I'm not sure I'll ever be the same after smoking some deli-cut bacon covered in brown sugar then glazed with real maple syrup the last twenty minutes of a three hour smoke. Ruined me. NOTHING will ever be the same.Thank god it wasn't the bacon. I don't know if I could live with being allergic to it.
inda to wife ''what's for breakfast, honey?"LMAO ....if I have bacon a penis is in order GP.View attachment 3941647
I made pancakes a few months back......I'm no longer allowed to cook when the wife's relatives come to visit.
That was my mother in laws plate.
She seemed hungry
I actually have kind of a funny story to share.
Last night around 2am i was watching some soft porn on my phone before bed , to get relaxed for sleep of course. I've tried the sounds of nature CDs and naked meditation but neither work as good as some softy before bed...anyways I was just finally getting tired when I got a text on my cell ...mind you it's very late ...initially I thought the volume was to loud and momma caught me again...but it was my elderly neighbor who is usually in bed by 6pm .....she said hey I just heard a few loud noises and I think there's someone on our properties ....were the only two houses next to eachother...we both have big properties so it's not like a city neighbor were spaced apart .....our houses use to be dairies back in the day and there's actually an old milk house on her property still ........her husband died a while back and I've known them forever , so she has my number incase of emergency or she needs anything in general.....so I text her back and said stay put il be rite over don't panic........so I grabbed my little friend ((not my penis)) and my slippers and headed out the door ......as soon as I open my side door I heard a noise as well ......of course the elderly neighbor is texting me at panic rate making my phone light up and ring ....blowing my cover to any would be intruder ....so after a few minutes of listening and letting my eyes adjust from soft porn to pitch black warrior vision ..I start walking towards my shop near my driveway ....all the sudden a loud ass noise of something falling startles the fuck outta me and it's on my property under my car port .....so I'm in full on take a motherfucker out mode now .......I get up to the corner and start peaking around and I can hear shuffling and it sounds like people going through my tools ......so I get my light ready as well as my little friend ((not my penis)) and I do a quick 3,2,1 count and go around the corner pointing my little friend ((not my penis)) and shining my light ....and to my surprise there's a momma possum and several smaller ones taking serious interest in little indas bucket of sidewalk chalk...
We all kinda look at eachother in shock and I clap my hands and momma possum turns and leaves and the little ones follow rite behind ...........I haven't seen any possums in a long time here at the house or in the barn .....I have one raccoon that lives outback and I leave dog food out for him to enjoy ....he's huge .
Obviously I text the neighbor and told her I found several intruders and single handedly took care of all of them like a real badass.View attachment 3941679
That's the raccoon I have around the house .....dark pic but you can kinda see him
You lost me at "soft porn".I actually have kind of a funny story to share.
Last night around 2am i was watching some soft porn on my phone before bed , to get relaxed for sleep of course. I've tried the sounds of nature CDs and naked meditation but neither work as good as some softy before bed...anyways I was just finally getting tired when I got a text on my cell ...mind you it's very late ...initially I thought the volume was to loud and momma caught me again...but it was my elderly neighbor who is usually in bed by 6pm .....she said hey I just heard a few loud noises and I think there's someone on our properties ....were the only two houses next to eachother...we both have big properties so it's not like a city neighbor were spaced apart .....our houses use to be dairies back in the day and there's actually an old milk house on her property still ........her husband died a while back and I've known them forever , so she has my number incase of emergency or she needs anything in general.....so I text her back and said stay put il be rite over don't panic........so I grabbed my little friend ((not my penis)) and my slippers and headed out the door ......as soon as I open my side door I heard a noise as well ......of course the elderly neighbor is texting me at panic rate making my phone light up and ring ....blowing my cover to any would be intruder ....so after a few minutes of listening and letting my eyes adjust from soft porn to pitch black warrior vision ..I start walking towards my shop near my driveway ....all the sudden a loud ass noise of something falling startles the fuck outta me and it's on my property under my car port .....so I'm in full on take a motherfucker out mode now .......I get up to the corner and start peaking around and I can hear shuffling and it sounds like people going through my tools ......so I get my light ready as well as my little friend ((not my penis)) and I do a quick 3,2,1 count and go around the corner pointing my little friend ((not my penis)) and shining my light ....and to my surprise there's a momma possum and several smaller ones taking serious interest in little indas bucket of sidewalk chalk...
