Suicide / Death that hits close to home ?

GreatwhiteNorth · Aug 12, 2011

Recently a forum acquantance mentioned a friend had committed suicide & I began to think. . .
I lost a very close friend years ago, he ate a bullet during a nasty divorce & I never really understood why. I understand all the psyco-babble, but the actual "Ok, I'm ready to check out now that I'm reasonably young and healthy" just escapes me. His death affected dozens of people not the least of his children & his folks. It seems to be a very selfish act & I can't fathom how one wouldn't think of others before doing it.

Jakabok Botch · Aug 12, 2011

when u get caught in the moment u cant think of anyone else...just to make the pain stop....but in all reality i agree it is a selfish way to do it and yes it will effect alot of ppl....

aTTicRaT · Aug 12, 2011

It boggles my mind too. I would be lying if I said I've never been in such a predicament that the thought of suicide hadn't crossed my mind, but there is always a bright light at the end of the very darkest tunnels. Yes indeed it is a selfish act, but that's always why I kept on going. I couldn't think of my friends, family, wife, and child having to deal with such a burden due to my selfishness. Sorry for your loss BTW.

medicalmaryjane · Aug 12, 2011

i disagree. you have to live for you. if you dont want to live, that's your business and only your business. i cant see doing that, especially with a family who depends on you but heck, people gott do what they gotta do. i don't think u can judge until youve wlked a day in someone elses shoes. i woldnt be angry if someone close to me killed themself. id be sad but i would try to undderstand that its not all about me and hope they are in a better place. lifes not all peachy. i think its selfish for people to think someone is selfish for killing themself. obviously that person was really hurting. should have done something while they were alive. maybe people were too selfish to notice how bad this person was doing. people & their fucked up priorities. same people who think it's selfish to not have children. actually, it is selfish to have them. people need their heads examined

racerboy71 · Aug 12, 2011

idk man, but i think when people reach the point of suicide, they think that no one cares about them maybe, or that they won't be misssed, or maybe they're better off dead kind of thinking..
i'd think that when you reach that point in life, you're not doing much thinking about other people and how your death will affect them, but rather are more focused on what's causing you so much pain and how to make it end..

Jakabok Botch · Aug 12, 2011

aTTicRaT said:
It boggles my mind too. I would be lying if I said I've never been in such a predicament that the thought of suicide hadn't crossed my mind, but there is always a bright light at the end of the very darkest tunnels. Yes indeed it is a selfish act, but that's always why I kept on going. I couldn't think of my friends, family, wife, and child having to deal with such a burden due to my selfishness. Sorry for your loss BTW.

thats bout it....there have been times where i thought bout it too....but i think "iv got too much shit to do"

GreatwhiteNorth · Aug 12, 2011

medicalmaryjane said:
i disagree. you have to live for you. if you dont want to live, that's your business and only your business. i cant see doing that, especially with a family who depends on you but heck, people gott do what they gotta do. i don't think u can judge until youve wlked a day in someone elses shoes. i woldnt be angry if someone close to me killed themself. id be sad but i would try to undderstand that its not all about me and hope they are in a better place. lifes not all peachy. i think its selfish for people to think someone is selfish for killing themself. obviously that person was really hurting. should have done something while they were alive. maybe people were too selfish to notice how bad this person was doing. people & their fucked up priorities. same people who think it's selfish to not have children. actually, it is selfish to have them. people need their heads examined

We'll have to agree that we disagree on this subject my friend - I consistently put my loved ones and family before self & would indeed think of how something like that would affect my 4 children, my wife, my parents, siblings., best friends. I have been through a nasty, bloody divorce w/ custody proceedings and several other pretty traumatic life events & would be lying if I told you that at that time I didn't consider it a "last resort" tool in my pocket, but it never would happen due to my obligations to those people.
And those children weren't a whim, all are loved for whom they are.
Peace

darkdestruction420 · Aug 12, 2011

I know a girl at work who's former roommate and very close freind just hung herself thursday morning. no one saw it coming and she showed absolutely nothing out of thew ordinary, she just went down in the basement, tied an electric cord around her neck and....well, im pretty sure you can guess what happened next. No one will ever know why, she left no letter and like i said acted completely normal and her life was going good. so sometimes its impossible to tell.
Honestly ive been in some awful low points but ive never contemplated suicide. even when it felt like i was all alone and had nothing going for me. I cant imagine it even. Hitting rock bottom does have a good side, things can only get better. Thats the mindset I try to go into and its always helped me. I wish I could help the people who cant and give up.
On another semi offtopic note- I read in the paper a while back about this place in australia where people always seem to go to jump off this cliff and the guy who lived across the street who managed to save alot of them. I wish i remembered more about it. im going to go look it up and see if i can find it.

darkdestruction420 · Aug 12, 2011

its not the exact article i dont think and is from fox news but they didnt mangle it too badly.

