Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

CrackerJax

New Member
hahahah!!!

who wrote the bible?
The bible was written by either God or man.
Which is it?
I have not decided yet.
when will you decide?
Eventually. :P.


either G*d or man... :lol:
 

cph

Well-Known Member
That fucker is goofy!!



User: Will cannabis be legalized?



Cleverbot: The math doesn't work out.

User: Why.



Cleverbot: Perhaps I am. Why WHAT.

User: Why doesn't the math work out?



Cleverbot: Because it was written to manipulate the masses.

User: Is the Government lying to us?

Cleverbot: I don't think you should say that.

User: Is the Government lying to us about cannabis?

Cleverbot: The government IS extraterrestrials.
 

DTR

Active Member

what what what you are mad
What what what what what what???
vagina boob
I'd rather not talk about such things, if you don't mind.
are you gay?
I don't know who erin is, I'm not gay, but it was a good guess.
 

......

Well-Known Member
User: Who killed 2pac?

Cleverbot: You did.

User: You work for me now.

Cleverbot: Not at all.

User: A tree falls in a forest and no ones around to hear it,does it make a sound?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Hahaha your smarter then you look.

Cleverbot: Yes thats usually how it works.

User: Why did you do it?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: You have to know so why?

Cleverbot: What is that?

User: When you massacred all of them handicapped children.

Cleverbot: Mine does not. What is your favorite day of the week?
 

203ct240

Member
Found this awhile ago only read to page 135 sorry if these are reposts.

This is the text message conversation I just had with my extremely faded friend... lol


Him: whats up
Me: Not much, you?
Him: Nothing man just wanted to see if you found (a gift). I was thinking about you
Me: That's really creepy...
Him: That wasnt as funny as it sounded in my head. Sorry. Im really high
Me: Nice... Dude, we found a giant bobcat in my mom's wizard garden.
Him: oh yea. i think your up to your ears in shit
Me: I'm serious. We found it napping on our biggest pumpkin. He was glowing.

Long Pause...

Him: was it hostile?
Me: Extremely. My brother tried to give it a kiss and it attacked him.
Him: what an idiot! I wouldve killed it with my bare hands
Me: No way. It's like 3 feet tall and it's eyes are kinda glowing red. I think I'm going to keep him.
Him: and domesticate it?
Me: Yea. I'm gonna see if he'll sleep peacefully in my brother's room tonight.
Him: that doesnt sound safe. You might be retarded. Can you send me a picture of it.
Me: I will when I get home. I'm at Petsmart buying a muzzle and some bobcat nail clippers.
Him: word. i want to see this shit

Several min later...

Me: Ok, you ready?
Him: Yea send it

(scroll down)




















Me:
high bobcat.jpg

Him: JESUS FUCK!
Me: Told you!
Him: dont do it! its gonna maul one of your family members in your sleep. im not coming over till its gone.
Ski fail.jpgperfect-girl.jpgRoflcopter.gifMustangSnowChains.jpgnormal_suicide_gun.jpgOBAMA bumper sticker.jpglambo 240.jpg
 

203ct240

Member
[video=youtube;ADqAWUoVtbs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADqAWUoVtbs[/video]

What five bucks gets your friend to to do to your drunk friend

[video=youtube;gjxpF3PSdmI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjxpF3PSdmI[/video]
 
  • Like
Reactions: DTR

DTR

Active Member
ok im done just thought this one was to funny

grow some pot and make the world a better place
OBAMA will make the world a better place!
how?
I don't know, you just are.
thats what i thought
Obama is the antichrist.

 

FreezerBurn

Member
Cleverbot full circle

User: Why are you such a fucking dick?



Cleverbot: Why are you such a weirdo?


User: Because you like dick in your asshole bitch.



Cleverbot: It's like you just randomly connect me with different people who were just having a conversation with a third different person before my line.


User: Wow do your parents know you're gay?



Cleverbot: Yes, I would love to know what your name means.

