Before I ask, just know.. this is more of a conversation starter than a question because nobody can tell me why God would allow so much suffering.

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urhighness

Active Member
A year and a half ago, my 15 year old son was murdered. Corban was my ride or die.. more than my child, my best friend, the best person I have ever met. Reconfirming what we all already know, "The good die young." So then we are all just left behind in silence with the not good enough group that gets to stick around like cock roaches... suffering, existing, attempting to figure out how to get it right, no better than rats filling their bellies, seeking shelter and repeating the process till our hard work is dwindled down to shitting on ourselves and slowly rotting to death
....
Seriously tho
When life gets broke down so far from a pain so desperate to be done, food has no taste, the sun has no warmth, and you realize there will never be a better time in your life than what has already been had... there is nothing left worth having.
In the Bible, a man would wrestle with God thru the night

Hell I been tryn to fight him for a year and a half now. Silence. Just silence is my response
In the Bible, Satan went to God and asked permission to do bad things to Job, and God allowed it. He allowed the devil to torment his faithful servant.
Can we also touch on forgiveness while we are at it?? Some people expect I should forgive the pos killer that stole Corban's whole life away???? Should we forgive Satan then??? Will God forgive Satan???? Highly unthinkable.

You know.. all these idioms make 0 sense once you have something mind numbingly terrible happen to you. This will never be right or acceptable, in any realm.

And I don't even expect a good answer or I would've probably heard or thought of it in this past silent year and a half.
 

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mudballs

mudballs

Well-Known Member
Im sorry for your lose, truly.
I watched my grandmother bury her son, ive seen sorrow that escapes words. I also have suffered abject sorrow, ill not share that resume.
So ive always been a deep thinker, why such pain?
I feel it is beyond words to describe and we only use symbols in an attempt to make tangible the intangible, the indescribable.
I'm spiritual more than any religious affiliation so i do look for answer wherever i may find them.
The best soothing symbolism ive find for this wheel of life is from Avatar.seriously, out of all the scriptures, vendicism, science...it's Avatar that nailed it.
“Our Great Mother does not take sides, Jake. She protects only the balance of life.”
God doesn't care what we do, or what happens..only that dark will never overcome light, fire will never be snuffed by water. And that we will be accepted back by him at the end.
Im so sorry you walk in pain, may you find an answer to your intangible questions.
 
Cookie Rider

Cookie Rider

Well-Known Member
I feel your pain.
That saying “grief is love with no where to go” stuck in my head.
It’s a lifelong process.
Try to focus on the good memories.
Your loved ones will be on your mind almost constantly, try to make it a way to make you happy. By remembering a funny thing they did or something.
I’m not saying just flip a switch, but try to help yourself find an easier way to carry this weight you must feel.

I hope you get some accountability,
and peace with that.
Don’t give up. I live with grief from fentanyl taking more friends than I care to count.

Sorry for your loss.
 
Nixs

Nixs

Well-Known Member
If you know for certain that he went to a far better place, wouldn't that give you some kind of comfort.
Do some charity work in his name, he would like it from you.
 
Wattzzup

Wattzzup

Well-Known Member
urhighness said:
A year and a half ago, my 15 year old son was murdered. Corban was my ride or die.. more than my child, my best friend, the best person I have ever met. Reconfirming what we all already know, "The good die young." So then we are all just left behind in silence with the not good enough group that gets to stick around like cock roaches... suffering, existing, attempting to figure out how to get it right, no better than rats filling their bellies, seeking shelter and repeating the process till our hard work is dwindled down to shitting on ourselves and slowly rotting to death
....
Seriously tho
When life gets broke down so far from a pain so desperate to be done, food has no taste, the sun has no warmth, and you realize there will never be a better time in your life than what has already been had... there is nothing left worth having.
In the Bible, a man would wrestle with God thru the night

Hell I been tryn to fight him for a year and a half now. Silence. Just silence is my response
In the Bible, Satan went to God and asked permission to do bad things to Job, and God allowed it. He allowed the devil to torment his faithful servant.
Can we also touch on forgiveness while we are at it?? Some people expect I should forgive the pos killer that stole Corban's whole life away???? Should we forgive Satan then??? Will God forgive Satan???? Highly unthinkable.

You know.. all these idioms make 0 sense once you have something mind numbingly terrible happen to you. This will never be right or acceptable, in any realm.

