Great Stoner Quotes

ctmjrhoops2 said:

so frat buddies and i are chillen at one of the members house. there are like 5 of us. getting high and drinkin. we decide to make a gravity bong in the kitchen. after we all hit it and of the guys is like we need to finish this bag of weed and the only way to do that is through this gravity bong. Mind you there is about a 1/8th in the bag. Someone makes the mistake of suggesting we barricade ourselves in so I, being high as shit, go into the living room and grab the couch to barricade ourselves in. I proceed to stand the couch on its side and put it in the doorway and close the other doors that lead to the kitchen. After we take a couple turns of the grav bong I start wigging out cuz i've hit "marijuana hell" (you get so high where you start freakin out and cant control it) then the quote comes:

"Stop freaking out and put the couch back where you found it."

we all died laughing for about 5 minutes.

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This LOL'd me

'i went home the other day and started stroking my sister's bag.
i thought it was my cat!'

one day me and my friends were hitting a bowl then one had to leave but he took the lighter with him and repeatedly said he didnt but as he was driving away screamed thanks for the green BIC. that was the only lighter...

From Timothy Leary, the man you who really liked LSD-a lot, 'If I had known I'd live this long I'd taken better care of my body.'

While being arrested
Officer: Do you have anything in your pockets that can cut or hurt me?

Me: Ugh...... nope!

Officer: What do you call these? (found 2 small box cutters in pocket)

Me: Oh those are just blunt splitters.


After arrest, in court.
Lawyer: How do you know he had urine in the bladder of the Whizzinator?

Probation Officer on stand: Well it was yellow.

Lawyer: Did you Smell it?

Probation Officer on stand: No

Lawyer: Stick your finger in a twirl it around?

Probation Officer on stand: No..

Lawyer: Well sir, I certainly hope you didn't taste it.

Probation Officer on Stand:............


I won that case lmao!

Im watching the boondocks, Grandad just smoked a joint starts looking around then say " Damn, its beautiful." lol

"Am I driving ok?.... Ithink were parked man...."

I'm so high you couldn't reach me with a fuckin antenna. -smokeymcpotz

jfgordon1 said:

haha it's amazing how toking makes you over think things sometimes

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Speaking of overthinking I hAve a pretty long story from one of my first times smoking
me and two friends were blazin from a water bottle pipe behind a building across the street from our local mall. After about seven or eight bowls ( schwag) I blacked out when I woke I was walking across th highway back to the mall, one of my friends somehow made it to the mall by the time I was at theroqd about to cross my other friend was behind me saying she was looking for a piece of her lung that she coughed up, I got into the mall parking lot and noticed a white suv with flaming oil dripping under the engine area ne t thing I know the whole front of the car is blazin and my friend behind me starts saying that it is going to blow up and we will die so ifreak out and take off jogging to down the highway all the way to an h e b about 3 miles down the road( the whole time contemplating how I was going to tell my parents I was blazin and had been for a while but never did thank godlol)then used an old ladies phone to call my parents to pick me up. Still don't kno why lmfqo

I was smoking a blunt with me ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time) when she said that she never smoked weed. I looked at her a little weird and asked her what she meant. She said that while I was gone for the month and a half, she promised that she wouldn't smoke weed. She just looked at me and told me to put the blunt, lit end, in my mouth and blow. So I did. After she slapped her leg and coughed for a bit she said "I never touched the stuff." Shortly after we used a McDonalds straw on the end of the blunt. It was an amazing night.

One time after hot boxing my cousin's camper we came out for some fresh air and one of my friends started playing with a pogo stick and i was like "Dude what if we saw a midget riding a pogo stick?. He'd hop up to eye level each hop" and then we started talking about midgets

Whoa, I thought I had feet in my shoes. But I did!

"Dude, gimme that candle."
"Thats not a candle its a match."

shit this threads dyin out, we gotta strike it up again.

M group of friends are chalk full of stupid shit...

1. holy shit a second
2. Flavor flav said "its flavor flav in the place to be, i went to saint john university. Phych, cuz i never went to college." we cracked up

A LOT of shits gonna go down when pigs can fly... lol

lol thats brilliant

that's a quote i thought of my own situation where i live, i don't know if anyone said it before if so let me know so i can check him/her out: I've been under the perfect sun and yet it's so illegal to smile under its shine.

A friend from college asked a group of us when we were all stoned ''If I get chinese eyes when im stoned, what do chinese people get!!!'' we all got stomach cramps from laughing so much.