Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

woodsmaneh!

woodsmaneh!

Well-Known Member
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[FONT=&quot]WHY NEWFIES CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Bud and Jim are out in the woods hunting when suddenly[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Bud grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Jim whips out his cell phone and calls 911.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]He gasps to the operator, "By t'undering Jesus, I tink Bud is dead! What should I do?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]There is a silence...... and then a gun shot is heard.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Jim comes back on the line : "Okay, now what?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
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Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said: “Quit while you’re ahead?”
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
I don’t mean to be mean,
but Yo mama needs Listerine,
not a sip, not a swallow,
but the whole damn bottle.
This is a fact,
Yo mama’s breath is wack,
she needs a Tic, not a Tac,
but the whole damn pack.
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: “I can do so much better.”


Q: What did he say after he created woman?
A: “Guess I was wrong!”

 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Teacher: Which living species flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Johnny : (excited because he knows the answer)
Johnny : AIR HOSTESS!!!!
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
12-Step Internet Recovery Program

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.
I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime … and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
 
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