Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

dirtsurfr

dirtsurfr

Well-Known Member
Winter Woman said:
BEIJING (Reuters) - A joke circulating among officials in Beijing pretty much underlines the bind China is in over North Korea's plans to send a satellite into space.


North Korea's young ruler Kim Jong-un phones a Chinese leader to tell him about timing of the planned rocket launch. "When will it be?" asks the Chinese leader.


Kim replies: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four..."
Click to expand...
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dirtsurfr

dirtsurfr

Well-Known Member
Thought you would enjoy this educational moment in American history.
Can you name this strange old tool?
Do you know what it is?
Look below, read and learn..

View attachment 2116570

Tobacco Smoke
Enema Kit

Tobacco Smoke
Enemas (1750s – 1810s)


The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various
medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum.
The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “blow smoke up one’s ass.”
This has been reintroduced in Washington D.C. , by the Obama Administration.
It will be part of the New Health Care Program.:-P:-P
 
ANC

ANC

Well-Known Member
[video=youtube;kfhvCagUE-o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfhvCagUE-o&feature=player_embedded[/video]
 
curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......



With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge, show him your badge !!!
 
curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program called unexpected child processing pop up began running and took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all my other programs and now acts as a firewall and monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 ,andGolfing 3.6. have been badly damaged.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 minimized in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!!!!!!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 toWife 1.0, thinking that the new program is a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Details of this can be found in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application called 'Yes.Dear 2.3' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action when the system shuts down is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0is a great program, but it can be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 andDo Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. Such as Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system! And may break off your hard drive right at the biz-hub.

Best of luck,

Tech Support





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