Kids say the darndest things...

A while back me and my wife and daughter were at the doctor. We're sitting in the room waiting for the doc. Me and my wife start talking about what we're getting my son for his B day. Well my daughters starts getting jealous, and we're trying to teach her it's not good. I start teasing her saying "you got jelly in your belly". She gets mad and looks at me and says" you have jelly in your butt". We were rollling after that . The nurse even came in asked if we're having a good time.
 
This was back when we went on vacation. The kids took their tablets. One of them gets stepped on and the screen gets extremely cracked.

Not only did the kids not tell me they tried to get one over on me.

I mention it going down the road and without missing a beat my middle one says "its not cracked. Its that app that makes it looked cracked." He then proceeds to show me one of the other tablets with the cracked screen app running.

What could I do. Lying makes me mad. On the other hand it was such a good try I had to laugh.
 
My daughter has been misbehaving lately. Yelling at her mom kicking and punching her brothers. "So I told my wife she needs a spanking." My wife says fine I will do it. My wife tells her to clean up and my daughter yells I AM. My wife goes come here I'm going to spank you. My daughter runs away and tells her your not suppose to hit girls. We start laughing .
 
tyler.durden said:
Sometimes I would lay down my boy to change his diaper only to discover the shit blew out the back of his diaper up to his shoulder blades. How the fuck he managed that is beyond me. I don't really understand the physics involved in such a display of force.@unclebaldrick and @sunni , please come share some anecdotes...
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Literally yesterday. Could tell daughter was pooping, pulled top of diaper away to see if she got it out, poop on finger. 1/4 inch from coming out top. Get her and put 2 paper towels down as I know it's squishing out when I lay her down (#experience) Get diaper off and cleaning up, big grunt, poops again, catch most with baby wipe. Coughs twice, poop on arm up to my elbow.
This morning walking into school after hitting deer. Daughter tells wife "We've had quite a morning"! Cheesy I know, but where do they learn this stuff.
Runs to class in middle of announcements and yells "We had a deer crash!"
Must be doing something right, as her main worry this morning was I need to take him home and hang him up so we can eat it.
 
lol i rememeer when my niece was at that age where there talking but learning new words n lik reapering them shed randomly start saying fuk it lol was aslways in public to
 
My grandsons 3rd birthday party was in our restaurant.

I could see the by look on his face his mind was working on something
when all of a sudden he whipped out one of these with a look of pride.
collegehumor_c46ff5a75005fa956fba8d0c24e0adc6.jpg


LOL, little fucker. :finger:

That's the only time I ever saw him do that, but now at 19
his attitude has not changed much. I guess it has something to do with the red hair.:fire:
 
Uhhhhhhhh. Just had one of those super embarrassing kid moments. So embarrassing. We're checking out of the grocery store and our clerk is not the most attractive woman. She is quite ambiguous looking actually. I thought she was a man til I saw her name tag said Jocelyn. Doesn't matter until the
little one says "excuse me daddy, why does that man have nail polish, he's a man." I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to say and acted like I didn't hear her and hurried out. Uhhhhhhhh..
 
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