SYDNEY (AP) — In those bleak moments when the lost souls stood atop the cliff, wondering whether to jump, the sound of the wind and the waves was broken by a soft voice. "Why don't you come and have a cup of tea?" the stranger would ask. And when they turned to him, his smile was often their salvation.
For almost 50 years, Don Ritchie has lived across the street from Australia's most notorious suicide spot, a rocky cliff at the entrance to Sydney Harbour called The Gap. And in that time, the man widely regarded as a guardian angel has shepherded countless people away from the edge.

What some consider grim, Ritchie considers a gift. How wonderful, the former life insurance salesman says, to save so many. How wonderful to sell them life.
"You can't just sit there and watch them," says Ritchie, now 84, perched on his beloved green leather chair, from which he keeps a watchful eye on the cliff outside. "You gotta try and save them. It's pretty simple."
Since the 1800s, Australians have flocked to The Gap to end their lives, with little more than a 3-foot (1 meter) fence separating them from the edge. Local officials say around one person a week commits suicide there, and in January, the Woollahra Council applied for 2.1 million Australian dollars ($1.7 million) in federal funding to build a higher fence and overhaul security.
In the meantime, Ritchie keeps up his voluntary watch. The council recently named Ritchie and Moya, his wife of 58 years, 2010's Citizens of the Year.
He's saved 160 people, according to the official tally, but that's only an estimate. Ritchie doesn't keep count. He just knows he's watched far more walk away from the edge than go over it.
Dianne Gaddin likes to believe Ritchie was at her daughter's side before she jumped in 2005. Though he can't remember now, she is comforted by the idea that Tracy felt his warmth in her final moments.
"He's an angel," she says. "Most people would be too afraid to do anything and would probably sooner turn away and run away. But he had the courage and the charisma and the care and the magnetism to reach people who were coming to the end of their tether."
Something about Ritchie exudes a feeling of calm. His voice has a soothing raspiness to it, and his pale blue eyes are gentle. Though he stands tall at just over 6'2 (an inch shorter, he notes with a grin, than he used to be), he hardly seems imposing.
Each morning, he climbs out of bed, pads over to the bedroom window of his modest, two-story home, and scans the cliff. If he spots anyone standing alone too close to the precipice, he hurries to their side.
Some he speaks with are fighting medical problems, others suffering mental illness. Sometimes, the ones who jump leave behind reminders of themselves on the edge — notes, wallets, shoes. Ritchie once rushed over to help a man on crutches. By the time he arrived, the crutches were all that remained.
In his younger years, he would occasionally climb the fence to hold people back while Moya called the police. He would help rescue crews haul up the bodies of those who couldn't be saved. And he would invite the rescuers back to his house afterward for a comforting drink.
It all nearly cost him his life once. A chilling picture captured decades ago by a local news photographer shows Ritchie struggling with a woman, inches from the edge. The woman is seen trying to launch herself over the side — with Ritchie the only thing between her and the abyss. Had she been successful, he would have gone over, too.
These days, he keeps a safer distance. The council installed security cameras this year and the invention of mobile phones means someone often calls for help before he crosses the street.
But he remains available to lend an ear, though he never tries to counsel, advise or pry. He just gives them a warm smile, asks if they'd like to talk and invites them back to his house for tea. Sometimes, they join him.
"I'm offering them an alternative, really," Ritchie says. "I always act in a friendly manner. I smile."
