Marijuana, and Schizophrenia

I have savantism, schizophrenia, and I'm dissociated
I have a high degree of empathy, this mixed with schizophrenia causes some pretty interesting delusions; mixed with dissociation, these interesting circumstances aren't delusional but linked together in a way that otherwise wouldn't of made sense without dissocative aspect.

I don't mean to insult anybody here but I have been following the eightfold path since birth;
Maybe I am merely a schizotypical personality since birth.
Maybe this energy I feel every once in awhile isn't schizophrenia-related but some kind of deeper understanding.

I have three consciousness' due to dissociative identity disorder. Matt, Tim, and John.

My original identity is named Matthew, and he's I think about 7 or 5 years old.
He is the one of suffering.

There's a doorkeeper to Matthew and that's Matt. He's an embodiment of Matthew's abuser, who was named Matt.

Tim is the first alter of Matt, who is the protector to Matthew. He is the one of Truth, his name means T=Im; Im=T; T=Truth.

John is an alter to Tim and Matt. He is an influencer, very compassionate and very guiding. John emerged on June 21, but I didn't realize that until June 22; That makes him John 21:22.
John is the one of Knowing.

Sometimes Matt, Tim, and John dissapear. During this time I am highly suggestible; there are no thoughts within my mind; and I am not aware of my own body. During this time I utilize savant memory, mixed with a high degree of empathic knowing. I am able to sense the other person's thoughts based on the emotions they link to what they say and how they say it.

Why is this happening to me.
I went to an expert with 30+ years of experience and he said I didn't seem schizophrenic, but he couldn't explain why I was so empathic.

I think the schizophrenia is personified in the way Tim presents and relates to this world.
I was always on the autistic spectrum and had the worst trouble socializing with people, or overcoming my anxiety

.....
I can't control it...
but sometimes when I get into the highly suggestible alter, he says things to people that are exact and straight-into-the-heart

For instance
My father was really stressed out over his marriage and all he wanted to do was watch his Soccer game.
The mouse to his computer had been borrowed because another computer's mouse had died.
When he got home he saw this and exploded in dramatic rage.
He started to yell at us, yelling that everything is always changed when he comes back; that I am always changing things without his permission;
that I am always intruding in on his life and never fixing what I intrude on!!
I went downstairs and got the shitty mouse to give to him, but conveniently that mouse wouldn't work in his computer. He had a few comments about how this always happens,
that I always destroy everything that he gives us.
I went back downstairs and got the better mouse, when I returned an alter switched in..

This alter was the one that is highly suggestible.

The way I presented myself shifted suddenly like a continental drift. It was powerful in the way that it was so sudden.
Everything visible within my peripheral vision dissapeared into a bright contrast to what I was able to see.
My eyes were as wide as they could go, except it didn't feel like they were open at all. My pupils were pin-points, normally
they are unusually large. All of my attention was focused on this type of energy I could feel when I stared at my father.

It was energy I didn't like. It was negative. It made my heart beat the fastest I've ever felt it go. Each beat emphasized
the negativity I was connected to.

My father didn't seem to notice how I was acting and he continued to yell.
My arm moved out with my fingers open and palm about to touch my Father's arm..
It connected and that energy I felt was evermore present. It was causing me to twitch as if I had just touched an electrical source.
then I said something that I didn't even think about, that I didn't even feel as it came out.. it was just that energy I felt.

"The only time you ever think about anybody else, is when you have time to think about everybody else."

I've never seen my father look at me like that. He was completely taken back, as if I had said something to him which was completely true but what he wasn't ready for.

I don't like this...
Why is it happening to me...

This is something I texted to somebody as I was the highly suggestible alter for the first time:

"Just speaking is feeling like an inhibition like something I can overcome but can't find the words to as if they are restrained from rolling down my spinals"
"I've been without marijuana for a week now and even with it I feel extremely autistic"
"This is the process of an unsocial person becoming social, an autistic person becoming non-autistic, a dissociated associating or becoming"

"Every glance every stare every word they said, it was all there the hidden encoded messages that are subtly sent like the pheramones of an angry hornet bee"
"I could sense their thoughts and my heart was ging the fastest ive ever felt it go and every beat made me twitch nervously to all their thoights anx memories"

"If this is the way the river flows than this is the way I will go"

HippieMan said:

This is something I texted to somebody as I was the highly suggestible alter for the first time:

