Super to Supercilious--realized it was me not the ganj

Went From Super to Supercilious
Next step is forward, superLICIOUS!
Used to walk the streets like I was vicious
lost pride, left me feelin' less viscous

used to live like no tomorrow.
used to act like i was with it
never been content withsorrow,
till I
took a puff and 'came complacent,
just like addicts who cant quit it,
ill, a cowardice
cant
stand up to
kick it.

Too Discontent to
STAY indifferent
was afraid to hope or change it,
so was sticking w/the same shit:
and got stuck more than a tidbit.

When I would just get hi,
get by,
stoned,
ripped, and pay rent,
I coulda utilized Time better,
gone is where it all went,
'stead of making things happen,
only spent my days getting spent.

Rollin' up another cigarillo. To fill the hollow inside the pride.
Smokin the nights away
contemplating fate and asking Y?
choosing NOT to do, 'steada gettin on the train
left hopeless
Started,
still going insane,
now mind filled with haze.
stay up too late, get too baked,
end up dissatisfied, waylayed.--
effects from doing nothing,
but long, bongin'-nights
o'puttin resin in my brain.

next day after smoke is gray
I will puke if I choose to take
another hit again too
scared to take a chance only to play it safe,
the risk free route
in this game
i participate
there's an infinite way up,
finite desireable way out

when will my thoughts return to clarity?
forming into spout?
cas-cading in ability ?
Then will my insane
gyration
turn to sanity?

this hazey maze, can't quite find the outlet .
Don't wanna die
stuck in-a-rut-o' the same ole' shit,
this I cannot permit,
allowing the mundane,
this I cannot permit.
theres so much more to me than this.
IF I don't break the chain
and kick the habbit.
left to the only solace
of smoking days away-- becoming empty nights: will repeat the process
I cannot have it.

had no one to berate me,
lost sight and full of ignorance
not even I could tolerate me,
sick o' my own impudence.

slipped and kept on slippin'
but don't know y i didn't stop it.
no passion,
let it more than once slip away
a pathetic apathetic
instead of picking up the beat,
i dropped it.

I miss waking and feeling wide awake.
Now when i wake up I'm still baked.
Smokey nights make for Foggy haizey cloudy days
Keep floa-ting Tryin'a catch my feet.
Influenced by complacency with the help of ganja green,
dull thoughts make my conscience weak.
Awake, but not truely,
my thoughts
revert to states of sleep.

Let that precipitate.
It can enhance the experience,
but eventually reduce prurience.
used to live like i had nothing
at stake.
Tho I say I do, CANT fully
appreciate
life's gifts so precious and sweet, if not utilized
become bleak.
Cuz until I WAKE UP! I'M still asleep.

Hey I thought i'd share some poems I wrote I few years back, searching for meaning and the correct path for my then 18 year old life. Just writing shit down helped me get off my ass and get a job and get in school. If anyone out there is hesitant about what to do, just take the first step, and go from there.

listen to this
If lifes such a bitch
then be more careful with it.
makes no sense?
all science, got stuck on the books and
let fog roll in too deep,
dying to c past it.
striving to make the magic
happen,

rain and the flooded streets
- let lightning thunder -
using tactics as weapons
moving swift to scratch the itch
before its infected,
before i get hit, make it quick. 4 2Late
2 learn MY lesson.

Say HEY,
i say DAMN tothe motha fuckr
wont quit ridin my bumper, In this weather?
cant even see past my windows
Gotta go slow
without staying teathered.
Listen to this tho,
revenge is a bitch.
so be careful with it. yo
bet I shake water from my head
when prudes
stay in
when its wet.
Im a beatnik.
Better yet, people who
drive slow
as shit or ride ur ass make me sweat.
If i didn't ever do so myself I'd never no
hate makes a hypocrite sick.
I no its ironic.
really listen to this
revenge's a bitch
SO I'll be careful with it.
Cant get caught up
nor poison my own cup.
My mind, has it slipped
to a lower ignorance?
How to find, shit, anything with significance?
Instead found no tolerance
stress limit reaching peaks,
full of annoyance.

Remembered a smile
That kep' me bouyant.
Time to pinch off the deuce and get my head out the toilet.
tho yet in shambles and voided

still a self proclaimed sage
on a wave of clairvoyance
ride the tides til i make it
won't fail. cant fake it.

My body is my temple, but can't seem to keep the blasphemy from happening.
Results from adverse actions impinging.
no longer inviolable,
I realize I havnt been too wise
only me to be held liable
withheld regret inside.

A dimishing facade,
fabricated,
i cannot hide it,
in this masquerade,so full a shit,
do u buy it?

every time I stop and look around
get absorbed in my surroundings
lost with no function in compunction
hungry soul deprivated,
starving for nourishment,
stagnated.
i seek fruition,
Tho i think I know where that is,
remaining exacerbated,
I maintane a refrain while
abstain to attain it.

weakening of resistance
building friction
in a descending attrition.
what causes your afflictions?
I'd appreciate
if u'd revelate
any realization

scarred and bleeding,
searching for a deeper meaning.
chosen to be alone on my own
impeded healing.
theres more than tits to titillation.
failing self-actualization.
how to achieve a full operation?

Constipated.
Life used to be so much more pleasant. Warm and familiar. I was content, had no worries. Now i'm cold...
from the bridges I've burned
, especially with family,
and from the friends I've seen burried.
Maybe thats just the price for being an adult and surly
. I want to go back to being undefiled.
like the gaeity i had as a child.
But where is the passion?
Replaced instead with apathy.
What a tragedy,
lack of courage
made me half the man I used to be.

Chaos.
School oft seems like a waste of my education.
Frustrated and constipated
trying2elude total asphyxiation.
The old me eradicated,
now translucent and jaded.
Society is the cause of my moral frustration.
It all started with this Earth's huminization. Now,
"standard living" is causing its disintigration. -Its beauty devistated.
especially during this, our generation. jUst wanted to share this ecumentically pertainant declaration.Don't mean to use
broad generalizations, but is the way we live what u call civilization?

We speak different dialects. Even tho we connect on congruent levels of intelect. Every time I see you the same feelings are resurect. So I'll put it in retro spect. Ur my heroine, My hero-girl, not the drug. I'm addicted to u tho, and can't get enough o yo love, BaABAaY. I want u so bad. I no i cant hide it, and mad at myself then cause I didn't even try it.

Ur right as rain. but am i insane? or r we playing the same game? I remember how hard my heart pounded
at the thought of you and how it skipped a beat, nearly exploded,
when you came into view
I remember how u used to write. Do u still?
How many days
did I linger around hoping u'd come down.
How many nights since,
have I walked out
hoping to run into you at the place we ended our friendship.
A part of me still hopes to see you walk around the corner everytime I'm up there.
I was only a boy. Now I'm just a man.
Seven years went by like the blink of an eye.
Not srry to say
no one I've met since has gripped me the same way
u did.
I remember feeling wild.
Was it cuz i was a just kid,
No.
U attracted me
with those eyes. That voice,
sweet and nazely,
and the way u swing ur hips and bounce from heel to toe when you walk. simply amazing me.
o what you did and still do
to me, U left a lasting impression.
Ur right as rain. but am i insane? or r we playing the same game? I remember how hard my heart pounded
at the thought of you and how it skipped a beat, nearly exploded,
when you came into view