My "girl" not gf may have cheated on me, Is this how i should play this one?

just for some bkg, Im 28, im kinda relationship challenged, always pretty much been a 1 hitter quitter.

so, ive been hanging with this girl for a month or 2 now, shes chill, shares the hobby etc.
I have trust issues especially when my significant other is drinking without me (conditioned response from ex-alchie gf)
We are not official, but we stayed in contact the duration of the 2 weeks she was gone.
i feel highly suspicious that she did indeed commit unadulted adultery. lol

My approach in a synopsis:
sorry for acting agitated, spare the history of my relationships, i need you to understand, i need you to help me, and understand that the only way you can help me is being completely honest no matter how much it might hurt me.

in addition:
option 1: ask her if she had "contact" with anyone while gone
-is this fair since we weren't, and aren't officially together?

option 2: ignore the last 2 weeks, let what happened happen (or at least try to rest my mind), build from here?
-am i a bitch if i do this?

why do you feel suspicious about this? (Aside from your experiences with another girl in the past)

Sounds to me like you are more emotionally invested than you admit to yourself you are. If you have true feelings for this person, ou owe it to yourself to make your feelings known. If she shares the same feelings, she may be annoyed at first reaction, but she should be honest with you.

I am kind of curious though...what does this have to do with Marijuana growing?

When you say make your feelings known, u just mean care about her right?

And to answer your question; I mentioned we share the hobby, I've never found a girl like that mane!

sso said:

why do you feel suspicious about this? (Aside from your experiences with another girl in the past)

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withholding certain tidbits that were obviously withheld, also she didnt once suggest that she might even want to try to come back early to spend newyears with me?? Seems weird to me, I definitely thought it would be nice to have her at midnight, but she should think that too, right?! she's also freshly broken up with her bf (She was in that town)

I had one scanndalous ex, no shame, still not sure if she has a soul. Once seeing someone so lacking of moral fiber has made me question a few (Not all) partners

.... why did I think this was going to be about a Fem plant that got pollinated?



.... Talking never hurts physically, if she is as chill as you say she is that just be straight up!! Just ask "What are we doing here, do we want to take this some where or just be on the sly"? After 2 weeks of dating my wife she brought that up, I had been with someone after our first date, but after we talked I decided to be exclusive (we have an agreement that we will not cheat, but it's not cheating if we're both there).

darkone said:

When you say make your feelings known, u just mean care about her right?

And to answer your question; I mentioned we share the hobby, I've never found a girl like that mane!

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Just joshing you about the question.

How can you feel that someone you are not emotionally invested in 'cheated' on you? I think perhaps you have unresolved relationship fears, and are metaphorically saying "Come closer, back away."

Dude tell her you want her and only her. Fear not. Love is a scary, awesome thing. Make sure she's on the same page before you make yourself vulnerable though. Giving yourself to someone like that is a gift you can only give...well...sometimes I wonder if I've run out of it, but nah - I think we can learn to love again always.

darkone said:

withholding certain tidbits that were obviously withheld, also she didnt once suggest that she might even want to try to come back early to spend newyears with me?? Seems weird to me, I definitely thought it would be nice to have her at midnight, but she should think that too, right?! she's also freshly broken up with her bf (She was in that town)

I had one scanndalous ex, no shame, still not sure if she has a soul. Once seeing someone so lacking of moral fiber has made me question a few (Not all) partners

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just because a girl is with you, does not mean she is the same emotionally invested.

you might be rebound sex (guys do that too)

also chicks have more options (since guys have less control over their sex drive)

maybe she is just looking for a hotter guy (guys do that too)

but

even if you have feelings for her, does not make her the one and only.

is she really someone you want to have around, All the time, till you die?

every day or about so of seeing her?

think about it

and if yes, then tell her how you feel (though, in my personal opinion, if she actually were The One, she would know it too (or should))

He could still try even if she isn't on the same page yet, people don't always have that instant mystical penguin-like connection. Why? Because of the cynicism, baggage, and the big walls we put up. As farmers, we should know the best things in life take time. Screw what page she's on, if you love her and want to go for it - do it and don't look back or have regret. Love is simple, just be, don't think about it so much.

