Anyone always have suicidal thoughts?

[shroomhaze]

The question is weird I know but I always consider suicide as an option. This may sound depressing for people but I am really not suicidal anymore. But I never stopped considering suicide as an option. Im going through probably the hardest times I have ever been through and there is a chance it is in fact going to keep getting worse, I dont know what future will bring so I dont think about it most days and try to stay in the present. But I know I might get stuck in a place in my life with no way out soon and when that happens I might just say fuck it and hope for the best about what will happen after death. This comes from a place where a person has lost their freedom to do almost anything in life, his choices in life has become very narrow in a third world country and might just keep loosing more and become just a slave. I dont why I put this here I guess a little weird to put on a cannabis forum lmao

 

[anomalii]

Suicide is never the answer. If you need need someone to talk to DM me. Mental health is serious and should be treated so. I can’t stress enough how suicide is selfish and hurts more people than you can imagine.

 

[Eugenios]

I feel like I've wasted my whole life so far and I battle with depression and intense mood swings but I know that life is a gift so I can't just waste it by killing myself. I'm really not afraid to die, I've had countless ego deaths (I assume you also had) and they were HELL but I would never commit suicide. Please keep your head up. I'm also searching for my purpose in life. Do you believe you have found yours?

 

[shroomhaze]

Suicide is never the answer. If you need need someone to talk to DM me. Mental health is serious and should be treated so. I can’t stress enough how suicide is selfish and hurts more people than you can imagine.

Its def hard on people who love me but its really hard to not be an individual anymore, things that make me who I am is being taken away from me and I cant do anything about it. My only motive was getting out the country and working on that but that is slowly becoming impossible as the time goes. Its hard when you cant experience life and just live every day as a slave doing nothing. Its causes more pain to me then anyone can imagine, and my simple little pleasures in life are also disappearing one by one even things like weed, psychedelics will probably be impossible to get for me. Like how much more will I just shut up and take this and keep living

I feel like I've wasted my whole life so far and I battle with depression and intense mood swings but I know that life is a gift so I can't just waste it by killing myself. I'm really not afraid to die, I've had countless ego deaths (I assume you also had) and they were HELL but I would never commit suicide. Please keep your head up. I'm also searching for my purpose in life. Do you believe you have found yours?

I feel that I dont want a purpose in life. I really just want to experience living, travel and have fun. I dont have crazy dreams about owning things I would love a modest life but the most important is as much freedom to me. When freedom from me gets taken away I get really upset like a baby, There are a lot of dilemas in my mind about death too. I feel guilty about giving away this gift of life, not knowing anything but still thinking killin suicide will solve things when I have no idea what death is and a lot more, but when I just become a empty living robot I just cant take it.I love doing little things like gardening, smoking lots of weed, doing psychedelic drugs, making music for myself, going to other places I have not been yet. But I guess what I enjoy in life is mostly looked down upon things. My goal was getting the fuck out this shitty country before it goes to complete shit with the people in it. Because when you think in a certain way in this country, they will make sure to fuck you up really good. If I get a criminal record there goes my chance to immigrate somewhere like US or Canada down the drain. That would destroy me

 

[Southernontariogrower]

Cheery topic.

 

[Eugenios]

Its def hard on people who love me but its really hard to not be an individual anymore, things that make me who I am is being taken away from me and I cant do anything about it. My only motive was getting out the country and working on that but that is slowly becoming impossible as the time goes. Its hard when you cant experience life and just live every day as a slave doing nothing. Its causes more pain to me then anyone can imagine, and my simple little pleasures in life are also disappearing one by one even things like weed, psychedelics will probably be impossible to get for me. Like how much more will I just shut up and take this and keep living

I feel that I dont want a purpose in life. I really just want to experience living, travel and have fun. I dont have crazy dreams about owning things I would love a modest life but the most important is as much freedom to me. When freedom from me gets taken away I get really upset like a baby, There are a lot of dilemas in my mind about death too. I feel guilty about giving away this gift of life, not knowing anything but still thinking killin suicide will solve things when I have no idea what death is and a lot more, but when I just become a empty living robot I just cant take it.I love doing little things like gardening, smoking lots of weed, doing psychedelic drugs, making music for myself, going to other places I have not been yet. But I guess what I enjoy in life is mostly looked down upon things. My goal was getting the fuck out this shitty country before it goes to complete shit with the people in it. Because when you think in a certain way in this country, they will make sure to fuck you up really good. If I get a criminal record there goes my chance to immigrate somewhere like US or Canada down the drain. That would destroy me

I think it's for the best. What you're looking for (travelling, enjoying life) is totally normal. I really can't enjoy many things because I just feel like I'm "wasting" time from my true purpose. Writing this message is wasting time for me but helping others or at least trying makes me feel good. I just feel empty. I cannot "just be" like people on here advised me to. Even with meditation. Psychedelics are one of the best things that happened in my life as well though. May I ask which is your country?

