Its a natural bodily function so which one have you done ????

0calli

0calli

Well-Known Member
TODAY IM POSTING A TOPIC I HAVE DISCUSSED IN THE PAST AND FELT THE NEED TO BRING IT HERE

i dare you guys to get a fat joint or a big ol bowl of your dankist stuff you got to smoke and hit it up bongsmilie go to the top and read down without (no pun intended :mrgreen:) shitting yourself whilst reading this list to some one or yourself lol...................

ohh and i dont know about you guys but i personally have experienced all 30 and some lol how about you ? ;-)



Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

NEWLY ADDED
The Kernel aka Corn Clock :
recognizable bits allow you to be sure which meal just got passed on.

The Pancake House Poo:
This one follows a pig-out on starchy gluten-rich food with no fiber. it's like shitting tar, and the roll is noticably smaller when you're done. The amount of time and paper a PHP consumes can require intermediate flushes.

The Power Dump:
Pressurized gassy diarrhea that comes out all at once with a mighty wet barking sound. Splashes everywhere, including the bottom of the seat. Epic Power Dump will actually fling a bit or two onto your feet or the nearby floor/wall.

Poop Soup:
diarrhea sorunny there are no discernible buts, just this light-colored broth.

The Einstein ( a variant on the Elvis):
Blue (in the face) coming atcha. Red (on the paper) going away.
cn
 
tet1953

tet1953

Well-Known Member
It is with great trepidation that I open a thread with "natural bodily function" in the title. I should have trusted my instincts.
 
Jack Harer

Jack Harer

Well-Known Member
I usually get the ones where after 20 minutes I was sure I had shit a giant Sequoia, and look back only to find a rabbit pellet!!!
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
The Kernel aka Corn Clock :
recognizable bits allow you to be sure which meal just got passed on.

The Pancake House Poo:
This one follows a pig-out on starchy gluten-rich food with no fiber. it's like shitting tar, and the roll is noticably smaller when you're done. The amount of time and paper a PHP consumes can require intermediate flushes.

The Power Dump:
Pressurized gassy diarrhea that comes out all at once with a mighty wet barking sound. Splashes everywhere, including the bottom of the seat. Epic Power Dump will actually fling a bit or two onto your feet or the nearby floor/wall.

Poop Soup:
diarrhea sorunny there are no discernible buts, just this light-colored broth.

The Einstein ( a variant on the Elvis):
Blue (in the face) coming atcha. Red (on the paper) going away.
cn
 
X

xKuroiTaimax

Well-Known Member
*trying not to cackle like a crazy woman reading this on a crowded bus*

X3

Hey guys, I dare you to chug 5 tablespoons of Epsom salts down with water and see what happens...
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
xKuroiTaimax said:
*trying not to cackle like a crazy woman reading this on a crowded bus*

X3

Hey guys, I dare you to chug 5 tablespoons of Epsom salts down with water and see what happens...
Click to expand...
I was looking for a vid or at least a pic of the scene in "The Right Stuff" where the astronauts were subjected to public enema torture. Imagining running (uhm) around with that gut bomb ticking away inside me ... excuse me, back in a minute

cn
 
Total Head

Total Head

Well-Known Member
type 4 is the "ideal shit". healthy turds should be the texture of toothpaste. pencil thin stool indicates and obstruction and a dr visit should be scheduled asap. if you have raw-hole from shitting all day neosporin works wonders. and it is my opinion that if you have to pop a vein to crap then you don't really have to crap.

speaking of assholes, it is a little known fact that most people who live beyond 100 years are found to have pristine colons upon autopsy, suggesting that colon health is tightly linked with a long life.
 
Hepheastus420

Hepheastus420

Well-Known Member
Lol, you should have called it the shitty thread, haha. This thread is cracking me up, I feel like a 9 year old again....Poop.
 