Thehermaphroditemaker said:

He could still try even if she isn't on the same page yet, people don't always have that instant mystical penguin-like connection. Why? Because of the cynicism, baggage, and the big walls we put up. As farmers, we should know the best things in life take time. Screw what page she's on, if you love her and want to go for it - do it and don't look back or have regret. Love is simple, just be, don't think about it so much.

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yeah, that came to mind too (dont have any walls really lol)

we dont always listen deep down in ourselves or even how to do that.

she Might be the one (Even if she´s screwing around (maybe she´s just confused and doesnt know what she wants or needs (it happens, not unusual actually))

that why i asked him to give it a good thought and feel it out.

rest of your days with that chick dude, how does that sound? (and really feel it out and imagine you with kids and going on vacations, going to family gatherings together and shit))

Im not tryin to get married! Im starting to think everyone here is a peace loving hippie. Lol jk, thanks for the talk tho all. Much appreciate your time

darkone said:

Im not tryin to get married! Im starting to think everyone here is a peace loving hippie. Lol jk, thanks for the talk tho all. Much appreciate your time

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lol, well, if it aint so serious, even to you, why so serious about it? (the original post, not this answer.)

bkbbudz said:

Just joshing you about the question.

How can you feel that someone you are not emotionally invested in 'cheated' on you? I think perhaps you have unresolved relationship fears, and are metaphorically saying "Come closer, back away."

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Truth, now how do I deal, sshrink. U sound to haveyou a psychologygirl bkg

darkone said:

Im not tryin to get married! Im starting to think everyone here is a peace loving hippie. Lol jk, thanks for the talk tho all. Much appreciate your time

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Can't speak for everyone but bkbbudz is a card carryin', long-haired, peace lovin hippie!

There's only 2 ways to look at it:

1) talk to this girl asap (in person) and tell her exactly wasup and how you feel and whatnot..
if you don't, she will still want to fuck with you, but won't take you serious later if you say you want a official relationship

that leaves YOU in the "friend zone", cuddy buddy, friends with bennys that SHE can take advantage of anytime..
think about that.. don't make her a priority if she makes you one of HER options.. when she has other niggas on stand by

or

2) cut this bitch off completely, and let her come to you.. it's hard but focus on something else (your plants haha)
if she really wants something official she'll let YOU know wasup.. if she doesn't let her do her and find a good girl

kinda like that "if you love something that much, let it go.. it it loves you it will come back"
some some some with a bufferfly and some bullshit but you get the jist of it..

and if she is fuckin around hell yeah you got all the right to ask..
you don't want to be fucking after she messin with a grimy ass, no condom, bust a nut inside me type niggas
that just lets you know what kinda female she really is.. real talk

it doesn't make you a bitch, you need to know if she's as grimy as you think she is
fuck how good you think she's looks.. a bitch isn't worth getting a disease from

sorry to get all dr. phil but I'm just trynna help another brother out..
good luck

sso said:

lol, well, if it aint so serious, even to you, why so serious about it? (the original post, not this answer.)

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Pretty sure its my underdeveloped, commitment-a-phobe, posessive, views toward relationships! Im damaged, ill admit it. IF only. There were an easy way to meet femme gardeners from my area more easily

darkone said:

Truth, now how do I deal, sshrink. U sound to haveyou a psychologygirl bkg

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I am not a psychologist, just been there done that, got the T-shirt, and the idiotic pictures too boot. Time was what cured me...time and a failed marriage. If Jesus were to come to my door with Taylor Swift and demanded I marry her. I would have to piss him off! Ain't no more rings going on this finger. So you see I have relationship issues myself. And since the sick should not heal the sick, I really cannot advise on how too fix it, without being a total hypocrite. best of luck to you though!

The way I see it, if she likes you as much as you like her, you shouldnt have to worry about what shes doing when youre not around. even when drinks are involved. Buut, she may think you dont like her and she might still be looking for someone because she doesnt know if youre serious about her or not. I think its time you tell her how you feel. Like someone else said, you could potentially be just a rebound and she really doesnt care that much. Theres really only one way to find out and thats to tell her how you feel and see what she says. take what im saying with a grain of salt though, Im no love guru. Good luck

darkone said:

Truth, now how do I deal, sshrink. U sound to haveyou a psychologygirl bkg

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maybe deep down you want true love and therefore you are backing away instinctively from girls you know (deep down) they aint the one.