Funny stoner stories.

K

kronicsmurf

Well-Known Member
Ok being a stoner, and i am, i was wondering what your funniest stoner story is.Okay to start this off heres one that comes to mind. around the time that movie Forrest Gump came out. some friends and i were taking a sight seeing trip down the Natchez Trace. well stopped at a chevron/ convenient store to gas up the van. my best friend and i were stoned and we went in to pay for the gas and grab some snacks. well we were behind this lady and she had this deep voice. and of course being stoned every thing is funny. the clerk asked her could he help her. and she spoke up in a perfect Forrest Gump voice (I GOT GAS) i bent over laughing so hard and my friends was hysterical as well and the poor woman just looked at us like we had grown 2 heads. and the poor clerk was looking like he wanted to piss himself. it probably doesn't sound funny to you all or maybe its one of those you had to be there moments. but i'm cracking up just remembering that.
 
M

MRzerotolerance

Member
bout the funniest thing that has ahpend to me was well here goes... we get a call about 8 ocloc to meet up with sum people so we grab sum paint n go 1 of my mates is in only a singlet n shorts his school shorts might i ad. then we get to this place finaly use all our paint sumone sugests we go tot he shops to tax sum scisors so we can get a mix goin by this time we met with a masive group of people. when we get back minus the scicors the others had got sum and were chopin away all choped up with sum tobaco cos thats how we do it we need to find a suitable place we find a log n sit im about the 4 person in line im noob btw i pack my self a cone knowin im not gonna get another and if i did want one i probs be to smashd anyways i thub pack it n makeit about 5 times more than usual not to mention a biger cone peice to start with my mate looks at me like ur not gonna smoke that n the other guy goes geez u must smoke outdoors alot cos i had it down my jumper by this stage. anyways i manage to smoke it all gone not a bit left in there i stand there for a while woried that if i exhale il coff my mate goes exhale u idiot finaly i do n boyy do i coff like as i exahle i coff sukin it back in i look around feelin like im gonna puke but manage to sit down on the log again still coff coff coff away after about 10 minuts probably more we decide to leave i was feelin ok and quite relived i wasnt stoned because we had to walk home howver we reach an ovel and we decide to cut across so imedielty i try jump the fence to my suprise i cant so i roll over it and keep walkin then the ground became muddy it felt like i was walkin throo knee deep mud i bent down and felt the ground it was hard as rock it hadnt raind allday i was releived but walkin was hard felt as if walkin throo mud we reahced a large group of people on teh other side of the ovel and we talk for ages sudenly evry1 looks like charecters from video games im like wtf i wasnt halucinating just thinkin wow he looks like assasins creed guy or sumfin then we start walkin again jsut three of us and mate in shorts and singlet its nearly winter and fukin cold i was in jumper and i was freezing as we walk home throo the usual stoner trash we talk sum1 comes to a conclussin that we shud all be superheroes ina crew of super heros as we walk it starts to rain and it felt like cold ice running down my neck makin my spine tingle n makin me real scared as we walked past a group of people i nears shat my self when sum1 pointed i started to run then another group of people up ahead scared me so i stoped as the rain got heavier i slowd and joind my mates again sum1 sugested i go into a house and see wat i can find i very kindly refused so by now the rain is puring im like cold as fuk and im soaked can hardly walk still my mate in singlet n shorts walks on as we reach my mates road a truck goes past n splashes my other mate it was hell funy he was soakd like he jsut had a shower we started running and when we got back we went to finish the paint we had int he caravan walkin slowly down a wall i spray n then when im done i pull out a lights for no reason i set sumthin on fire and watch then my mate yells and he goes wat the fuck are you doin quick run so i do when i look back a bush was on fire i trip over and we get back tot eh carvan and wait we see red over the brick wall but it was ok not that bad but then the smoke started purin intot he van and my mates dad can smell it he goes is there a fire n my mate goes yeh i jim (nto real name) jsut lit it i go yeh n his dad laughs we wait and then he goes ot check it i thought by then that the sirens wer fire trucks n that the cops were comin for me then my mate returns after i shit my self thinkin he was arested n ses its out it was atiny fire anyways im laughin my head oof an go look at it my self very entertaingin then sum1 sugest i tick a g so i doo as u do and the whole procces starts again till i final crash asleeep to tired from playin video games... well not very funny cept the fact i was like shit scared the whole time shuda been there kinda thing but who cares u know. mind my spelling n puntuation im kinda shit at school as u might of gesd:leaf:
 
