cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Until the billy comes due. cn
The leading cause of goat in the world
- Thread starter UncleBuck
- Start date
mccumcumber
Well-Known Member
I always thought the leading cause of goat was Ron Paul-turtle-offspring. Guess I was mistaken.
UncleBuck
Well-Known Member
A man and his pet goat walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my goat."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the goat falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a goat."
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my goat."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the goat falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a goat."
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
I have a goat joke but ... not in front of the kids and their nanny. cn
UncleBuck
Well-Known Member
did someone say goat joke?
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Freedom Nicely University of Rednekabad, first day of classes. In his Critical Thinkin' class, the professor asked the class if anyone believes in ghosts. Many hands went up.
He asked if anyone had seen a ghost. Several hands rose up.
He asked if anyone has touched a ghost.
One hand went up.
He asked if anyone has had an intimate encounter with a ghost. The same hand went up. Impressed, the professor asked if the ghost's ectoplasmic nature made this intimate encounter unusual.
Jed blinked in confusion and said "Ghost? Whoa Nellie no. I thought you was sayin' 'goats'."
cn
He asked if anyone had seen a ghost. Several hands rose up.
He asked if anyone has touched a ghost.
One hand went up.
He asked if anyone has had an intimate encounter with a ghost. The same hand went up. Impressed, the professor asked if the ghost's ectoplasmic nature made this intimate encounter unusual.
Jed blinked in confusion and said "Ghost? Whoa Nellie no. I thought you was sayin' 'goats'."
cn
Harrekin
Well-Known Member
Quit the childhood story, where's the goat puns?
echelon1k1
New Member
goataholics anonymous anyone?
cheechako
Well-Known Member
[video=youtube;SKfqbO4cSVc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKfqbO4cSVc[/video]
squarepush3r
Well-Known Member
i don't give a fuck who you are or where you live; you can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I'll put you in so much fucking pain that it'll make jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don't give a fuck how tough you are, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I'll fucking show up at your house when you aren't at home. I'll turn on all the lights in your house, leave the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You're going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when you're being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after the operation, you'll be scared for your fucking lied, wondering what I did to you while you were being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of that hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I'd rather go to a great fucking length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It's too fucking late to save yourself, but don't bother committing suicide either…I'll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitchfaced faggot. Welcome to hell, population: you.
kelly4
Well-Known Member
Don't forget to take his weed...if the 'tweeners' haven't stole it already.
Uncle Pirate
Active Member
mccumcumber
Well-Known Member
abandonconflict
Well-Known Member
st0wandgrow
Well-Known Member
Lyrics to a bad song?