Wanna analyze my situation?

Alright everyone.

Throughout my life I've been taught that I need to conform, work hard, love my parents, follow the rules, get through school/college, and I'm on my own.

Well throughout my life I've been rebellious, not entirely, just simple things like acting up in class, smart-ass towards the teacher, etc.. small things.

I've been around the whole alcohol/drug scene since about 13, I'm currently 18. I never went to parties, dances, but I'm a funny kid, and people enjoy my company/ like me, so I always had the option to partake in it, and most of my friends I hang with do it, but I secretly disliked, and believed it was bad. I guess I knew I was scared of what it could do.

I recently decided to smoke with my friend for the first time about 4-5 weeks ago. It was great, I loved it. Did 2-5 times, and 2 weeks later I drop 2 hits of acid.

I consider myself intellegent, I over analyze the shit out of everything, and I'm a pretty sensitive person, and while acid was amazing fun socially, when I eventually went home I began to think about all of the bad problems I've had from money, relationships, family, doing drugs secretly, possiblity of fucking up of my life (this is what I've been taught) and things got progressively worse. I eventually feel asleep and woke up fine. I progressively became slightly depressed for about a week or two, but continued to smoke, and things eventually became 'normal' after abut 2 1/2 weeks.

But.. recently everytime I smoke I feel guilty, as if I truly am fucking up my life, and I have a lot of people in my life that are intellegent (conformist) and would tear me apart if they found out. But... I love it, with the exception of a few things I've been able to keep up with my daily life at a very prestigious, difficult private school. I just feel like I've learned many pessimistic view points throughout my life, and when I toke/trip/etc... my mind wanders and I over analyze things way too much (but with this pessimistic edge). It almost ruins the buzz, and going home, friends, school, etc.. I always feel guilty.

I have also noticed I really enjoy allowing my mind to wander, but it usually comes back to a pessimistic conclusion if I focus on something too long, and that's just me, I don't see how I could change that. I guess I just expect things to work out perfectly, but things aren't perfect and I'm panicing. A lot to think about.

Don't get me wrong I only think of these things every once in a while, but when I do it gets bad.

Hold up, I'll edit this soon, wrote this really quickly, but that's the idea, maybe you can come to some conclusion. Maybe weed/drugs aren't for me, and I've considered that, but I love the feeling too much to really quit. But I also feel like I'll eventually abuse them, or I'll become depressed in moderation. Maybe I'm losing my mind? Who knows. I just want to feel good about smoking because I don't think I want to quit. I love the attitude of 'dont worry be happy' but I can't convience myself to feel this way. Maybe I still think it's wrong, and I can't get over it. I haven't come to terms with the fact I'm doing something I still believe is wrong. Bleh. I'm a hypocrite.

Lot to read, but maybe it'll be worthwhile to you.

your gonna get banned for saying your 16 time to make a new account and say your 18 nexty time


and feeling guilty is just falling into societies stigma on drugs

good luck in your life and think about the ppl who love you before doing anything

It's weird. I truly believe that it's small minded of our society, but for some reason I just can't convince myself it's right.


It sucks that something as ridiculous as this would hurt them...I'm doing what I enjoy, and for them to judge/limit me is absurd. I can see why it affects them, but why can't they just accept it. I think I'd be more comfortable if I knew people I cared about accepted it. My family specifically.

And if I get banned atleast I'll get a few answers first - maybe you some of you have been in my position, regardless, it's worth it, I'm trying to work out some mental things, without a doubt worth it.

You're torn between the standards that you think you ought to live up to and what you really wanna do. You do the drugs, enjoy them, and then later feel guilty because you classify them as a rebellion against everything you were supposed to be... I know I just summarized everything you wrote basically .. But I'm not sure what you're looking for. You seem to have the situation understood... You sound very smart... Considering how most 16 year olds are.

I can't evaluate your personality and what you should do... You're just now getting the first taste of a world you've never lived in, and it's understandable that you are analyzing it all, especially since you're over analytical to begin with ... Don't get carried away. Don't think that the 'drug world' and 'drug free world' are like black and white. There is a time and place for everything... and too much of anything is never a good thing.