PussymOneyWeed

PussymOneyWeed

Well-Known Member
MRzerotolerance said:
bout the funniest thing that has ahpend to me was well here goes... we get a call about 8 ocloc to meet up with sum people so we grab sum paint n go 1 of my mates is in only a singlet n shorts his school shorts might i ad. then we get to this place finaly use all our paint sumone sugests we go tot he shops to tax sum scisors so we can get a mix goin by this time we met with a masive group of people. when we get back minus the scicors the others had got sum and were chopin away all choped up with sum tobaco cos thats how we do it we need to find a suitable place we find a log n sit im about the 4 person in line im noob btw i pack my self a cone knowin im not gonna get another and if i did want one i probs be to smashd anyways i thub pack it n makeit about 5 times more than usual not to mention a biger cone peice to start with my mate looks at me like ur not gonna smoke that n the other guy goes geez u must smoke outdoors alot cos i had it down my jumper by this stage. anyways i manage to smoke it all gone not a bit left in there i stand there for a while woried that if i exhale il coff my mate goes exhale u idiot finaly i do n boyy do i coff like as i exahle i coff sukin it back in i look around feelin like im gonna puke but manage to sit down on the log again still coff coff coff away after about 10 minuts probably more we decide to leave i was feelin ok and quite relived i wasnt stoned because we had to walk home howver we reach an ovel and we decide to cut across so imedielty i try jump the fence to my suprise i cant so i roll over it and keep walkin then the ground became muddy it felt like i was walkin throo knee deep mud i bent down and felt the ground it was hard as rock it hadnt raind allday i was releived but walkin was hard felt as if walkin throo mud we reahced a large group of people on teh other side of the ovel and we talk for ages sudenly evry1 looks like charecters from video games im like wtf i wasnt halucinating just thinkin wow he looks like assasins creed guy or sumfin then we start walkin again jsut three of us and mate in shorts and singlet its nearly winter and fukin cold i was in jumper and i was freezing as we walk home throo the usual stoner trash we talk sum1 comes to a conclussin that we shud all be superheroes ina crew of super heros as we walk it starts to rain and it felt like cold ice running down my neck makin my spine tingle n makin me real scared as we walked past a group of people i nears shat my self when sum1 pointed i started to run then another group of people up ahead scared me so i stoped as the rain got heavier i slowd and joind my mates again sum1 sugested i go into a house and see wat i can find i very kindly refused so by now the rain is puring im like cold as fuk and im soaked can hardly walk still my mate in singlet n shorts walks on as we reach my mates road a truck goes past n splashes my other mate it was hell funy he was soakd like he jsut had a shower we started running and when we got back we went to finish the paint we had int he caravan walkin slowly down a wall i spray n then when im done i pull out a lights for no reason i set sumthin on fire and watch then my mate yells and he goes wat the fuck are you doin quick run so i do when i look back a bush was on fire i trip over and we get back tot eh carvan and wait we see red over the brick wall but it was ok not that bad but then the smoke started purin intot he van and my mates dad can smell it he goes is there a fire n my mate goes yeh i jim (nto real name) jsut lit it i go yeh n his dad laughs we wait and then he goes ot check it i thought by then that the sirens wer fire trucks n that the cops were comin for me then my mate returns after i shit my self thinkin he was arested n ses its out it was atiny fire anyways im laughin my head oof an go look at it my self very entertaingin then sum1 sugest i tick a g so i doo as u do and the whole procces starts again till i final crash asleeep to tired from playin video games... well not very funny cept the fact i was like shit scared the whole time shuda been there kinda thing but who cares u know. mind my spelling n puntuation im kinda shit at school as u might of gesd:leaf:
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I made it through about 2 sentences before i gave up. Your grammar is terrible. For the love of the internet, please learn to form and word a proper sentence.
 
akgrown

akgrown

Well-Known Member
PussymOneyWeed said:
I made it through about 2 sentences before i gave up. Your grammar is terrible. For the love of the internet, please learn to form and word a proper sentence.
Click to expand...
agreed

My friends and I were stoned at his house once. we went across the street to the horse grounds, where they had a rodeo earlier. There was an Ice Cream Vendors Trailer there but everyone was gone. For fun i tried to open the door to get some snacks and low and behold, the door opened. Got inside and there was candy and sobe and redbull and a bunch of other shit, not to mention ice cream. We robbed that shit. Picture in you head 4 HS kids walking across a street with arm fulls of candy and cases of drinks not to mention on of those 10lb tubs of ice cream. Looking back I feel bad about what I did but, that shit was funny as hell.
 