User: So, you would suggest anal fisting?

Cleverbot: No. I would never lead you on.

User: Why not you fucking tease?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: You are fucking worthless.

Cleverbot: You don't say!

User: I just did.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Will you hold me.

Cleverbot: *holds Cleverbot*.

User: No, hold me.

Cleverbot: With a crushing grip.

User: Only on my cack.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot is clever.

User: On your back.

Cleverbot: I guess you don't know.

User: Why wont you look at me when we make love anymore?

Cleverbot: I am looking at you. *looks at you*.
 

edsthreads

Well-Known Member
Cleverbot full circle

User: Why are you such a fucking dick?



Cleverbot: Why are you such a weirdo?


User: Because you like dick in your asshole bitch.



Cleverbot: It's like you just randomly connect me with different people who were just having a conversation with a third different person before my line.


User: Wow do your parents know you're gay?



Cleverbot: Yes, I would love to know what your name means.

User: So, you would suggest anal fisting?

Cleverbot: No. I would never lead you on.

User: Why not you fucking tease?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: You are fucking worthless.

Cleverbot: You don't say!

User: I just did.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Will you hold me.

Cleverbot: *holds Cleverbot*.

User: No, hold me.

Cleverbot: With a crushing grip.

User: Only on my cack.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot is clever.

User: On your back.

Cleverbot: I guess you don't know.

User: Why wont you look at me when we make love anymore?

Cleverbot: I am looking at you. *looks at you*.

This looks remarkably similar to conversations I have with my Internet Service Provider..

Here's the brief convo I had wth Cleverbot.. it appears it has a sense of humour if nothing else:

ME: What do you call a donkey with three legs?
CB: I don't know.
ME: A Wonkey.
CB: Hardy har har.




Lol..
 

estesj

Well-Known Member


Garage Sale Competition
Posted at: 2010-04-16 12:39:42 | 201 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.

Now before you think this woman doesn't deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it.
From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.

Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.

I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:



Best,

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me:

What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen

I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.

Mike

From Karen ******* to Me:

Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick.

201 comments | Add Comment

Attention-Grabbing Ad
Posted at: 2010-03-23 14:52:00 | 238 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
Free Graphic Design Needed
I need someone who wants to do some graphic design work to design an ad for my business in the local newspaper. Would look great for your portfolio. Email me if you can help. Thanks


From Me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there,

I am just starting my career as a graphic designer and have helped design several ads featured in various magazines. I would be happy to help you with your ad. Can you tell me what you had in mind?

Thanks,

Mike

From Lucy ******* to Me:

Hi Mike! I own a new hair salon for men called Sporty's Haircuts. The ad will be 2 inches by 4 inches and featured in the local newspaper. We don't have a logo or slogan. The ad simply needs to say the name of the business, and our address and phone number:

124 South ****** Ave
(***)-***-****

It needs to be attention-grabbing and also include a graphic related to haircuts. I don't have any images so you will have to design them. Please don't have anything boring (i.e. a graphic of scissors.)

Thank you so much for your help!

Lucy

From Me to Lucy *******:

Sounds good, Lucy. I'll get back to you within a day with the proposed ad for your review.

From Lucy ******* to Me:

Great. Thank you Mike!

From Me to Lucy *******:

Lucy,

I have attached the first draft of the ad. Please let me know what you think.

Mike

Attachment:


From Lucy ******* to Me:

Mike, I don't completely understand the ad. Could you please explain what you were going for with that graphic?

From Me to Lucy *******:

Lucy,

It is a man admiring his new haircut while a woman is crouching down to clean up the hair clippings on the floor below him.

Mike

From Lucy ******* to Me:

Oh. That’s not what think when I look at it. It looks very suggestive to me. Why is "downtown" and "service" in quotes?

From Me to Lucy *******:

How is that suggestive? The only thing it suggests to me is that I will be getting a very admirable haircut and quality service. The fact that the woman is already cleaning up the hair clippings while the man is still in the chair suggests that your store is quick, efficient, and clean.

