Lonliness

[Laughing Grass]

I'm alone most of the time, retired, wife works, I'm home growing weed and was not lonely until my dog died Sept. 20th.

I do know what being lonely is like for the first time in my life.

There's a new dog somewhere out there waiting to be loved.

 

[Dr.Amber Trichome]

 

[tyler.durden]

Does anyone else live alone and have no IRL friends? How do you cope? How do you make friends, other then through video games and with my crippling social anxiety I won't go to a bar or places like that, so am I destined to just be alone for the rest of my life.

Perhaps you can start a Crippling Social Anxiety Club where the members all hide in the same room, and play pre-recorded phrases through their phones. I would totally attend those meetings, maybe in a mod capacity...

 

[oill]

Does anyone else live alone and have no IRL friends? How do you cope? How do you make friends, other then through video games and with my crippling social anxiety I won't go to a bar or places like that, so am I destined to just be alone for the rest of my life.

Do some interesting hobbies and go to clubs. Its hard with social anxiety but I would just tell people when you meet them that you have anxiety and you are looking for friends with similar interests that don't mind that anxiety.

The best things in life are slightly out of your comfort zone. Keep pushing yourself and good things will happen

 

[neosapien]

Does anyone else live alone and have no IRL friends? How do you cope? How do you make friends, other then through video games and with my crippling social anxiety I won't go to a bar or places like that, so am I destined to just be alone for the rest of my life.

All of my friends are from high school, work or here. I suggest starting at any of those places. Perhaps not high school persons right now but high school persons when you attended. They might get the wrong impression if you just show up at a high school saying "I'm looking for friends." Take a class at a community college. Get a hobby and look for meet-ups. Those are about the only organic ways I can think of. If you send me some nudes, I'm sure I can probably find you some friends.

 

[sunni]

i kinda feel like as you get older, you dont really have too many friends, when youre young you have time to be social when youre older its more like work , acquaintances, 1-2 real good friends you randomly talk with every few months picking up where you left off on your last convo, and your family

 

[sunni]

Do some interesting hobbies and go to clubs. Its hard with social anxiety but I would just tell people when you meet them that you have anxiety and you are looking for friends with similar interests that don't mind that anxiety.

The best things in life are slightly out of your comfort zone. Keep pushing yourself and good things will happen

spoken by someone whos never had an anxiety disorder

thanks were cured!

 

[DrKiz]

Perhaps you can start a Crippling Social Anxiety Club where the members all hide in the same room, and play pre-recorded phrases through their phones. I would totally attend those meetings, maybe in a mod capacity...

Someone with Tourettes would make a nice addition to the group.

 

[DrKiz]

spoken by someone whos never had an anxiety disorder

thanks were cured!
View attachment 4759610

He's kinda right though, although for some it's not quite that simple. Immersion Therapy works, but it's best done in a controlled situation.

So he's right, if you can find a like minded group of people you will generally get positive feedback through the experience. So immersing yourself in it, despite your fears, over time helps to positively reinforce you.

It's not for everyone, and not for all cases. But it does work for some.

 

[solakani]

Do not judge me. I talk to my plants and spend too much time on riu. Loving it.

 

[Aussieaceae]

He's kinda right though, although for some it's not quite that simple. Immersion Therapy works, but it's best done in a controlled situation.

So he's right, if you can find a like minded group of people you will generally get positive feedback through the experience. So immersing yourself in it, despite your fears, over time helps to positively reinforce you.

It's not for everyone, and not for all cases. But it does work for some.

Probably the most important part in my own opinion, is just being comfortable with the anxiety you have.

Anxiety is a very instinctive and natural emotion.

Some individuals are more emotional than others. And it's not a quality to be ashamed of.

 

[DrKiz]

Probably the most important part in my own opinion, is just being comfortable with the anxiety you have.

Anxiety is a very instinctive and natural emotion.

Also starting to believe some kind of trained or embeded/learned amygdala response that can be rewired. Although it is also a natural response.
I think it's just over time re-wiring the pathways like a new trail to your cabin in the woods. Idk, just research.. just me.

 

[Cookie Rider]

Apart from my wife, I'm very happy w solitude.

I tried for years to keep friendships going with endless frustration and not much quality time to show for it.
So I unofficially let them go their ways.
Then weeks later covid hit. I tried to touch base and see how everyone was fairing. Their true colours, anxieties, rage, and lower IQs quickly came to the surface.

I made the right choice.
Covid confirmed it for me.

No more frustration or disappointments.
Life is what you make it! If friends aren't adding to it but taking, fuck em.
Move on, you'll be a better person for it.
Be true to yourself. Enjoy it.

 

[tyler.durden]

Someone with Tourettes would make a nice addition to the group.