"Just speaking is feeling like an inhibition like something I can overcome but can't find the words to as if they are restrained from rolling down my spinals"
"I've been without marijuana for a week now and even with it I feel extremely autistic"
"This is the process of an unsocial person becoming social, an autistic person becoming non-autistic, a dissociated associating or becoming"

"Every glance every stare every word they said, it was all there the hidden encoded messages that are subtly sent like the pheramones of an angry hornet bee"
"I could sense their thoughts and my heart was ging the fastest ive ever felt it go and every beat made me twitch nervously to all their thoights anx memories"

"If this is the way the river flows than this is the way I will go"

Click to expand...

lol umm okay

I've made a huge diagram on the wall that breaks down the universe and everybody in it and how they relate to it
It describes and connects everybody at once

i think u want attention

It describes aspects of awareness, imagination, sensations, and emotions.

The thing is, I don't want attention, but I do want to be able to understand what's going on.
You're a silly man...

The goal of this information exchange is not friendship, or attention, but insight... Insight into why people do the things they do, if even they are unaware of it?

HippieMan said:

The thing is, I don't want attention, but I do want to be able to understand what's going on.
You're a silly man...

The goal of this information exchange is not friendship, or attention, but insight... Insight into why people do the things they do, if even they are unaware of it?

Click to expand...

what insight can i get from this elaborate play youve created in your own head

Oh.. much insight.... I'm not in that one now I'm sorry... I cannot tell you... but...
insight into.. well... uhh.. understanding yourself and through that understanding others
so like uhh it gives you complete control over yourself and makes you into a woman in terms of of sensitivity! but without the actual being a woman or it doesnt make you gay either errr uhh damn

Oh.. it makes you highly sensitive of the individual items in a situtation that controls the outcome of the circumstance, it allows you to pick up every word and attatch a mental meaning, maybe even a mental image, to that word and be able to recall it instantly

POHH
it gives you savant recall

HippieMan said:

Oh.. much insight.... I'm not in that one now I'm sorry... I cannot tell you... but...
insight into.. well... uhh.. understanding yourself and through that understanding others
so like uhh it gives you complete control over yourself and makes you into a woman in terms of of sensitivity! but without the actual being a woman or it doesnt make you gay either errr uhh damn

Click to expand...

i am very much in tune with my feminized self i realize i am part man and woman. i am a very sensitive peson as well. but in the end thats all it is. your making to much of your life, its really a simple issue , you were born, now your alive so live your life and be grateful. there are no answers.

Ah.. I
I'm sorry I don't really know what I was just talking about...
oh yes that diagram wasn't it?
Ya it was
Oh... welll.. I don't care about talking about that anymore
I'm sorry..
Ahh.....
Cya.

Oh yu touch on what began my motives not to find answers but to find truth
you're alive now be grateful
that is implying that its somehow a rare pheneamonona for you to be alive, now be grateful of that rare occurence
when in reality that's attatching opinion to something that happens all-naturally

I don't want to insult anybody here!!!
Do not take offense, please!!

Perhaps your therapist doesn't see that you are skitzo, but that doesn't mean you don't need intense therapy. That's just my opinion, but you seem quite intelligent. Usually people develop different personalities as a result of a traumatic event. Try watching Sybal ( I spelled that wrong) and A Beautiful Mind.

im not implying that, im simply saying that you are alive ,you live in a rich country, everyone has problems. do your best not to over think your life are yourself

You already know why you're like this, deep down.Face it.Accept what happened.Only you can help yourself.
And if you REALLY want psychological advice...Please realize there aren't many licensed therapists posting on a stoner board.Your posts were interesting, though.

Stoney McFried said:

You already know why you're like this, deep down.Face it.Accept what happened.Only you can help yourself.
And if you REALLY want psychological advice...Please realize there aren't many licensed therapists posting on a stoner board.Your posts were interesting, though.

Click to expand...

Oh... part of my diagram is acceptance of what occured in the past.. its the principle that allows the next step to occur.

Oh I could make all the sense to you if I shared my Diagram but I'm not sure if I want that strown across the web just yet

Oh...
So much happened when we young..
We accept it though, and some of us are there for when we can't accept it.

(A)(P)(M)(A)(I)(A)
(I)(I)(P)(I)(I)
(A)(S)(G)(S)(S)
(S)(T)(T)

((Matthew)Matt+Tim)John

(Choice/time)People=Life=(Generations/Choice)Time ) Reality
Tim's equation, I can't remember it exactly but I'm sure the beginning is wrong.