jimbizzzale67123

jimbizzzale67123

Well-Known Member
MRzerotolerance said:
bout the funniest thing that has ahpend to me was well here goes... we get a call about 8 ocloc to meet up with sum people so we grab sum paint n go 1 of my mates is in only a singlet n shorts his school shorts might i ad. then we get to this place finaly use all our paint sumone sugests we go tot he shops to tax sum scisors so we can get a mix goin by this time we met with a masive group of people. when we get back minus the scicors the others had got sum and were chopin away all choped up with sum tobaco cos thats how we do it we need to find a suitable place we find a log n sit im about the 4 person in line im noob btw i pack my self a cone knowin im not gonna get another and if i did want one i probs be to smashd anyways i thub pack it n makeit about 5 times more than usual not to mention a biger cone peice to start with my mate looks at me like ur not gonna smoke that n the other guy goes geez u must smoke outdoors alot cos i had it down my jumper by this stage. anyways i manage to smoke it all gone not a bit left in there i stand there for a while woried that if i exhale il coff my mate goes exhale u idiot finaly i do n boyy do i coff like as i exahle i coff sukin it back in i look around feelin like im gonna puke but manage to sit down on the log again still coff coff coff away after about 10 minuts probably more we decide to leave i was feelin ok and quite relived i wasnt stoned because we had to walk home howver we reach an ovel and we decide to cut across so imedielty i try jump the fence to my suprise i cant so i roll over it and keep walkin then the ground became muddy it felt like i was walkin throo knee deep mud i bent down and felt the ground it was hard as rock it hadnt raind allday i was releived but walkin was hard felt as if walkin throo mud we reahced a large group of people on teh other side of the ovel and we talk for ages sudenly evry1 looks like charecters from video games im like wtf i wasnt halucinating just thinkin wow he looks like assasins creed guy or sumfin then we start walkin again jsut three of us and mate in shorts and singlet its nearly winter and fukin cold i was in jumper and i was freezing as we walk home throo the usual stoner trash we talk sum1 comes to a conclussin that we shud all be superheroes ina crew of super heros as we walk it starts to rain and it felt like cold ice running down my neck makin my spine tingle n makin me real scared as we walked past a group of people i nears shat my self when sum1 pointed i started to run then another group of people up ahead scared me so i stoped as the rain got heavier i slowd and joind my mates again sum1 sugested i go into a house and see wat i can find i very kindly refused so by now the rain is puring im like cold as fuk and im soaked can hardly walk still my mate in singlet n shorts walks on as we reach my mates road a truck goes past n splashes my other mate it was hell funy he was soakd like he jsut had a shower we started running and when we got back we went to finish the paint we had int he caravan walkin slowly down a wall i spray n then when im done i pull out a lights for no reason i set sumthin on fire and watch then my mate yells and he goes wat the fuck are you doin quick run so i do when i look back a bush was on fire i trip over and we get back tot eh carvan and wait we see red over the brick wall but it was ok not that bad but then the smoke started purin intot he van and my mates dad can smell it he goes is there a fire n my mate goes yeh i jim (nto real name) jsut lit it i go yeh n his dad laughs we wait and then he goes ot check it i thought by then that the sirens wer fire trucks n that the cops were comin for me then my mate returns after i shit my self thinkin he was arested n ses its out it was atiny fire anyways im laughin my head oof an go look at it my self very entertaingin then sum1 sugest i tick a g so i doo as u do and the whole procces starts again till i final crash asleeep to tired from playin video games... well not very funny cept the fact i was like shit scared the whole time shuda been there kinda thing but who cares u know. mind my spelling n puntuation im kinda shit at school as u might of gesd:leaf:
Click to expand...
Sorry Bro but FRAT.
 
Z

Zeeztac

Member
I have a few funnys..

1.) Me and 2 friends were walking in a field which is just behind a local store (co-op), out of no were we could hear this screaming, so we turned round and saw what looked like one of our friends, so we were like "oh, it's only him, he's havin a laugh". So me and a friend began to walk towards this screaming person, who was also walking towards us. I cannot stress how loud and awkward this screaming was, i'll go into more detail in a moment though. As we got closer we realised that it wasn't our friend, but it was a woman, middle-aged, dressed a bit badly with hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. At this point, we were all incredibly stoned. We all stopped and stared before we realised we should walk the other way as the woman was getting quite close at this point. So me, being an idiot, began to sprint in the opposite direction laughing my head off, followed by my 2 friends. The screaming was like shouting, but high pitched and LOUD. And she just kept screaming, walking, screaming.. Eventually we got onto a road and she was still following us, as she got onto the road we noticed she also had a bottle of vodka, she then walked into a random house on the road. I will remember that forever.

