Hey guys, I really don't want to sound like a douche bag or a pussy, and I've known recently that there have been some fake threads about Ecstasy addiction but I'm really having a hard time with quitting. MDMA just makes feel like everything will be alright and gives me so much confidence, TOO MUCH. I've pulled so much girls on E it's unrealistic. I love the feeling it gives me. The empathgenic feelings to the body high. I can't stop thinking about it nor taking it.
I really don't want you guys to think I'm bullshitting here because I'm not. I honestly felt connected to Trippy before I found it out that his MDMA addiction thread was fake. Honestly it's not even funny because to me atleast it's so physicolagicly addicting. I have so much fun on E, and feel so confident that I just can't cope myself to feel normal without it.
I'm constantly thinking about Molly, and always have to make sure I can cop some. I don't know why, it's just that Ecstasy makes me feel so alive that I can't seem to feel true happiness without it. I'm really scared guys, I'm obsessing about it and it's so fucked up because I have so much potential in life but I'm wasting on it on nonsense. I feel so sorry for myself because of what drugs have done to my family and esp. me. It ruined my relationship with my father. I haven't spoken to him in over 10 years since I was 13, but while rolling the other day (yesterday) I kept having the sudden urge to forgive him and want to make things better even though he sexually abused me.
It's eating me up inside guys really.
I never thought that MDMA would take such a toll in my life honestly but it's just such a big deal to me and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY! I Fucking hate it but at the same time I love it. Without Ecstasy I feel like I would never feel happiness again and I know that's so fucked up but that's truley how I feel. I'm scared guys, really. I chose E over at 25hr job. That's when you know things are fucked up.
Again I really don't want to sound like a pussy or a hyporcrite. Honestley but I cannot stop thinking about MDMA. I have suffered from PTSD since I was a really young child, and ever since I rolled it's been all I can think about. The first time I popped E was about 6 years ago and slowly it has become more and more important to me, to wherever I go to any social gatherings I feel as if I need it to be myself.
It's a disaster guys, I feel ashamed of myself because I know alot of guys are going to think I'm full of shit and seeking attention but in reality I'm not, I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't stop obsessing about it.
please guys is anyone else strugging or have struggled with this? I'm just so confident on E that I feel like I can do anything (Literally anything) I can pull so much girls it's ridiculous! But when I'm not on E my self esteem goes down the shit whole.
What should I do?
Please please don't mock me, this is not some bullshit thread seeking for attention but this is deeply serious. I honestly think that MDMA is taking over my life. That's all I look forward too its Molly, and raves.
That's seems to be the only time I exp. happiness and I'm taking it too frequenly and at such high doses I'm scared that it's not going to do much for me after a while.
Thank you for being there for me dudes, but suggestions and help would really mean A FUCKING SHIT TON to me. My self esteem is just lowering and I don't feel like myself.
Thanks.
Your friend
Heisenberg