 

[Southernontariogrower]

A permenant solution to a temporary problem.

 

[Gemtree]

Lots of us feel stuck man just gotta keep chipping away at your goals and hope for the best. Hang in there

 

[shroomhaze]

I think it's for the best. What you're looking for (travelling, enjoying life) is totally normal. I really can't enjoy many things because I just feel like I'm "wasting" time from my true purpose. Writing this message is wasting time for me but helping others or at least trying makes me feel good. I just feel empty. I cannot "just be" like people on here advised me to. Even with meditation. Psychedelics are one of the best things that happened in my life as well though. May I ask which is your country?

I feel you about purpose in life bro I struggled with it through my life until I had a life-changing experience from mushrooms. Try not to hard on yourself and stay present as much as you can, although I myself struggle with this obv as you can see from the post lol. Im from a country called Turkey its a country seems normal from the outside to a visitor but what goes inside is absolutely evil. I have friends that are in prison for 5 years because of 'political reasons' they just did not like the government and because someone called the cops and told them they apparently deserve to have their life taken away from them. Drug laws are also really harsh. People only get rich if they work with the government and steal, so because they steal our economy is getting worse every year. Our money is worth nothing now and people cant get jobs, everything is just depressing here I dont see any happy people when im on the bus. Everybody just wants to kill each other all the time

A permenant solution to a temporary problem.

Hope its just temporary man Im just scared this will affect my whole life and make me stuck in where I am.

 

[Eugenios]

I feel you about purpose in life bro I struggled with it through my life until I had a life-changing experience from mushrooms. Try not to hard on yourself and stay present as much as you can, although I myself struggle with this obv as you can see from the post lol. Im from a country called Turkey its a country seems normal from the outside to a visitor but what goes inside is absolutely evil. I have friends that are in prison for 5 years because of 'political reasons' they just did not like the government and because someone called the cops and told them they apparently deserve to have their life taken away from them. Drug laws are also really harsh. People only get rich if they work with the government and steal, so because they steal our economy is getting worse every year. Our money is worth nothing now and people cant get jobs, everything is just depressing here I dont see any happy people when im on the bus. Everybody just wants to kill each other all the time

Hope its just temporary man Im just scared this will affect my whole life and make me stuck in where I am.

Thanks for the tips my friend. We're neighbors, I'm from Greece and it's probably worse here. Economy has turned to shit. Drug laws are very harsh there indeed however.

 

[Old_fart_stoner]

Seek psychiatric help NOW! It is ironic that I grow meds and work in a drug rehab. But this is something I deal with daily. Cannabis can absolutely help with depression, anxiety etcetera but you my friend are in serious need of help. Best of luck to you.

 

[shroomhaze]

Seek psychiatric help NOW! It is ironic that I grow meds and work in a drug rehab. But this is something I deal with daily. Cannabis can absolutely help with depression, anxiety etcetera but you my friend are in serious need of help. Best of luck to you.

Thanks for your concern bro but my problem is not depression or anxiety I have specific problems in my life and I know know what they are. Solutions to them however is not so easy and not always in my control. I maybe depressed because of my situation for sure but really no therapy is gonna do any help, I know the problems and the fixes the fixes tho require money and some other things which I dont have.

 

[TheWholeTruth]

Every single one of us go through dark times so dont think that happens to just you and your alone. Also there is always others in much worse off situations. Think of what it must feel like to not be able to move from your bed. I know of people who have been stuck in their bed for years due to disabilities or health problems with there body covered in bed sores but they dont have the ability to turn over. There are children who live in war zones knowing out of every 10 children at least half of them may die or not make it past 20. There are people who face being beaten and abused evry day and have done for years. Some of us are lucky at least we have our health. And think of it this way yes they can keep you physically locked up taking away your freedom but your mind is always free. Things may seem bad today but there is always a better day.

