I had brain surgery 3 times (last one at 5 yrs old), since I was born 10 weeks preterm, weighed 3 lbs 4 1/2 ounces at birth, had a problem with my intestines, then complication with my right lung, then had a hydrocephalus meaning the water in your brain can't go down the spine since the passage is blocked. A ventricular catheter was surgically installed, malfunctioned , so it was changed (twice). I was also told I got LOTS of oxygen.
Today, I have some problems with vision, short term memory loss, and tremors, but I'm alive .. and the odds we WAY against my survival so honestly, it would be hypocritical not to see the bright side of things.
I've got an auto mechanics degree, I'm a graduate Chef (wasn't easy), I've taken an electronics course when I was around , It has honestly never really prevented me from prospering, living a normal life ..
Id like to say that the fact that you lived with epilepsy as a kid has toughen you quite a bit, I won't say emotionless, desensitized is more appropriate.
It takes a lot of guts to step up, and talk about ones problems, you're doing a good thing by talking to ppl on this forum, you're also being true to yourself.
The next time you have thoughts like these, you'll be more in piece with yourself. I don't know much about epilepsy, there are different types, all I can say is Good luck to you, your loved ones will be by your side, and your friends will be with you during your recovery.