The Cryptkeeper

The Cryptkeeper

Well-Known Member
Total Head said:
type 4 is the "ideal shit". healthy turds should be the texture of toothpaste. pencil thin stool indicates and obstruction and a dr visit should be scheduled asap. if you have raw-hole from shitting all day neosporin works wonders. and it is my opinion that if you have to pop a vein to crap then you don't really have to crap.

speaking of assholes, it is a little known fact that most people who live beyond 100 years are found to have pristine colons upon autopsy, suggesting that colon health is tightly linked with a long life.
Click to expand...


Look at that shit. ^^^^^

My colon is as pristine as they get huh?
 
Hepheastus420

Hepheastus420

Well-Known Member
Total Head said:
type 4 is the "ideal shit". healthy turds should be the texture of toothpaste. pencil thin stool indicates and obstruction and a dr visit should be scheduled asap. if you have raw-hole from shitting all day neosporin works wonders. and it is my opinion that if you have to pop a vein to crap then you don't really have to crap.

speaking of assholes, it is a little known fact that most people who live beyond 100 years are found to have pristine colons upon autopsy, suggesting that colon health is tightly linked with a long life.
Click to expand...
really, I usually have type 3. Type 4 would come in second place for me. Wait am I supposed to be smoking my joint on the toilet?
 
zvuv

zvuv

Active Member
Done 'em all. :)

In the middle east, where squat toilets are common, there is often no paper. Instead there is a faucet next to the crapper. When I first arrived there and wasn't used to the local flora I spent many hours in such 'amenities' and I found that washing with water is not only much much cleaner but also much kinder to one's asshole than paper. If you have diarhea, I recommend you try it. I've never used paper since that time. Always wash. It's much more sanitary.
 
The Cryptkeeper

The Cryptkeeper

Well-Known Member
zvuv said:
Done 'em all. :)

In the middle east, where squat toilets are common, there is often no paper. Instead there is a faucet next to the crapper. When I first arrived there and wasn't used to the local flora I spent many hours in such 'amenities' and I found that washing with water is not only much much cleaner but also much kinder to one's asshole than paper. If you have diarhea, I recommend you try it. I've never used paper since that time. Always wash. It's much more sanitary.
Click to expand...
:shock: :shock: :shock:
 
april

april

Pickle Queen
zvuv said:
Done 'em all. :)

In the middle east, where squat toilets are common, there is often no paper. Instead there is a faucet next to the crapper. When I first arrived there and wasn't used to the local flora I spent many hours in such 'amenities' and I found that washing with water is not only much much cleaner but also much kinder to one's asshole than paper. If you have diarhea, I recommend you try it. I've never used paper since that time. Always wash. It's much more sanitary.
Click to expand...
umm is there a communale sponge or cloth? or is the splash/sprinkle drip dry method used? what about hand washing???
 
zvuv

zvuv

Active Member
The Cryptkeeper said:
:shock: :shock: :shock:
Click to expand...
Shocked eh? Well the world is a big place and there are all sorts of different ways of doing the same thing :)

Here's a little ditty to soothe your distress:

In days of old when knights were bold and paper weren't invented,

They wiped their ass with tufts of grass and went about contented!

 
0calli

0calli

Well-Known Member
I HEARD ITS WIPED WITH THEIR LEFT HAND AND THEN WASHED OFF IT MAKES SENSE CAUSE THEY ONLY SHAKE RIGHT HANDS AND CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING A BIG'OL NASTY ONE AND TRYING TO CLEAN IT OFF WITH SPLASHES OF WATER :shock: YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF LETTING IT DRY AND CRUMBLE OFF
 
ganjames

ganjames

Well-Known Member
I've had all of those shits except the first ones...

Not too sure what the fuck those things are supposed to be but I don't leave "droppings", I'm a man.
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
The first kind rock!
My ex and I called them Kibbles&Bits.
When i was a kid I thought of them as Xylophone Poo for the musical plippity sounds. cn

<edit> zvuv, I'm surprised you didn't add the kind that leaves spots on people's windows to the list ... :mrgreen:
 
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