Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT?! What was that?!"
So she says the words every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear....
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man".
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch then went shopping at a large unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit."
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement . Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out , "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely black as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
Then I said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to statisy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not just for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... But at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.