Its a natural bodily function so which one have you done ????
- Thread starter 0calli
- Start date
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Oh OK. A catheter was involved ... I needn't worry that you'll fall over dead quite yet.
I can imagine having a cock fart must have been unsettling. They're supposed to shut up and take the beating. What kind of sound ... ? cn
0calli
Well-Known Member
Bhahahahahahah what kind of sound your fuking killing me lol sounded like you know a idling dirt bike nannna nannna that continuosly with a fart sound of tightly puckerd lips
oh ok. A catheter was involved ... I needn't worry that you'll fall over dead quite yet.
I can imagine having a cock fart must have been unsettling. They're supposed to shut up and take the beating. What kind of sound ... ? Cn
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
... a Two-Stroke? ~grin~ cn
Jack Harer
Well-Known Member
No, You're the only one!!! FREAK!!! Thank you for sharing............LOL
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
The Man with the Yodeling Unit. cn
BillyBobJoe
Active Member
I'd almost have to imagine a cock fart as a pleasurable experience
BillyBobJoe
Active Member
This was my favorite shit joke before reading the steakhouse one:
I went to Home Depot recently, while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "you're definitely going to shit yourself" road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2". Despite habanero* peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as "thunder and lightning".
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den. Upon entering the store, at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms when the pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about.* I'm referring to that "Uh Oh, Shit, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong*
time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneros in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom, they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms, which would bring sweet relief, it happened.The peppers fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud, the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor, so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh . . . BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing.* When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new laugh, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.* Suddenly things were no longer funny. "It" was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal ass-Xplosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time, I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of, 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?", then quickly left.
Once finished, I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.* The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two, which ought to take care of the problem."
My smirking, of course, set me off again, causing residual gasses to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniousl*y escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's.* I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole*
matter.
Those bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
I went to Home Depot recently, while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "you're definitely going to shit yourself" road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2". Despite habanero* peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as "thunder and lightning".
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den. Upon entering the store, at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms when the pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about.* I'm referring to that "Uh Oh, Shit, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong*
time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneros in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom, they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms, which would bring sweet relief, it happened.The peppers fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud, the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor, so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh . . . BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing.* When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new laugh, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.* Suddenly things were no longer funny. "It" was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal ass-Xplosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time, I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of, 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?", then quickly left.
Once finished, I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.* The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two, which ought to take care of the problem."
My smirking, of course, set me off again, causing residual gasses to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniousl*y escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's.* I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole*
matter.
Those bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
0calli
Well-Known Member
thats epic so epic lmfao
0calli
Well-Known Member
bahahahahahahahahaahahahahahhah aaaahhhhhhh hahahahahahhahaha
LJ6
Well-Known Member
omfg ive never laughed so much in my life. but i got a couple more shits
THE WOUNDED BEAR SHIT
The shit that you have to violently push out of your ass. Usually has blotches of red(blood) because of how hard you were pushing
THE WTF SHIT
the shit that you turn to look at and it makes you say out loud "wtf how did that come out of my ass". usually in the shape of an L
THE GREEN LANTERN SHIT
The smelly green shit that nobody wants to see
THE BUFFALO WILD WINGS SHIT
if youve ever ate at buffalo wild wings this needs no explanation. usually in liquid form it can happen anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours after injesting b-dubs. but after you feel like a million bucks
THE EEL SHIT
One nasty motherfucker thats long and is half hidden in the toilet hole.
THE BEACHED WHALE SHIT
A shit that somehow misses the water and lands on the dry toilet bowl. usually resulting in some wicked skid marks
THE SHOWER SHIT
after wiping your ass 20 times you say fuck it and jump in the shower armed with a family members pink shower scrunchy
THE WOUNDED BEAR SHIT
The shit that you have to violently push out of your ass. Usually has blotches of red(blood) because of how hard you were pushing
THE WTF SHIT
the shit that you turn to look at and it makes you say out loud "wtf how did that come out of my ass". usually in the shape of an L
THE GREEN LANTERN SHIT
The smelly green shit that nobody wants to see
THE BUFFALO WILD WINGS SHIT
if youve ever ate at buffalo wild wings this needs no explanation. usually in liquid form it can happen anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours after injesting b-dubs. but after you feel like a million bucks
THE EEL SHIT
One nasty motherfucker thats long and is half hidden in the toilet hole.
THE BEACHED WHALE SHIT
A shit that somehow misses the water and lands on the dry toilet bowl. usually resulting in some wicked skid marks
THE SHOWER SHIT
after wiping your ass 20 times you say fuck it and jump in the shower armed with a family members pink shower scrunchy
ChronicObsession
Well-Known Member
I'm a Stool #4/5 kinda guy. And while we are disgussing our dook, I will add that shitting while standing is a great way to make sure the bowel is completely evacuated. Usually I shit standing up wherever I go, never bothering to hover or any silly thing like that. Toilet Seats are for pissing on, not reading the news paper. Time me, I can shit in 60 seconds from entering the commode. That's fecal health, guys. PooPiece Out!
0calli
Well-Known Member
def 2 stroke with a hit of nos ev ery now and then
0calli
Well-Known Member
anytime bugz
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
bbbbbWAAbbbbbbbbWAbbbb lol
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Not a shit story but a toilet one.
When i was young and scientific, I would collect mosquito larvae and pupae from our local puddles and set them under the microscope for (bwahahaaaha) experiments. Once I dumped the survivors into the upstairs toilet, but didn't flush. Half an hour later, my kid sister was in that bathroom ... and I heard a scream. cn
When i was young and scientific, I would collect mosquito larvae and pupae from our local puddles and set them under the microscope for (bwahahaaaha) experiments. Once I dumped the survivors into the upstairs toilet, but didn't flush. Half an hour later, my kid sister was in that bathroom ... and I heard a scream. cn
0calli
Well-Known Member
bahahahaha thats funny gotta try it lol