The trouble with kids !

Lets stert by telling you guys a little about myself. I'M 55 YRS old married with 2 kids 34 yr old son and a 25 yr old daughter....the daughter has been in no trouble went to college foe a couple of years but decided to go to work full time. She has been at the same job for 6 yrs....which brings me to my son he is 34 today.....he's married with a nice wife and has a beautiful baby daughter
Delilah Grace who the wife and I would gladly trade our own life for hers. T his past week the son who works for a large well known stores disribution center came to me about me lending him 2 grand for a down payment for a car......which I said I would be happy to under one condition that he must continue working untill he pays the loan off and of course he happily agreed all of this transpired on this past monday oh yeah almost forgot they were moving into a better place that was a little farthet in the country.
Well I callled him up to ask him about helping him move and he tells me that his wife and himself had already moved everything and they had spent their first night in the new place lastnight.
Well ad we were speaking he tells me that he tweaked his back and had to go to the Dr. To be checked out and he had done some damage to his already surgicly repaired back and I ask him why he didnt call me for help I'm retired and dont do alot.....other than a paper route and would have enjoyed helping him he's moved twice already and I wad called each time to help....... he then tells me that the Dr, has written him a note giving him permissino to be out of work for seversl days...........heres the kicker he works thur a temp agency......and if you dont work your job gets given to someone else and it might be several weeks before anything pops up for him again....well hearing this made me angry after just giving his 2 K for a down payment for a better ride and we proceede to get into a heated argument over the phone......you see this will be the third time that he had walked away from good jobs in a time when good jobs are hard to come by and I'm not gonna lie I was pissed at him and thats an understatment and we had a tertible argument.....we both said some bad things athe wife was freaking out.....I told her not to worry give it a few days and it would be back to normal. The wife calls him friday to here these dreaded words that he wadnt going to allow us to have acess to the grandaughter anymore he was washing his hands of us and for her (his mother) not to call the house anymore and it might be a wise thing for me to remove all my growing equipment and remove all my plants because he just might call the law on me......now I know this is all big talk.......he's always been able to imtimitate people because of his demeanor and phyiscal appearance but that shit doesnt phase me........but this is the first time that my hobby has ever been mentioned.........the wife as do I absoulutly adores that new grandchild is fearful that he will hamper our ability to have the granbaby over for werkend stays and she has done nothing but cry since friday.........me on the other hand have been stewing over this since it hsppened.......we have really never as parents when it came to him.and disipline were never unified I was always the bad guy and apperantly he just got his fill of me coming down on him ....just looking for a little feed back from you guys and a little place to vent.....all infowould be welcomed

You can not allow a child to black mail you with a grandchild. Get rid of the grow and cut off all ties. If you cave now they will use that child as a pawn in their stupid crap for eternity and worse they will generalize it.

I would call my son up and calmly tell him that until he pays me back for the loss of the grow AND the money he borrowed, under false pretenses, he will not be welcome in my house. That further using a HUMAN as a pawn in his little game disgusts you beyond all reason.

Hopefully you made a writing with this genius about the money he borrowed, that covers what he owes and how he will pay it back. After the phone call forward that to a collection agency.

Wash hands walk away and hold your wife while she cries her brains out and then tell her it's the only chance you have of saving that grand kid from her parents. Personally I might be mean enough to call CPS and report him being on drugs. I'd be very surprised if he did not piss dirty for opiates. But then I don't know the depth of rabbit hole you're into.

Im a kid in my mid 20's and you honestly sound like my parents. They have always been wonderful to me and had my back even though we've had our differences. I left when I was 18 and moved out of state because of a bitter divorce that was going on. Me and my parents struggle to see eye to eye and it is really tough sometimes. We too get into some heated arguments and both parties make comments that neither of us mean. Ive had my dad tell me before that he was going to turn me in to the police and I have also told him that I never want anything to do with him and never wanted to see him again. It goes both ways in my situation. Sometimes my parents where crossing boundaries and other times I was just being an ungrateful little bastard. The older I get though the less and less I can get pissed at my parents. Trust me we have our differences. We are worlds apart. But at the end of the day I know they love me soo much. They bonded me out of jail and I never even asked them to I just called to tell them I was locked up in a different state and to let them know I wasn't dead in the ditch somewhere. They have also always been there for me no matter how bad ive fucked up or regardless if they agree with my handling of the situation at hand. Sometimes life gets you frustrated as hell with people you love and care about. In your situation Oldtimer I think it will eventually blow over. Hopefully your son will see that he is acting selfish. Life is short and I feel blessed to have both of my parents still here. I know people who only had one growing up or didn't have any at all.