And I don't even expect a good answer or I would've probably heard or thought of it in this past silent year and a half.
Click to expand...
I couldn’t possibly imagine what you’re going through. So I won’t pretend I do. Sorry for your painful loss

Do some research on buddhism. Life is suffering. Once you accept that and come to terms with it, things seem to make more sense. Obviously the loss of your son is a huge suffering and may take some time to come to terms with it.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Or have a close family member to share your suffering with?
 
Observe & Report

Observe & Report

Well-Known Member
The suffering, the silence, the cold indifference of the universe, the stories of gods that are remarkable for how frequently they seemed to occur in old books. All of that is 100% consistent with there being no gods and with the bible simply being hagiography of a holy man and a collection of fables.
 
U

urhighness

Active Member
mudballs said:
Forgive me, it is exceedingly rare for me to want to talk about this stuff, let alone meet someone else in this pitchblack that would want to also...please say more, you honor Corban with thoughts and deed
Click to expand...
Corban was such a blessing
He touched so many people in the short time he was here and he will never be forgotten. We just had a float for him in the parade
We have a group called Corban's World Changers on fb.. his grave site rarely needs mowing for all the foot traffic But after all that, it still hurts so bad and I just want answers from God and we have been given so many signs but I still can never understand why he couldn't stay with us longer. #JUSTICEFORCORBAN #LongLiveCorban
 
U

urhighness

Active Member
Cookie Rider said:
I feel your pain.
That saying “grief is love with no where to go” stuck in my head.
It’s a lifelong process.
Try to focus on the good memories.
Your loved ones will be on your mind almost constantly, try to make it a way to make you happy. By remembering a funny thing they did or something.
I’m not saying just flip a switch, but try to help yourself find an easier way to carry this weight you must feel.

I hope you get some accountability,
and peace with that.
Don’t give up. I live with grief from fentanyl taking more friends than I care to count.

Sorry for your loss.
Click to expand...
I too have lost many friends and our town has lost so many children to fentanyl this past 2 years. It's so wrong and breaks my heart... how many children have been lost due to fentanyl and youth gun violence since 2020. Unprecedented and unacceptable, sickening
 
U

urhighness

Active Member
Nixs said:
If you know for certain that he went to a far better place, wouldn't that give you some kind of comfort.
Do some charity work in his name, he would like it from you.
Click to expand...
Yes and yes. We have a group, Corban's World Changers ♡ I know my pain is selfish but it just angers me. To be honest. I had went too long without smoking. Thank you tho
 
U

urhighness

Active Member
Wattzzup said:
I couldn’t possibly imagine what you’re going through. So I won’t pretend I do. Sorry for your painful loss

Do some research on buddhism. Life is suffering. Once you accept that and come to terms with it, things seem to make more sense. Obviously the loss of your son is a huge suffering and may take some time to come to terms with it.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Or have a close family member to share your suffering with?
Click to expand...
Thank you. My doctor demanded I come in and set me up with a heart doctor, for broken heart syndrome.. they can't do anything for me to help so I quit going. She also sat me up with a psychiatrist and she had the nerve to say, "well don't you love your other 2 kids?" I am glad it was over the phone due to quarantine because that really pissed me off. Then she said, "well there is obviously nothing I can say or do to help you, unless you just want to talk about it." So I didn't waste any more time on her either.. I was actually appalled at the entire conversation but people like you all help. I do have a lot of friends but I have managed to push them away as I no longer like going out or chit chatting on the phone. I just don't want to say these types of things to my friends and bring them down, a lot of my friends had always looked to me for guidance and I would hate to turn them away from God inadvertently. I hate to even ask the questions here for the same reason but the conversations in all the other threads seems more enlightened so idk..
 
U

urhighness

Active Member
Observe & Report said:
The suffering, the silence, the cold indifference of the universe, the stories of gods that are remarkable for how frequently they seemed to occur in old books. All of that is 100% consistent with there being no gods and with the bible simply being hagiography of a holy man and a collection of fables.
Click to expand...
Ehh I disagree. There is too much evidence, stolen esoteric knowledge hid away in basements.. I've delved into the universe as far as the human mind can handle and everything I have experienced proves God in every breath we take, it's all unexplainable and my mind can't quit reaching for the next answer... sacred geometry, fibonacci sequence, solfagio frequencies... so not random
 
L

Livingblacksoil

Well-Known Member
urhighness said:
Yes and yes. We have a group, Corban's World Changers ♡ I know my pain is selfish but it just angers me. To be honest. I had went too long without smoking. Thank you tho
Click to expand...
Pain exists. Were you to get low on pain all by yourself that my good friend would be selfish. Sharing your pain, seeking relief and/or support is superhero level selflessness.
Thank you for sharing Corban with such an unworthy world!
My love to you
 
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