Anyone know any jokes?

I haven't heard an original joke since I was like 16. My go to joke? What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?



....Dam.

Yea, it's that bad, certainly someone has some new material here.

You.







Okay, just busting your balls bro. How about a terrible racist one that'll condemn my soul to hell?

Absolutely! Let's hear it!

My 9 year old kid told me this one

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?









Roberto

Beats me...

oh lol i didn't see the response down there....

Haha your 9 year old told you that?

knock knock... whos there...deeeeeeeeeze nuhhhhhhhtts

I don't have jokes just a grip of blue dream and gorilla glue cuts!!! But not one joke!

mr sunshine said:

I don't have jokes just a grip of blue dream and gorilla glue cuts!!! But not one joke!

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Damn that's low man, real low...

How many polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

i was in walmart today and saw this blind man pick up his dog and start swinging it around his head , so i ran over and said 'what the fuck are you doing ' he said 'he was just having a look around'

There were 2 English guys at the tapas bar that wanted to take out 2 beers.
" dos coños para llevar" instead of "dos cañas para llevar". 'coño' means slut!

They asked for 2 take out whores!

Q: How do you stop your neighbours kids from playing in your backyard?

...


A: Molest them.

Q: What is the number one cause of child-molestation?

...


A: Sexy kids!

I'm calling the queen's cowboys over that one.

Longer joke, very PG:

A robber has broken into a home when the owners are away. He is in the bedroom, going through the jewellery cabinet in the dark....when he hears a voice behind him...

"Jesus is watching you"

The robber, startled, looks around, and doesn't see anything....so he figures it was just his imagination - and he moves on to the safe. Then again he hears...

"Jesus is watching you".

"What the F*ck, who said that???!?!?", says the robber...and he shines his flashlight around the room....until he sees a parrot.

"Was that YOU making all that noise?" The robber asks.

"I just wanted to let you know that Jesus was watching you..."

"Are YOU Jesus?" the robber asks.

"No, my name is Moses." replies the parrot.

"bahahahahahahaha, what kind of morons name their parrot Moses???!!!!?!", mocks the robber.

"The same kind of moron's that name their Rottweiler JESUS"


AND SCENE!

Steve French said:

I'm calling the queen's cowboys over that one.

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Thanks for the new term! I am going to try to download this movie!!!

Well, I was referring to the RCMP, but that works too.