 

[TheWholeTruth]

Thanks for your concern bro but my problem is not depression or anxiety I have specific problems in my life and I know know what they are. Solutions to them however is not so easy and not always in my control. I maybe depressed because of my situation for sure but really no therapy is gonna do any help, I know the problems and the fixes the fixes tho require money and some other things which I dont have.

You shoud try and get out to the parts of turkey were it is more modern and start building from there. It wont cost alot there should be work found there and housing, things are abit more relaxed and more modern. I think you will be much more happier aswell and see things in a better light and be able to plan things in a more positive way for yourself.

 

[VILEPLUME]

The question is weird I know but I always consider suicide as an option. This may sound depressing for people but I am really not suicidal anymore. But I never stopped considering suicide as an option. Im going through probably the hardest times I have ever been through and there is a chance it is in fact going to keep getting worse, I dont know what future will bring so I dont think about it most days and try to stay in the present. But I know I might get stuck in a place in my life with no way out soon and when that happens I might just say fuck it and hope for the best about what will happen after death. This comes from a place where a person has lost their freedom to do almost anything in life, his choices in life has become very narrow in a third world country and might just keep loosing more and become just a slave. I dont why I put this here I guess a little weird to put on a cannabis forum lmao

I feel you, it is a terrible thought that can feel like it never goes away.

It sounds simple, but I've come to realize that helping others subsides the thoughts. It takes my mind off being down about myself and seeing a light that brings joy to others.

Another trick if my mind can't adjust off of depressive thoughts is cleaning. Only if it is one room or just vacuuming or something that makes my place look nicer, it helps ease the feeling.

 

[resinhead]

Keep your head up! Try picking up some new hobbies. Keep your mind occupied. Maybe find some good reading or try audio books. Do yourself a favor and lay off the drugs until your mind is in a better place.

 

[TheWholeTruth]

I feel you, it is a terrible thought that can feel like it never goes away.

It sounds simple, but I've come to realize that helping others subsides the thoughts. It takes my mind off being down about myself and seeing a light that brings joy to others.

Another trick if my mind can't adjust off of depressive thoughts is cleaning. Only if it is one room or just vacuuming or something that makes my place look nicer, it helps ease the feeling.

Vileplume thats great advice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, especially when it sounds like you've walked through that dark place yourself. More power and much respect to you.

 

[VILEPLUME]

Vileplume thats great advice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, especially when it sounds like you've walked through that dark place yourself. More power and much respect to you.

Thanks, TWT.

My darkest place was when I use to work in reality t.v and in the post-production department, we saw all of the footage coming in. One show which was actually highly rated/highly viewed starred people who were "heroes" in our society. But in real reality, most of them were racist, homophobic, abused animals and were destructive to nature/the environment. As I combed through the footage, I began to make another timeline with the moments that bothered me. I eventually showed it to one of the producers that I trusted/had a good relationship with. He told me to delete it as soon as he finished watching it and to never talk about it again. He didn't have to directly say it, but I knew my job and the show's credibility was on the line too.

It made me view society in a different light, that not everything was black and white, that most of it is actually grey. While the stars of the show had horrible traits not seen to the public, this show provided jobs to many people and fed a lot of families.

Since the pandemic and lockdowns, I've had time to write more about stories that I think are worth bringing to light. It's also helped me with my gaslighting problem that I've had forever. My father and mother are massive gaslighters and taking time to step back and look with a critical eye at how they push people's buttons has been eye-opening. I love my parents and talk to them often, but no one is perfect. I continue to struggle, but I work on my "filter". Most of the time it is better to be silent and listen when interacting with people in real life. They view me as a better person and it makes me feel better as a person too.

 

[VILEPLUME]

Keep your head up! Try picking up some new hobbies. Keep your mind occupied. Maybe find some good reading or try audio books. Do yourself a favor and lay off the drugs until your mind is in a better place.

+1

And if you can't go a day without smoking weed(like myself), do it in the evening when you have completed work/activities. It becomes a delayed reward instead of an impulse that makes you feel guilty for wasting the day away.

 

[Harry.25]

Well, it is normal to have suicidal thoughts if you are going through depression. People used to take things, matters, and their worries so strongly that it makes them depressed and hopeless. So, you need to just calm down and take some serious help from a mental health expert. Regular counseling support will help you to heal rapidly and get back to life. You might find this mind healing help: https://mangoclinic.com/digital-art-helps-in-healing-minds-advice-from-top-20-experts/