Just don't ever forget who you are...and uh ... stay in school,... ? lol

True, but I could argue that I never knew who I was (the whole thinking for yourself thing), and people have been creating a life for me, and I'm finally persuing something I want, and I enjoy it.

It certanly is new territory, and maybe I'll become more comfortable in time. But I agree, I don't plan to go overboard.

I went through something similar when I was first exposed to these things...As long as you don't go overboard with it, then there is really nothing to worry about.. Just be safe of course.

You're at the age where you are beginning to mold yourself into who you wanna be... We all go through it...and we all have some kind of standard that we believed we should've lived up to for the sake of our parents or w.e ... It's just part of growing up to rebel.

You sound a lot like me. I never really got into doing drugs in the drug scene till I graduate high school. I was always secretly curious, but I was very concerned it would interfere with my studies and I wouldn't pull top grades anymore. When I graduated I had kind of a "fuck it, I'm done with high school now it's time to live" summer and tried weed and loved it. And I really think it loved me because even though I put it off when I started college, I magically happened to befriend the "stoners" in my frat and weed was always available to me. Which made it more and more of a habit. From that point, I've moved forward with my other curiosities of other drugs and I have quite a list now (not that I'm trying to brag).

School is very important to me and it is how I measure my successes. By graduating college you are in the top 25% of educated people in the United States and this opens a lot of doors for you. Not necessarily by taking the fast track to be a CEO or anything, but it's how you use this knowledge that will help you in the future. It's that fact that you can learn to understand instead of following a recipe which will set you apart from a majority of the workforce. This aspect alone is worth your college tuition.

Now, where I was going with that was, I will ALWAYS use school and my general life situation as a barometer of "OK I'm letting weed control my life, instead of me controlling MY life." And, after making weed a daily habit (and a little bit of shrooms here and there ) I am still managing to push forward in my career and continue getting grades around 3.45 as Computer Scientist.

The final point I am trying to get across to you is, you shouldn't feel guilty about getting high as long as your life situation and school situation is in order. And if it is, blaze on. A lot of why you feel guilty is because you probably listened a little too hard in DARE programs and have gotten the wrong image of drugs. Drugs are definitely ok and vices that man needs (just like alchohol etc.) to keep you from stressing yourself out and turning into a corporate tool. And with weed, the one thing I remind myself daily is, it is a WEED that naturally grows in the ground. It is not chemically extracted, manufactured or created in a lab. It is a natural substance and it seems rediculous that we (the united states) as a culture has placed such a taboo over a harmless plant.

In the end, be reponsible with your marijuana use and you will find it will be one of the most relaxing and rewarding endeavors you can partake in.

Ya, that's comforting, and I guess it's as simple as that.

EDIT: balance. alright.

Everyone's gotta have a vice and I would rather sit down to a bowl then chug through a handle.

passdabong said:

Ya, that's comforting, and I guess it's as simple as that.

I guess I'm partially scared of the mental addiction, as much as I enjoy it I don't want it to consume my life, and while I have a lot of self restraint I still feel like a few bad decisions could lead me down a bad road.

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Oh and they COULD. A bad future is very possible when you mess with drugs..... But it's really all on you to be honest. I could sit here and tell you not to experience what is being thrown at your life at the moment.. But that would just be ridiculous, because you're just going to do what you want anyway... and that's what you have to do. You know what's going on, you know where you stand, now just make wise decisions... Based on what you believe to be right for your own life, not what other people expect. and that goes for your peers and your parents.

Without a doubt.

Every once in a while it's nice to mix the two though

I just finally have come to the point in my life where I need to let go of a few things, and it makes me happy, and that's all I want. But don't worry I'm going to keep that balance.

EDIT: Breathe, it's nice seeing you & everyone have assessed this situation, I needed to hear it. Talking has always helps me.

passdabong said:

Alright everyone.

Throughout my life I've been taught that I need to conform, work hard, love my parents, follow the rules, get through school/college, and I'm on my own.