We all kinda look at eachother in shock and I clap my hands and momma possum turns and leaves and the little ones follow rite behind ...........I haven't seen any possums in a long time here at the house or in the barn .....I have one raccoon that lives outback and I leave dog food out for him to enjoy ....he's huge .
Obviously I text the neighbor and told her I found several intruders and single handedly took care of all of them like a real badass.View attachment 3941679
That's the raccoon I have around the house .....dark pic but you can kinda see him
Epic. From soft porn to marauding marsupial mommas. Tiny ninja bowI actually have kind of a funny story to share.
Last night around 2am i was watching some soft porn on my phone before bed , to get relaxed for sleep of course. I've tried the sounds of nature CDs and naked meditation but neither work as good as some softy before bed...anyways I was just finally getting tired when I got a text on my cell ...mind you it's very late ...initially I thought the volume was to loud and momma caught me again...but it was my elderly neighbor who is usually in bed by 6pm .....she said hey I just heard a few loud noises and I think there's someone on our properties ....were the only two houses next to eachother...we both have big properties so it's not like a city neighbor were spaced apart .....our houses use to be dairies back in the day and there's actually an old milk house on her property still ........her husband died a while back and I've known them forever , so she has my number incase of emergency or she needs anything in general.....so I text her back and said stay put il be rite over don't panic........so I grabbed my little friend ((not my penis)) and my slippers and headed out the door ......as soon as I open my side door I heard a noise as well ......of course the elderly neighbor is texting me at panic rate making my phone light up and ring ....blowing my cover to any would be intruder ....so after a few minutes of listening and letting my eyes adjust from soft porn to pitch black warrior vision ..I start walking towards my shop near my driveway ....all the sudden a loud ass noise of something falling startles the fuck outta me and it's on my property under my car port .....so I'm in full on take a motherfucker out mode now .......I get up to the corner and start peaking around and I can hear shuffling and it sounds like people going through my tools ......so I get my light ready as well as my little friend ((not my penis)) and I do a quick 3,2,1 count and go around the corner pointing my little friend ((not my penis)) and shining my light ....and to my surprise there's a momma possum and several smaller ones taking serious interest in little indas bucket of sidewalk chalk...
We all kinda look at eachother in shock and I clap my hands and momma possum turns and leaves and the little ones follow rite behind ...........I haven't seen any possums in a long time here at the house or in the barn .....I have one raccoon that lives outback and I leave dog food out for him to enjoy ....he's huge .
Obviously I text the neighbor and told her I found several intruders and single handedly took care of all of them like a real badass.View attachment 3941679
That's the raccoon I have around the house .....dark pic but you can kinda see him
That last one isn't looking to relax, her eyes say "Get busy"
He's a long skinny bastard.I accomplished getting him to go the other way..
View attachment 3941731 Have I mentioned my dislike for snakes..
hey, where ya been baby? miss you tons.inda to wife ''what's for breakfast, honey?"
inda's wife "i'm sleeping, go eat a dick!!''
inda's reply ''just did! would you like one as well?"
well played @Indacouch , well played
Corn snake, he's harmless except to mice and rats. Non-venomousI accomplished getting him to go the other way..
View attachment 3941731 Have I mentioned my dislike for snakes..
Thanks for the assessment..lol I figured he was harmless, he wasn't interested in me..Corn snake, he's harmless except to mice and rats. Non-venomous
Word bro. Exactly what i was thinking.$400 in tackle!
Fuck youDecided to move back to texas