2.) Me and 2 friends sitting on a school yard stoned, it's quiet.. and then one of my friends just goes, "WHAT THE FUCK." We were like, whats up? He goes.. "I saw a spider walking.. and then.. it just.. took off!"

3.) Same day as the above, leaving the school one of my friends did the most ridiculous sneeze climbing over a fence, which was so loud and strange that I ran in the opposite direction until I fell over with laughter.

God these made me laugh typing them.
 
bongtokinjuggalo

bongtokinjuggalo

Well-Known Member
OK, 3 stories all involving more than weed. (OTC Cough medicine (Delsym!)

1) Me and 3 friends were all stoned and beginning to trip off the cough syrup, so we decide to walk to the high school (its like 1am). I was laying face down on the floor to begin with (theres a point to that). So we're walkin and halfway to the school I notice my body still feels like Im laying on the floor! Anyways, we get to the school, and my friend starts trying to climb the fence to the baseball field, then he just fall flat on his back. We're like "wtf?", he said his arms feel like anchors. Later we decided to lay down on the track. We layed there for what felt like 2 hours! But was only 5 minutes!

2) One nite me and 2 buddies were trippin, and we were with 2 sober guys. We were at the school destroying shit (kicking in AC vents, throwing plastic manhole covers, etc) Then one of the sober guys decides to take a piss, and just drops his pants and drawers to his ankles. Then proceeds to completely undress and and chase us! Then the other fuckin sober guy undresses and hugs him! (these guys are both sober and straight with girlfriends, ok maybe a lil gay) SO they decide to walk around with socks on their dicks for the rest of the night. I said " I'd do that to, but I dont have a baby sock". Then we walked to a rich neighborhood and went to this guys exgirlfriends house. Knocked on the window and her 13 year old sister pokes her head out to see 2 dudes with nothin but socks on their dicks.

3) 2 friends trippin on Delsym tryed lighting ciggarettes off the backlight of a cellphone
 
......

......

Well-Known Member
when I was 14 me and a friend were high as shit so we ripped a huge deaf kid sign out the ground and tied it to the back of my neighbors car and put it under it so he didn't notice it.He always speeds off,so he does it and the thing starts sparking like crazy and I think he ended up running it over to.He pulls over like 5 blocks away and starts bitching lol.We did this twice in a row and on the 3rd time he caught us and came out snapping.
1st time was the deaf kid sign
2nd was a do not enter sign and we actually locked it to the car with a bike chain.
3rd was 2 no parking on thursdays signs lol but he caught us as we were putting it on.
 
M

MRzerotolerance

Member
lol sorry bout that pile of shit befor i dont even remember writein that... somthin funny happend though, the other weekend we were all stoned and i had a gram in my hand, when the guy arived with the pizza. i tryed to pay him without even realising what i was doing i handed him the bud, he looks at me funny and laughs then ses mate id prefer the money in your other hand. i look at him dumbly and he ses that will be what ever price it was i cant remember, and i go ok and hand him the money he hands me the pizza and then before he leaves he ses here on the house and hands me back my gram i smile and say thank you very much, i turn to my shocked mates and say he gave us a gram on the house free with our pizza...
i thought their reactions were a bit odd.
they quickly told me what id done wrong when they had finishd rolling on the floor in hysteria ::D
Pizza-Pot--40809.jpg
 
T

Tweezer

Member
Here's a pretty recent one that happened last Friday:

So my last day of school before exams was Friday, so getting toasty before school was a must. I picked up my boy that I drive to school and went bowl for bowl. The night before, I grabbed a brownie from a friend, so I ate that right before I went into school. So im stoned as fuck on my way to gym and a random asain girl in a ninja costume passes me. My and my boy are looking at eachother like "wtf just happened?", but we continue our walk to gym. On our excursion, we pass a bunch of kids step dancing in the hallways as well, another wtf moment. So then, my brownie starts to kick in during dodgeball against the underclassmen and I was having trouble doing anything. Later that day, my enjoy who I never got along with hooked me up with all the answers to the study guide for our final as a truce after a long year.

Yes I know, not funny at all, but it was when it was all happeneing.
 
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