Well throughout my life I've been rebellious, not entirely, just simple things like acting up in class, smart-ass towards the teacher, etc.. small things.

I've been around the whole alcohol/drug scene since about 13, I'm currently 16. I never went to parties, dances, but I'm a funny kid, and people enjoy my company/ like me, so I always had the option to partake in it, and most of my friends I hang with do it, but I secretly disliked, and believed it was bad. I guess I knew I was scared of what it could do.

I recently decided to smoke with my friend for the first time about 4-5 weeks ago. It was great, I loved it. Did 2-5 times, and 2 weeks later I drop 2 hits of acid.

I consider myself intellegent, I over analyze the shit out of everything, and I'm a pretty sensitive person, and while acid was amazing fun socially, when I eventually went home I began to think about all of the bad problems I've had from money, relationships, family, doing drugs secretly, possible fucking up of my life (this is what I've been taught) and things got bad. I eventually feel asleep and woke up fine. I progressively became slightly depressed for about a week or two, but continued to smoke, and things eventually became 'normal' after abut 2 1/2 weeks.

But.. recently everytime I smoke I feel guilty, as if I truly am fucking up my life, and I have a lot of people in my life that are intellegent and would tear me apart if they found out. But... I love it, with the exception of a few things I've been able to keep up with my daily life at a very prestigious, difficult private school. I just feel like I've learned many pessimistic view points throughout my life, and when I toke/trip/etc... my mind wanders and I over analyze things way too much (but with this pessimistic edge). It almost ruins the buzz, and going home, friends, school, etc.. I always feel guilty.

Don't get me wrong I only think of these things every once in a while, but when I do it gets bad.

Hold up, I'll edit this soon, wrote this really quickly, but that's the idea, maybe you can come to some conclusion. Maybe weed/drugs aren't for me, and I've considered that, but I love the feeling too much to really quit. But I also feel like I'll eventually abuse them, or I'll become depressed in moderation. Maybe I'm losing my mind? Who knows. I just want to feel good about smoking because I don't think I want to quit. I love the attitude of 'dont worry be happy' but I can't convience myself to feel this way.

Lot to read, but maybe it'll be worthwhile to you.

Click to expand...

Hi passdabong, it is wise to be weary of drugs and their impact on your life and those who love you. You described yourself as a good contributing member of society and you do not like to be involved with what society deems wrong and immoral. First and foremost, you have to be in control of yourself, anything and everything can be abused. As The Bible says, take everything into moderation.

You have been taught since you were a child that drugs are bad and to be avoided and everyone involved with them needs intervention. There are truths to this, half truths, and blatant lies. You will discover them in due time.

If you feel that doing weed or acid is changing your entire persona, especially for the negative, toward school or family then you might want to reconsider pursuing your recreational habits. However, I believe you are feeling guilt without merit. You are feeling guilt because of the picture society painted on drugs and what your friends and family's reaction would be. My advice to you is to evaluate if your habits are negatively impacting you in any way.

You and I are the same on the way we over analyze everything. This happens to me every time I get high. I look at every situation from every possible angle and consider every option. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, you can come up with some pretty sophisticated ideas and theories as long as you channel it productively.

Once you have made peace with you and your stance on drugs, the pessimistic feel will ease. Listen to music to get your spirits up, euphoria is better than despair. Be the master of your mind, body and soul.

passdabong said:

Without a doubt.

Every once in a while it's nice to mix the two though

I just finally have come to the point in my life where I need to let go of a few things, and it makes me happy, and that's all I want. But don't worry I'm going to keep that balance.

EDIT: Breathe, it's nice seeing you & everyone have assessed this situation, I needed to hear it. Talking has always helps me.

Click to expand...

Yes .... Hope everything works out well for ya.

Ya, I think I'll be alright.

Thanks everyone. We can let this thread die.

You'll be fine man you're not the only one (i do the same shit sometimes). Just be you.

this is it:

bigtittymilf said:

and feeling guilty is just falling into societies stigma on drugs

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edit- haha oops for post after ahoishgoihahogogh34ug0vjriovj