OK two stories here. They don't involve me OR Jill lol. They're just things I took care of when I worked in the ER.
This woman comes into the ER screaming bloody murder. She has a really nice, business-y pant suit on, except she's holding a jacket around her waist and she's holding her pants up. Apparently, she was in her office at work and decided to call her boyfriend and get a little freaky phone time in. He told her to play with herself for him. She did. He told her to put something in there that would feel like him. She chooses the neck of an empty glass Sobe Wisdom bottle. (I know. If THAT'S the size of bottle that reminded her of her husband...but I digress) The bottle creates a suction inside of her. The more she tries to pull it out, the harder the suction becomes. She actually waited and pulled on that thing until the suction started pulling her uterus into the bottle. I had to hike up her legs in stirrups, wrap the bottle with a blanket, and break the end off of it to break the suction. I can't even imagine how she made it out of an office building with a bottle stuck up her hoo. We had a nice, awkward conversation about appropriate sex toys.
The other one (poor guy): a gay couple comes in. The one who is obviously here to be seen is a white man, wrapped up in a blanket, shaking, and he literally who looks gray. I'm not kidding. Him and his boyfriend had gotten a huge frozen sausage and, well....you get the idea. Anyway they got it in too far and they couldn't get it out. But this guy was so embarrassed about coming in to the ER that he stayed at home for hours trying to get it out. Meanwhile, it's defrosting inside of him and slowly poisoning him. I felt so bad for him. The doctors got it out though. He's a good friend of mine now lol.
They have girl scout costumes
