Post a joke

R

ruudong

Active Member
here is one for the canadian people here

In a train there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady.

The train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.

When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

** The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"

** The fat lady thought - "That dirty old American must have laid his hands on the blond and she smacked him"

** The American thought - "That damn Canadian put his hand on that blond and by mistake she slapped me"

** The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again"
 
M

Mr.Bring.It.Mane

Active Member
LITTLE JOHNNY'S 1st DAY

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"

Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
An elderly woman sees a breaking news story on TV about a car going the wrong way on the freeway. Her husband is out, so she taps numbers into her Jitterbug. "Be careful, Dear ... I just heard there's a car going the wrong way on the freeway."

Her husband's terrified voice comes back "Not one, Martha ... hundreds!!" cn
 
M

Mr.Bring.It.Mane

Active Member
[h=2]The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"

Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."[/h]
 
sniffer

sniffer

Well-Known Member
a guy in the army was telling his buddy about his plane jump training , but got scared .

so the drill sargent yells at him , you jump out this plane right now or im going to shove my dick up your ass !

his friend says , did you jump ?

he says , alittle at first ,,, lol
 
sniffer

sniffer

Well-Known Member
this cop was walking down the street , and happen to see two little drunks laying in the gutter ,

he didnt think much of it til he looked closer and saw that one of the drunks had his finger shoved up the other drunks ass ,,

so he asked the drunk what he was doing ? the guy looked up and said , hi offcier , see this here is my friend

and he drank to much so im trying to make him throw up ,

the cop laughed and said , well i dont think having your finger shoved up his ass is going to make him throwup , lol

and the little drunk looked up and said , oh yeah just wait til i put this finger in his mouth ,,

lol
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
Favorite old drunk joke.
The police find a drunk passed out in a gutter. They wake him.
"You're under arrest for public drunkenness! Anything you say will be held against you."
The drunk leered up at the officers, slurred "Salma Hayek!" and passed out.
cn
 
G

Gyroscope

Well-Known Member
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a roosterwearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What on earth is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago andall his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm." "Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?" The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."
 
dvs1038

dvs1038

Well-Known Member
I'm reposting these jokes from another thread I just posted em in.

So there's 3 guys in a bar drunk as hell and they r talkin and laughin then finally one of em walks up to the bartender and says "Hey I got a bet 4 u. U c that glass at the end of the bar I bet u $100 I can piss in it from the other side of the bar and not spill a drop." So the bartender agrees and the guy gets up on the opposite side of the bar and starts pissing all over the place on the floor on the stools, even on the bartender himself. So the bartender laugh's and says u lose pay up and the guy laughing says one second walks over to the other 2 guys gets a wad of cash and goes back over and gives the bartender $100 and the bartender asks whats so funny and he says well u c those 2 guys they bet me $500 that I couldn't piss all over ur bar and u and not only would u not get mad but u would laugh about it.

#2 Guy walks into a bar and over in the corner there is a horse with a sign on him that says $250 if you can make this horse laugh, so the guy walks over to the horse and whispers sumptin in his ear and the horse starts laughing, so the guy gets his money and says thanks and leaves. Then a week later the same guy comes in again and the bartender says Hey buddy u gotta do sumptin my horse has been laughing non-stop all week since u left u gotta do sumptin if u can stop him I'll double what I gave u last time. So the guy says ok and takes the horse's lead and takes him around back, and a min later they come back in and the horse is crying this time, and the bartender says WTF is goin on last week he won't stop laughing and now he is crying what did u do. And the guy says well last week I told him I had a bigger dick than him, and this week I showed him.
 
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