After being numb for so long the hardest thing is having this strange assortment of emotions and regrets and idiosyncracies and weird bittersweet feelings or shards of nostalgia or ego almost or what it feels like after awhile, and having this feeling like all of this in a way is what makes you you, and yet there is no rational use or logic to any of your uniqueness because no one cares and it doesn't matter. Your story doesn't even matter. Your uniqueness does not make you any better and you are entitled to nothing but what you earn with your bare hands. So, shut up pay your taxes and assimilate I suppose unless you choose to buck the system but good luck with that because usually the renegades are crushed. Someday I will tell my kids not to learn so much shit the hard way like I did. I mean if I even ever choose to bring kids into this dark shitty world lol