All your shitty jokes
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tyler.durden
Well-Known Member
A man sat and watched the news with his cute, blonde girlfriend. The news anchor reported, "Two Brazilian skydivers fell to their deaths when their parachutes failed to open..." The blonde burst into an uncontrollable, desperate crying fit. The man, perplexed by this seemingly disproportionate display of emotion, dutifully patted her back and said, 'It's okay, babe. It'll be okay'. The blonde replied through her tears, 'but it's just so HORRIBLE! How many is in a Brazilian again?'
tyler.durden
Well-Known Member
What did Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both came on little white crackers.
solakani
Well-Known Member
Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in Cork during his
tour of Ireland. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical
manner, unaware as to who the golf pro is.
As Tiger leans over to get out of the car, two tees
fall out of his top pocket onto the ground.
"What are they son?"asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger Woods.
"And what would they be for then?" inquires the Irish man.
"They're for resting my balls on while I'm driving" says Tiger Woods.
"Jaysus," says the Irish man, "them boys at BMW think of everything!!!
tour of Ireland. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical
manner, unaware as to who the golf pro is.
As Tiger leans over to get out of the car, two tees
fall out of his top pocket onto the ground.
"What are they son?"asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger Woods.
"And what would they be for then?" inquires the Irish man.
"They're for resting my balls on while I'm driving" says Tiger Woods.
"Jaysus," says the Irish man, "them boys at BMW think of everything!!!
unclejoebob
Member
Hey wanna know somethin'?
None of ya damn business, and kiss my ass!
None of ya damn business, and kiss my ass!
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solakani
Well-Known Member
Nowadays, you have to be able to explain the birds & the bees...
The bees & the bees...
The birds & the birds...
The birds that used to be bees...
The bees that used to be birds...
The birds that look like bees...
Plus bees that look like birds but still got a stinger!!!
The bees & the bees...
The birds & the birds...
The birds that used to be bees...
The bees that used to be birds...
The birds that look like bees...
Plus bees that look like birds but still got a stinger!!!
solakani
Well-Known Member
Lady wakes to find husband sobbing at the side of the bed.
Why are you crying?
Do you remember when we met, we got pregnant and your father gave me a choice of a shotgun wedding or 40 years in jail?
Yes.
I be getting out today.
... and that's when the fight started
Why are you crying?
Do you remember when we met, we got pregnant and your father gave me a choice of a shotgun wedding or 40 years in jail?
Yes.
I be getting out today.
... and that's when the fight started
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solakani
Well-Known Member
A man wanted to teach his sons the evils of alcohol
So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.
He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.
He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"
His son thought about it for a second and says "well if I drink bourbon I won't get worms"
So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.
He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.
He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"
His son thought about it for a second and says "well if I drink bourbon I won't get worms"
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