there is no sane max ...........nature took that option away from me at 13
there is manic max
there is depressed max
there is sudical max
and final numb max .....numb max is where i live most of my life (apathetic....i just do not care enough to want to care)
oh pill zombie max .....when i take the pills they say controls bi polar (they lie there is nothing that does it..... it is all supressive anti seizure/epileptic drugs.....taken those pills is like living 3 steps behide everyone the amount of energy it takes to complete a full thought )
i will end up losing to it .....we all do ......robin williams (man had it all he could of just sat on a island and gotten shitty drunk for rest of life ......bi polar always wins) it is just matter of how long u can last and i have out lasted everyone predictions including my own (personally i do not care about life i am just waiting for some natural cause to kill me .....until then i need something to keep me from getting bored and building things i should not) hence why i come here looking for new things to think about grown weed
Not implying any thing with this post, but i want to share, though i seem to always divulge the morbid details of my life here.
Suicide is rife in my family, i have struggled with my own periods of helplessness and frustration which very easily could have produced a similar fate.
I have heard every self help expression to avoid these tendencies and could negate them all, with a 'so what?'
Two weeks ago an old friend of mine hanged himself. That would make 10 people directly in my circle through out my life that have hung themself.
Each one of them could not see past their own situation.
When i digress, i remember these people. I remember the lasting trauma, the shock and frustration of the waste of a life.
These people could have affected some positive change in this world. They could have used their lives for a purpose, what ever that purpose might have been.
Frustration over things you cant change, whether it be an episode from the past that you wish were different, or a current issue, is an absolute waste of time and emotion.
When you reach that brick wall that you cant seem to get through or over, remember, you can take a moment to step backwards.
From that step backwards you can sidestep to another path and go around or avoid that path completely.
I am on my own mission, many will not understand it. Im only on it because i chose to come down this road, I have created a greater purpose for my existence, if i were to sacrifice my life for this purpose now, I will do so happy, knowing that the pain it would cause those that love me, would be justified for the greater good of everybody.
You better believe it would have to be a very particular set of circumstances that would cause this scenario.