The UK Growers Thread!

dura72

Well-Known Member
I was sacked today for having sex in the back of my taxi with a customer.

I say taxi...
...technically it's a hearse.
 

dura72

Well-Known Member
My wife and I were at her parents house last night for dinner. At the dining table my wife asked me to pass her the salt. I shook my head and refused to pass it to her, resulting in her having to reach all the way across me to get it.

She turned to me and said " Could you seriously be any more immature?"

So I pulled my trousers down, took the pineapple from the fruit bowl, placed it on my head, and began the Macarena dance.

That'll teach the bitch not to test me.
 

tip top toker

Well-Known Member
What's thirteen inches long and makes a woman scream?

Cot death
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


what do you do after raping a blind, deaf and dumb girl?

break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

Hehe, these make me giggle ever so slightly
 

dura72

Well-Known Member
Eighteen year old virgin.
No recollection from the victim.
No witnesses.

Carlsberg don't do rapes....
 

dura72

Well-Known Member
If Star Wars Was Set In Glasgow..

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Celtic top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him as Wanky-Nobby.

Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd'

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.

Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.

The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or - leave it unattended in Easterhouse.
 

sambo020482

Well-Known Member
always does wat you have sambo ?
filit with cheese m8 always seems to me they keep the best bits of chicken for the plain ol filit burger??? either that or i smoke to much and am even getting paranoid bout kfc now lmao still i swear when ya get a zinger or filit tower the chicken breast is never as big n juicy as just the plain ol filit???
 

las fingerez

Well-Known Member
filit with cheese m8 always seems to me they keep the best bits of chicken for the plain ol filit burger??? either that or i smoke to much and am even getting paranoid bout kfc now lmao still i swear when ya get a zinger or filit tower the chicken breast is never as big n juicy as just the plain ol filit???
i'm gonna get both next time and find out lmao ;)
 

rollajoint

Well-Known Member
filit with cheese m8 always seems to me they keep the best bits of chicken for the plain ol filit burger??? either that or i smoke to much and am even getting paranoid bout kfc now lmao still i swear when ya get a zinger or filit tower the chicken breast is never as big n juicy as just the plain ol filit???
lmao you want to stop smoking matee
 

las fingerez

Well-Known Member
morning bro hahaha my body thinks its just under 2 hours sleep is enough for today lmao :( kfc for breaky then yeah? hmmm actualy 5.01am mc'd d's have just started but its a long walk down there lmao
 

sambo020482

Well-Known Member
morning bro hahaha my body thinks its just under 2 hours sleep is enough for today lmao :( kfc for breaky then yeah? hmmm actualy 5.01am mc'd d's have just started but its a long walk down there lmao
m8 thought i was the only nutter up at this time only had 3hrs meself, got me wanting a mc ds breekie now ya lol
 

supersillybilly

Well-Known Member
Morning guys, how are you all. Surprisingly didn't get the drink sweats last night. Result. Think my Nevilles are not going to go anywhere near the 14 week mark. Thats me nearly completed the 6th week and by looking at them and the way they are sucking energy from the big fan leafs, I would say another 3-4 weeks max. It has a real hash smell at the moment. I'll get pic up 2morrow
 

dura72

Well-Known Member
hangover free but still feeling a bit mongo'ed from the amatryptaline, ah well here goes anither day aff the drink.
 

dura72

Well-Known Member
"The problem with quotes from the internet is that you can never quite be sure they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln
 
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