of hit the ball since we both swung in our respective lanes. It was not on purpose, we weren't being stupidly adolescent, we just suck that much. We were invited to never return to the driving range.

Life lesson age 39: Take my 6 year old out mini-golfing at the locally owned urban play area. We get to about hole 8 and I turn around to do some math on the card. While my back is turn, mini-me goes full Happy Gilmore and launches her little pink ball off the hump, over the chain link fence into the parking lot, directly into the rear window of someone's Kia.

It's been 7 years since I had to buy a stranger's rear car window. Just let me have some shade, DJ control, and I'll pass out weed, but do not let me have a golf club under any circumstances. I don't care if there's nothing breakable within 100 miles and you've got post Tin Cup Renee Russo to give me private golf lessons and fix whatever is broken in my genetics. I'll still find a way to break a window or knock someone out somewhere, it could be a helicopter that just happens to fly overhead at the wrong time, if I took the swing, something's breaking.

This is why I play 9-ball, thousands of games since I was 7 and I've only ever broken one window playing pool.... and I was being an adolescent dipshit at the time.
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Okay. One pocket it is then. Sigh
 
DCcan

DCcan

Well-Known Member
RetiredToker76 said:
Done variations on both of these, but that was working festivals. Golf carts are so much fun when there are no rules. ;)
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Stealing a golf cart is still on my list of things to to. Really need a reliable acomplice, last one chickened out when he started to sober up.
I want to leave a trail of minor havoc behind, right into the cement pond at the clubhouse.
 
Rsawr

Rsawr

Smoke and Mirrors
Staff member
DCcan said:
The liquor is locked up tight at clubs, like a vault.
We'll have to bring our own travel flasks.
Leave a trail of cans, with someone else's fingerprints on them for the authorities to follow.
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Okay, I'll bring one of those big xxx hooch jugs of home made green dragon. Doubles as a musical instrument to play us off the scene. I figure if we killed two birdies with one ball, it would be less evidence left behind...
 
lokie

lokie

Well-Known Member
DCcan said:
The liquor is locked up tight at clubs, like a vault.
We'll have to bring our own travel flasks.
Leave a trail of cans, with someone else's fingerprints on them for the authorities to follow.
Click to expand...
Don't forget about the busniess aspect of this type of adventure.
There is no need to end the festivities prematurely.

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Be sure to accessorize to accommodate everyone in attendance.
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