I'm an awesome chef, I can make a mean poptart...

Alienwidow

Alienwidow

Well-Known Member
Ninjabowler said:
A bitchin ham and egg McMuffin:
-grab a frozen ass english muffin outta the freezer and leave it on the table and go back to bed.
-after you wake up again try and pry its half frozen halves apart without smashing the shit outta it. Then put it in the toaster but dont toast it until the last minute.
-heat up your pan to medium and add a chunk of butter, then an egg.
-poke the egg with your finger real fast to break the yolk so you dont burn yourself. (Nobody wants hot egg yolk running down their bare chest and onto their genitals because lets be honest, who wears clothes while making breakfast?)
-fold a big piece of ham in half and toss er next to the egg, then a slice of cheese on the ham so it gets all melty.
-now is a good time to toast the muffin, when it comes out chuck it into the pan and soak up as much butter as you can on the side that always hits the floor when you drop it.
-slap it all together trying not to drop it on the floor and enjoy with an ice cold coca-cola because its 4pm and the time for coffee has come and gone.
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This guy sounds cool. I wish he was still around.
 
Alienwidow

Alienwidow

Well-Known Member
Ninjabowler said:
How to make ravioli
-get real drunk
-open the freezer and find the one year old bag of frozen raviolis in there
-put some water on the stove and turn it on to post Hiroshima
-stumble back to the boiling water with the raviolis in hand, youll probably drop them all on the floor cause your hammered drunk, but the strainer will take care of the dog hair eventually so theres no worries there
-set the timer for six minutes on your phone because while your out smoking a cigarette youll forget you were even cooking
-use your hammer and screwdriver to open the sauce can cause theres no way youll find a can opener while your smashed. Tools of destruction on the other hand come out of nowhere.
-strain the ravioli with whatever you have that has holes in it. Tennis racquet works fine if your in a bind.
-then put it back in the pot with the sauce thats been warmed and garnish with whatever the hell isnt rotten in the fridge and enjoy.View attachment 3288057View attachment 3288058 View attachment 3288059 Enjoy!
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Yup, this guy sounds fun.
 
Alienwidow

Alienwidow

Well-Known Member
curious2garden said:
You know so many of us thought he might be related to @ClaytonBigsby but there is ONLY ONE Clayton Bigsby! Odd tho I get the feeling he is still with us in spirit.
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Were all not related, but ill punch him in the pee hole when i see him for you. Last time i saw him he got me to come over and work all damn day and then paid me in tar! Just threw it in the back of my truck Then i asked him if he wanted to go for some food (implying that the tar Laying in the back of my truck wasnt enough for the work and he should buy me a damn beer) but he said he had to go home. So instead he just took my beer and gave it to his friends when i wasnt around and ignored me till i left. Before i left he chased my dog all around for some reason, i dont know what the fuck he was on but its clay, actually now that i think about it im pretty sure he was huffin paint for a while with his friend. Yup, next time i see him hes gettin dick punched for sure.
 
curious2garden

curious2garden

Well-Known Mod
Staff member
Alienwidow said:
Were all not related, but ill punch him in the pee hole when i see him for you. Last time i saw him he got me to come over and work all damn day and then paid me in tar! Just threw it in the back of my truck Then i asked him if he wanted to go for some food (implying that the tar Laying in the back of my truck wasnt enough for the work and he should buy me a damn beer) but he said he had to go home. So instead he just took my beer and gave it to his friends when i wasnt around and ignored me till i left. Before i left he chased my dog all around for some reason, i dont know what the fuck he was on but its clay, actually now that i think about it im pretty sure he was huffin paint for a while with his friend. Yup, next time i see him hes gettin dick punched for sure.
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You say that but .......... you know Clayton he's a force of nature.
 
Resinhound

Resinhound

Well-Known Member
Diabolical666 said:
Anyone like to share some quickie recipes???
Can be anything: your fav yummy quick snack, quick dinners, bfast, lunch, potluck recipes, desserts




View attachment 3287893

A Mean Poptart:
-Unbox your fucking tart.( Make sure its not fucking broken, leave that one for someone else)
-Unpackage your fucking tart and pop it in the fucking toaster on low setting
-Take a huge fucking rip off the bong while staring at the toaster
-When the fucking tart pops, carefully take it out of the toaster and fucking plate it (do this fast or you'll fucking burn yourself)
-Garnish your fucking poptart with your choice of garnish
-Eat. Enjoy
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A master in the baking....
 
Big_Lou

Big_Lou

Well-Known Member
Hookabelly said:
Me and Mae Ploy go way back. I like the Panang Curry paste. Those don't look like potatoes. are they fried Zucchini?
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Oooooh the curry pastes are nice. I was slathering some pumpkin/nut curry on some breasts and veggies the other night.
They are strips of a large chef's potato, BIG boys that I get locally for .25 each. (Sometimes they let me dig them up myself.) Each big one yields about 6-10 of the larger strips/wedges. I just do them in a basic/essential style: Grease 'em up and season them with my house blend(s). The color is due to a long while crisping in the oven to achieve tuber perfection.

Wifey is a big fan, especially when there is salad & fried fish alongside.
 
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