A smile cannot, of course, save everyone; the motivations behind suicide are too varied. But simple kindness can be surprisingly effective. Mental health professionals tell the story of a note left behind by a man who jumped off San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way to the bridge, the man wrote, I will not jump.
By offering compassion, Ritchie helps those who are suicidal think beyond the terrible present moment, says psychiatrist Gordon Parker, executive director of the Black Dog Institute, a mood disorder research center that has supported the council's efforts to improve safety at The Gap.
"They often don't want to die, it's more that they want the pain to go away," Parker says. "So anyone that offers kindness or hope has the capacity to help a number of people."
Kevin Hines wishes someone like Ritchie was there the day he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in 2000. For 40 agonizing minutes, the then-19-year-old paced the bridge, weeping, and hoping someone would ask him what was wrong. One tourist finally approached — but simply asked him to take her picture. Moments later, he jumped.
Hines, who suffers from bipolar disorder, was severely injured, but eventually recovered. Today he says if one person had shown they were not blind to his pain, he probably would never have jumped.
"A smile can go a long way — caring can go even further. And the fact that he offers them tea and he just listens, he's really all they wanted," Hines says. "He's all a lot of suicidal people want."
In 2006, the government recognized Ritchie's efforts with a Medal of the Order of Australia, among the nation's highest civilian honors. It hangs on his living room wall above a painting of a sunshine someone left in his mailbox. On it is a message calling Ritchie "an angel that walks amongst us."
He smiles bashfully. "It makes you — oh, I don't know," he says, looking away. "I feel happy about it."
But he speaks readily and fondly of one woman he saved, who came back to thank him. He spotted her sitting alone one day, her purse already beyond the fence. He invited her to his house to meet Moya and have tea. The couple listened to her problems and shared breakfast with her. Eventually, her mood improved and she drove home.
A couple of months later, she returned with a bottle of champagne. And about once a year, she visits or writes, assuring them she is happy and well.
There have been a few, though, that he could not save. One teenager ignored his coaxings and suddenly jumped. A wind blew the boy's hat into Ritchie's outstretched hand.
He later found out the teen had lived next door, years earlier. His mother brought Ritchie flowers and thanked him for trying. If you couldn't have talked him out of it, she told him, no one could.
Despite all he has seen, he says he is not haunted by the ones who were lost. He cannot remember the first suicide he witnessed, and none have plagued his nightmares. He says he does his best with each person, and if he loses one, he accepts that there was nothing more he could have done.
Nor have he and Moya ever felt burdened by the location of their home.
"I think, 'Isn't it wonderful that we live here and we can help people?'" Moya says, her husband nodding in agreement.
Their life has been a good one, they say. They raised three beautiful daughters and now have three grandchildren to adore. They have traveled the world, and their home is decorated with statues and masks from their journeys. Ritchie proudly points out a dried, shellacked piranha — a souvenir from their vacation to the Amazon, where he insisted on swimming with the creatures (to Moya's dismay).
Until about a year ago, the former Navy seaman enjoyed a busy social life, regularly lunching with friends. But battles with cancer and his advancing years have taken their toll, and now he spends most days at home with Moya, buried in a good book. His current read: the Dalai Lama's "The Art of Happiness."
Every now and then, he looks up from his books to scan the horizon for anyone who might need him. He'll keep doing so, he says, for as long as he's here.
And when he's not?
He chuckles softly.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/06/13/australias-worst-suicide-spot-man-saves-lives-kind-smile-cup-tea/#ixzz1UwKuTFat

