Lets Hear Some JOKES!

if chicks with big tits work at hooters.. where do chicks wit one leg work??












IHOP !

skate4theherb said:

ok ok one more

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."

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LOL!!!! thats pretty funny

If wheres waldo, and carmen sandiego fucked, would their kid be invisible?

redneck gets married him and his new wife are just about to have sex for the fist time and the women says to the man this is my first time.THe man gets scared and runs to his dads house say dad what do i do she is a virgin .dad saysgood thing you left if she aint good enough for her family she aint good enough for ours

A man and child are holding hands and walking into the woods together when the child says to the man..i am kinda scared to go in there. The man turns to the child and says..your scared! I have to walk out of here alone. Hahaha

what did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob.......we better get some support befor people think were nuts

not really jokes but funny just the same


here i sit in steam and vapour
someone stole the fuckin paper
no need to worry
no need to lingure
watch out asshole here comes my finger

here i sit all broken harted
paid a dime and only farted
yesterday i took a chance
saved a dime and shit my pants

sypholis crabs blueballs and lice
ive hadem all by jesus christ

man walks into bar sits down orders a drink
bartender gives him a drink
man drinks it takes off his hat looks inside puts it back on his head and orders another drink
bartender gives him a drink
and again the man drinks it and takes off his hat and looks inside puts it back on and orders another drink
this goes on for a couple hours and the bartender has to ask
why do you look at your hat after every drink
the man replies i have a picture of my wife in there when she looks good i go home

What did the quadriplegic blind boy get for Christmas?


cancer.





Why did the little girl fall off the swing?




because she had no arms.

ahahahaha no arms. pwnt

thchero said:

redneck gets married him and his new wife are just about to have sex for the fist time and the women says to the man this is my first time.THe man gets scared and runs to his dads house say dad what do i do she is a virgin .dad saysgood thing you left if she aint good enough for her family she aint good enough for ours

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thats some funny shit ahahaha

An 8 year old boy is sitting on the front steps. His mom looks out and notices he would eat an M&M, lick the cat and then move down a step. He would continue this over and over. The mom comes out and ask him what he is doing there eating M&M's, then licking the cat and then moving down a step. He said mom I'm playing truck driver. She said truck driver? He said yea, I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving on.

plus rep for that truck driver joke bro

my buddy came back from his one night stand and said "damn that girl was dirty" i was intrigued to say the least ....
until he said he showed her really dirty sex.......
used her toilet,left a big turd in the bowl,called her in, bent her over the bowl with her head in it n said "how you like dirty sex now beeaatch !!

Here's a great pick up line next time your in the bar and see a fine lady you want to bring home this works everytime!

"why dont you come over to myspace so you can twitter my yahoo and i can google all over your facebook!!!

A man is in Las Vegas and goes to the restroom to pee. As he is standing at the urinal a leprechan walks in and uses the kiddie urinal beside him. The man can't help but notice that the leprechan has a HUGE member! He asks the leprechan: "how do have a dick that huge? I can't help but notice!" The leprechan says "It's me leprechan magic sonny, we all have members like this." The man asks, "There must be some way to give me some leprechan magic?" The leprechan says hes sorry but you have to be born a leprechan. But then he pauses and says "there is ONE other way, but you wouldn't be interested." The man says he'd give anything to have a dick that big. The leprechan says "well laddy, for me to give you some of my leprechan dick magic, I have to fuck you with it." The man realizes he will never have another chance like this and bends over. As he winces in pain he says "I can't believe I'm going through this, but it will be worth it!" The leprechan finishes and says "I can't believe you thought I was a real leprechan!"

a little boy walks in to his parents room and sees them fucking ,the dad goes to talk to the boy but he's not in his room, looking through the house he finds the boy in his grad ma's room just plowing that ass ,the boy looks up to dad and says its not too funny when its your mom
__________________

mr and mrs martian are on vacation and they see earth from their spaceship, mrs martian says "oh honey, lets go there". so mr martian hangs a left and heads toward earth.
meanwhile, mr and mrs smith are out on the back porch enjoying the warm night and as they look at the stars they see a ufo. and holy shit its landing in our back yard exclaims mrs smith!
mr and mrs martian come out of their ship and introduce themselves and mr and mrs smith invite them to have some cocktails. after a few drinks and blunts they all loosin up and mrs martian says "you know, we'll never see each other again so wouldnt it be fun to swap partners for the night?
so they do.
mr martian and mrs smith go into the bedroom and mr martian takes off his space suit,well mrs smith shows disappointment so mr martian twists his ear and his meat gets huge. mrs martian smiles and they get after it for the rest of the night.

when morning comes mr and mrs martian have left and mr and mrs smith are drinkin their morning coffee and finally mrs smith says. well honey? howd you like that martian pussy?
he says , oh it was ok but fuck! my ears are killin me!

EDIT: FIRST POSTED JOKE OF THE NEW YEAR!

Here's a few more Helen Keller jokes for those of us that are going to hell for sure.


Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
Because she has to moan with the other one!

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman!


And one more random joke.

A vampire walks into a bar, and sits down on one of the stools. Bartender asks him, "what can I get ya, friend?" Vampire says, "I'd like a glass of hot water, please." Bartender gives him a weird look, and says, "I thought you guys only drank blood! Well, I don't have blood, but you can have a Vodka Cranberry." So the vampire finishes the drink, and again asks for a glass of hot water. Bartender says, "I just can't believe you want water...Here, have a Bloody Mary." The vampire looks annoyed, but takes the drink without arguing. He finishes, and once more, asks the bartender for a glass of hot water. Bartender says, "Alright, what gives? You've asked three times now, and I just can't figure out why any vampire would want a glass of water." The vampire reaches into his pocket, pulls out a bloody tampon, and says, "The water was so I could make tea."

(u ask)two birds sitting on a fence, one named pete, the other named repeat, peat flies away, who is left

(they answer)repeat.

(u ask again)two birds sitting on a fence, one named pete, the other named repeat, pete flies away, who is left

(they answer again)repeat

(you ask)two birds sitting on a fence, one named pete, the other named repeat, pete flies away, who is left

ok this can go on forever or until they finally get it.

3 niggers and a taliban get on a plane, who gets off first?? michelle and the kids(no offence, i am not racist)