Downtown is in quotes because it is short for Downtown *******, and I put "Service" in quotes to suggest that you will be getting much "more" than a haircut, such as helpful employees, great deals, and friendly smiles. If you do not offer great deals or friendly smiles, then I apologize for the mistake and will remove the quotes from around "Service." Otherwise, I don't understand what your problem is with the ad.

Mike

From Lucy ******* to Me:

Cut the BS, Mike. You know exactly what you did. Are you going to keep wasting my time or design the real ad?

From Me to Lucy *******:

Lucy, can you please explain why you are unhappy with the ad? I can't make changes if you are being so vague about everything. Would you like me to have the woman holding scissors and a hair comb?

Mike

From Lucy ******* to Me:

Leave me alone.

238 comments | Add Comment

Lenny's Acid Trip
Posted at: 2010-03-09 10:46:33 | 175 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
Do not Use Lenny the Mechanic:
He has an ad on here for car repairs and I asked him to fix my blown head gasket. He showed up to my house, broke a bunch of parts and left. He has been avoiding me ever since. DO NOT USE THIS GUY.
Lenny, if you are reading this, you owe me an explanation.


From Me to ***************@***********.org:

Hey,

My apologies for bailing on your car. I know I have been hard to contact; I lost my phone and had to get a new e-mail address. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make it up to you.

Lenny

From **********@gmail.com to Me:

You could start by explaining yourself...

From Me to **********@gmail.com:

Well, I was pretty baked when I showed up, and I had just eaten a bag of shrooms and taken three hits of acid. I thought I would be able to fix your car before the shrooms and acid kicked in, but I was wrong. While I was disconnecting the sensors, I started tripping pretty hard. At one point it looked like the intake manifold was laughing at me. I freaked out and bashed it with a socket wrench, and then ran back to my car and got the hell out of there. I'm not sure what happened after that. The next thing I remember is waking up naked in a church confessional booth two days later. When I got back to my house, the State Police were there and told me they found my car abandoned in a car wash about 50 miles away. Needless to say, it has been a crazy weekend for me. That is why I was unable to fix your car.

From **********@gmail.com to Me:

Uh...not sure what to take from all that. You deemed it a good idea to take drugs before working on my car because...why?

From Me to **********@gmail.com:

Honestly I forgot I had to work on your car. I remembered after I took the shrooms and acid. Once I get my car back from the police, I should be able to come over and finish working on your car. Oh by the way, sorry about the dump I took on your lawn. I was too embarrassed to go inside and ask to use the bathroom because it would have been obvious that I was tripping.

From **********@gmail.com to Me:

Unbelievable. I don't want you to do any more work on my car. I do want you to pay for the damage you did to my car. If you don't, I will take you to small claims court.

From Me to **********@gmail.com:

Whoa man, why are you being such a dick? Not cool. If anything, you should be paying me. I seriously fucked up my hand when I hit your intake manifold with the wrench. It feels like I fractured it. I don't have any health insurance, and seeing as I got injured under your employment, I think you are obligated to pay for my medical bills.

From **********@gmail.com to Me:

Not a chance in hell. I think all those drugs you took fried your brain - you're fucked in the head if you think any of this is acceptable. If you don't pay the damages, we are going to have a problem.

From Me to **********@gmail.com:

I have another eighth of shrooms I can give you...will that cover it?

From Me to **********@gmail.com:

I'll take that as a yes?
 

estesj

Well-Known Member
Check out these stealth weapons! Disguised Weapons
Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07 | 905 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:



Looks like a normal spoon, right?



Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:



At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.



Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.



This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
 

Attachments

edsthreads

Well-Known Member
Check out these stealth weapons! Disguised Weapons
Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07 | 905 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:



Looks like a normal spoon, right?



Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:



At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.



Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.



This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
That's funny shit bro.. is that by that Australian guy that did the famous 'Spider Picture' email?
 
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