The Club only deals with one disorder at a time. Tourettes dude will have to join that club. I hear those meetings can get pretty raucous...

 

[Aussieaceae]

Also starting to believe some kind of trained or embeded/learned amygdala response that can be rewired. Although it is also a natural response.
I think it's just over time re-wiring the pathways like a new trail to your cabin in the woods. Idk, just research.. just me.

There's some really great breathing techniques out there as well. One of the simplest is taking deep breaths through your nose and out your mouth half a dozen times.
Works a charm for me when anxiety gets so bad I feel out of breath. And don't even know the reason why.

What I can't stand is when others say I "should this" or "should that" or "take this" or "take that". Those same people don't know a single thing about me.

Everybody expresses their emotions in a different way.
There's no shame in feeling anxious at all.

 

[Cookie Rider]

Do some interesting hobbies and go to clubs. Its hard with social anxiety but I would just tell people when you meet them that you have anxiety and you are looking for friends with similar interests that don't mind that anxiety.

The best things in life are slightly out of your comfort zone. Keep pushing yourself and good things will happen

Hell yeah!
I started doing everything that makes me uncomfortable.
Ditched friends that didn't feel like real friends.
Took a position at work I though would be too difficult for myself.
Taking on bigger projects at home,
Growing!,
And generally I'm loving life way more.
Straight on, do it.

 

[DrKiz]

The Club only deals with one disorder at a time. Tourettes dude will have to join that club. I hear those meetings can get pretty raucous...

I may be kicking the ball a little too far, but can we assume, that somewhere out there.. is an individual ...with Tourettes, that also has social anxiety?

I mean, that would really fucking suck.

 

[Smorf]

Does anyone else live alone and have no IRL friends? How do you cope? How do you make friends, other then through video games and with my crippling social anxiety I won't go to a bar or places like that, so am I destined to just be alone for the rest of my life.

Not sure how old you are but I'm 29 and just realize for some people like myself "friends" are kind of bs and not worth the effort most of the time. For some people no matter what you do it just doesn't work. Family is what matters the most. If you have relatives around that enjoy the same things as you that is even better than friends.
There are so many great hobbies to get into these days. Like growing. So many strains to try you can never get bored.
Also like others have said, the grow forums provide plenty of social opportunities. There are forums for many different hobbies you could get involved in.
Books are great too. You can learn anything you want if you put the time into reading about it. Just like how most of us learned to grow.
If you get involved in more hobbies that can be a good way to meet like minded people too.

Or, you will master the art of being alone soon enough and it wont bother you. You can be "alone" without being "lonely"... Sure some days are hard. Those days you can call a relative or something and chat for a bit. (or hop on the forums and geek out about something you really enjoy) You may even reach a point where you feel comfortable going to bars alone to chat with strangers. No cares, nothing to lose. I've been there but it became a waste of time just like many other social interactions in my life imo. (I don't like drinking anyway, strictly herb for me). You will learn a lot about people even in failed social interactions though. I've started to appreciate being alone and become more anti-social the older I get.
Having no obligations is a powerful thing. I also have some social anxiety but I care less and less what people think about anything the older I get so it is mostly not an issue anymore.
Hope this helps.

 

[Singlemalt]

I may be kicking the ball a little too far, but can we assume, that somewhere out there.. is an individual ...with Tourettes, that also has social anxiety?

I mean, that would really fucking suck.

Might be fun to spend a few hours at a bar with though

 

[DrKiz]

Apart from my wife, I'm very happy w solitude.

I tried for years to keep friendships going with endless frustration and not much quality time to show for it.
So I unofficially let them go their ways.
Then weeks later covid hit. I tried to touch base and see how everyone was fairing. Their true colours, anxieties, rage, and lower IQs quickly came to the surface.

I made the right choice.
Covid confirmed it for me.

No more frustration or disappointments.
Life is what you make it! If friends aren't adding to it but taking, fuck em.
Move on, you'll be a better person for it.
Be true to yourself. Enjoy it.

I think this is a natural state for a man. Once he is settled with family, even before, he is starting to build his castle and put up the walls. Safety and security for himself and those closest to him are what satisfy a man. I think it's biological.
Women need the socialization more than men, also biological. They may even find the Castle walls "controlling".

I don't even know what the big deal is, with all the projects a guy has on the go.. the hobbies, growing, DIY'ing everything, cooking, sexy time with the gal.. I realized a guy only needs a few close friends and a damn good woman.

You don't have to be like the "socializing people on the TV", that's not real. I'm serious. TV is not real life. It's not how people act. Only actors. It's true, I've been watching them for a while. And it's not real life. Im starting to think they are just trying to corall me into a consumer clique and sell me stuff. Not sure yet, but I know it's not real.