Your never too old to get a spanking!

heres my perspective, while what he did was wrong i think you overreacted to him, though not being there i could be wrong but nevertheless

you need to chill out and wait like a week , than give a call, or go over , explain how you feel about the job situation, but do say youre sorry for how you acted or words you said to him, (he will most likely follow)
he just probably needs some time to cool off , people get heated and say dumb things they shouldnt but give them time to chill out if you bug them with phone calls it will just anger him even more

Tough one no doubt, you want to be supportive but not to be taken advantage of. Concern for ones child and their future is always a parents worst nightmare, hopefully your son now a father himself will see the reasons why you're upset and be adult enough to sit down and discuss things.

The fact he's using coercion to hammer home his perspective, says he sees you as a threat but for what reason/s I'm unsure.

oldtimer54 said:

.....snip..... and it might be a wise thing for me to remove all my growing equipment and remove all my plants because he just might call the law on me......now I know this is all big talk...........snip......

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I know my advice sounds like an extreme over reaction. But for one moment consider if he does call the cops what the consequences to your home, retirement and family would be.

The way I think must appear so aggressive and abnormal to most of you. The reason I think the way I do comes from my experience.

For example I was on trauma call, and this nice young man showed up with a knife in his abdomen. So while we are taking him to surgery, the police are taking his dying declaration. He stated his brother said he was going to kill him if he didn't stop doing something (I forget but it was trivial). He proceeded to say his brother had threatened him so many times before so he ignored him. He died and we went to dinner. But we felt very bad as we had to walk by his wife and kids crying in the waiting room.

There are so many of these in my head. I've seen so many bad things. I've lived so many bad things. I do come off very negatively and I wish I didn't. All I'm trying to do is say sometimes the long shot wins. Also please forgive me for believing it happens more often than not. But that was my life. I saw what could go wrong and just how bad it could get.

I learned not to loan money to family if I ever want to see it again. It's really low of your son to use your grandchild as a means to get back at you. It hurts everyone involved. Maybe a few weeks and he will cool off. I think his threat to call the law is just his way of saying you hit a nerve. Take it down anyway just in case. Better safe than sorry.

My mom and my sister just went through something very similar involving a grandchild. They got in a big fight about my mom's dog. Her eye got infected and she needed to be put down but my mom was sad to say goodbye and waited alittle longer than she could have. My sister freaked out and said if she can't take care of a dog that she doesn't trust her around the grandbaby. Absolutely crushed her. They didn't talk for 2 months. I finally convinced my sister to call her on Mother's Day and they both had cooled off enough to talk and emotionally clear the air. And not knowing your family dynamics that's my advice, give it some time for both of you to cool down and then think about what's what. You probably know in your gut whether the relationship can be or is worthy of saving.

Thanks for the advice....I can honestly say that my parents never had a substantial conversation about anything with me other than my father warning me about not sticking my pecker in a meat grinderand I will say I followed his advice on that subject thats where my parenting skills differ from my parents I talked about everything with my kids no subject was off limits and my kids could come to me for anything and I wouldnt pre judge them.......I just wanted them not to make the same bonehead mistakes I made and had to learn the hard way.......I love my kids and I know they know that....so I'm gonna waith thiscout for a while........time heals all wounds

Thanks again guys!

Never expect loans to family to get paid back. Consider it a gift. If you're not willing to give it to them, don't loan it to them.

If you don't give don't expect and if a son disses you there's never been nor earned.
Respect.

I agree w you old timer. Let time marinate this one.

Just give it some time and apologize later. Dont worry about what he does just take care ur side of things and everything will work itself out!

mr sunshine said:

Just give it some time and apologize later. Dont worry about what he does just take care ur side of things and everything will work itself out!

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Mr. Sunshine........thanks for blowing some well needed sunshine up my keister....!

PEACE thanks again!