Great Stoner Quotes

Whilst trying to reverse a 40 foot canal boat out of a yard with other boats EVERYWHERE, I was stoned as fuck and had 9 people shouting at me cos i was doing it all wrong.

"FUCKING SHUT UP YOUR MAKING ME NERVOUS!"
 
while walking through a field after blazing, came across a large puddle

"holy shit! it's a river!"

stared at it for about a minute, amazed, then realized everyone else had already passed it and was leaving

you had to be there
 
Last weekend:

Friend: "Shit, man, I don't feel good, man. I feel like those cars, man...those cars be creapin'. Like, they be creapin'.

Me: And what's gonna happen if they see us, man? Jack shit.

Friend: Naw, man. We're gonna be in trouble (in a sing-song voice).

Me: (stereotypical slave voice) We gonna be in whole HEAPS of trouble!
 
*chillin in a hotboxed car when a song comes on the radio*
This is the only way my friend was able to voice his distaste for the song(wish i could remember the song):
"This song is like big clumps of grass."
 
okay i dont have a quote but i got a story. okay so i was smoking out my bro and our blunt was at a roach and i had my third finger just hanging on the cherry for like 10 seconds and i couldnt feel it then my brother looked at me and said "if you dont take your finger off that it will start on fire" the statement isnt funny but you should have seen his face.
 
"look dude, thats the door. when you go through it, you're in another room.. do you know what the means man? DO YOU? it means you just changed habitats, like the little bunny rabbit at the stream"

my friend said this while i was recording us takin hits from the bong in his garage
 
funny ass episode of homer on weed coming home from work all baked and walk into the next room and says, "What!?!?...
WE HAVE A KITCHEN!!!!" (simpsons did it)
 
heres one i made up 30 years ago"whats my name were's my lunch box"i used to be so out of it come mourning.
 
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