Years ago(1990ish) I played farmer, grew all sorts of veggies for an organic grocery store and some restaurants. I grew lots of varieties of hot peppers, including habaneros. My dad came to visit for a few days and is asking what this and that is. We get to the peppers and I tell him that habs are purportedly the hottest in the world(at the time). So he wants us to eat some at lunch. He's like a little kid, is it lunch time yet, are we there yet. Lunch time and he wants to slice them up, I let him and then tell him to go wash his hands. He gets annoyed"They're clean I washed before I sliced", I said thisisn't sanitary reasons dad, just go wash. He doesn't, right after lunch he has to whizz, and I mentally countdown. About 90secs he starts whining then panicking. He's carrying on, so I finally give him a jar of mayo. He's aghast, and doesn't know what to do. I say smear it all over your pecker, let stand for 2 min and wipe it off then take a shower. He argued for about 5 min, I'm laughing my ass off, then he took his shower. It was priceless