Psychedelic Breakfast · Aug 13, 2011

racerboy71 said:
idk man, but i think when people reach the point of suicide, they think that no one cares about them maybe, or that they won't be misssed, or maybe they're better off dead kind of thinking..
i'd think that when you reach that point in life, you're not doing much thinking about other people and how your death will affect them, but rather are more focused on what's causing you so much pain and how to make it end..

Good point. I always see everyone jump on the guy or girl who does it. Or someone get ridiculed for even thinking it. I'm sure most people who do it do in fact care about others, the pain of whatever they're going through is just so much. Support is the best method in my opinion

With that being said, sorry for your loss :peace:

Urca · Aug 13, 2011

ive been there before... it just feels like everyone would be better without you, that you're so imperfect that no one wants you or wants you around. every word that hurts becomes a stone in your chest, weighing you down, and you keep sinking into this cycle, and you just want to make it easier on everyone else, or at least its the train of thought.

but i couldnt leave my twin brother behind, came into the world with him, how could i leave him alone in the world?

redivider · Aug 13, 2011

one of my friend's brother was found in the trunk of a car with 56 bullet holes.... that was fucked up.....

another kid i know had 'his face erased' with ak47 bullets... sends a message of sorts.... glad i got out of there...lol...

Psychedelic Breakfast · Aug 13, 2011

redivider said:
one of my friend's brother was found in the trunk of a car with 56 bullet holes.... that was fucked up.....

another kid i know had 'his face erased' with ak47 bullets... sends a message of sorts.... glad i got out of there...lol...

I can't believe we live in a world where that's even a possibilty. Pains me to hear that RIP :peace:

GreatwhiteNorth · Aug 13, 2011

redivider said:
one of my friend's brother was found in the trunk of a car with 56 bullet holes.... that was fucked up.....
another kid i know had 'his face erased' with ak47 bullets... sends a message of sorts.... glad i got out of there...lol...

I find it incomprehensible that we can randomly act this way to each other. I understand conflict & have been involved in my share, but that sounds much like executions which I'd have no part in.
That couldn't have been any fun for you to go through.

Luger187 · Aug 13, 2011

when i was in 5th grade, a kid i knew at my school went into his home bathroom and locked the door, then huffed some lysol off a rag. his grandma heard him hit the floor but couldnt open the door. he ended up dying. he was definitely too young to realize what he was doing. im sure all he thought about was feeling good

2 or 3 years later, i was at another school in another city, like 30 minutes away from my old one. i was friends with this guy for a few months. one day we were walkin home and got on the subject of death for some reason. he started tellin the story about his cousin that died from huffing. it turns out his cousin was that guy that i knew! small world...

Urca · Aug 13, 2011

man as far as death goes, it seems to be everywhere.
8 kids got shot around here in july. Then, my sister has an ex, and his sister's man was paralyzed from the waist down after a 16 year old shot him.

the hardest death cause i knew here, was my friend Jera. She got cancer when we were sophomores, and she died in March.

We were never close friends, but i sat next to her, talked to her everyday, about makeup and boys and she interviewed me for the school newspaper. When the year ended i thought we could end up being better friends.
But she never came back to school

Winter Woman · Aug 13, 2011

Years ago my brother and business partner was in the deepest depths of depression. He had it all played out in his head. For some reason I asked him what he had been thinking about so hard and he told me. He was going to do it that day. Through heavy tears, I looked him right straight in the eyes and asked him, "What about me? You're leaving me alone, how am I to live without you." At this point in time all the family I had was my 2 brothers. Everyone else had died, it's a long story.

His whole face and body language changed and he said he hadn't considered the people who loved him. His preacher told him this, "If man looks inside himself long enough he will always find a fool. The trick is to not look to deeply and forgive yourself." For some reason those words have stuck with him (thank God). Now he can't believe he came so close to ending it-he said he was going to drive into a bridge abutment, so no one would know it was suicide. But, he had bought a gun 2 days earlier.

Maybe being able to forgive yourself is key? I don't know.

obijohn · Aug 13, 2011

Life's been pretty good for the most part, but many years a go I went through some hard times and thought about it (the ONLY time I considered it). But aside from hurting those I love, I'm just too afraid to do something that extreme, that final. besides, it might hurt!

GreatwhiteNorth · Aug 13, 2011

obijohn said:
Life's been pretty good for the most part, but many years a go I went through some hard times and thought about it (the ONLY time I considered it). But aside from hurting those I love, I'm just too afraid to do something that extreme, that final. besides, it might hurt!

Self preservation is a powerful motivator.

neosapien · Aug 13, 2011

GreatwhiteNorth said:
Recently a forum acquantance mentioned a friend had committed suicide & I began to think. . .
I lost a very close friend years ago, he ate a bullet during a nasty divorce & I never really understood why. I understand all the psyco-babble, but the actual "Ok, I'm ready to check out now that I'm reasonably young and healthy" just escapes me. His death affected dozens of people not the least of his children & his folks. It seems to be a very selfish act & I can't fathom how one wouldn't think of others before doing it.

My little cousin killed herself. About 2 months ago she also ate a bullet. I've thought about it alot. It still is a big mess. The only conclusion I've come to is that perhaps it was a frantic impulse and she really wasn't thinking. Even so, yes it is very selfish in the end. Either way we're still here and they're not eventually it's time to move on.

Suicide / Death that hits close to home ?

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