Funny God Jokes

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly, an Athiest's stone penis was thrown from out of the sky, and popped the woman's ass.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

Please help keep the funnies in, and the haters out!

Woodstock.Hippie said:

He who is without sin

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Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and shattered the woman's head.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

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haha I got a funny one

god is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

ahhhahh that is classic.

This one's kind of corny, but I thought it so here it is...What happened to God's dogs? They got lost in translation. Pretty bad I know, but I at least hope someone gets it.

ferrah faucett went to heaven and god asked her ferrah you have done good things on earth is there anything i can do for you? she said yes i want all the kids on earth to be safe. so micheal jackson died

Heres a different version of the he without sin (I have cut and pasted the start form yours WH)

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly a big stone is hurled from the crowd and smashes into the womans head.
"Will you fuck off home mother" Jesus says

heathaa said:

ferrah faucett went to heaven and god asked her ferrah you have done good things on earth is there anything i can do for you? she said yes i want all the kids on earth to be safe. so micheal jackson died

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For one: That joke is just wrong.
For Two: I have heard that joke soo many times and I still have to hold back a smile.
For Three: I just read it, I knew the punchline and it still made me laugh (not quite a LOL though).

Now if I could just remember it..........

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.

She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself...
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

A dyslexic atheist doesn't believe in dog.

dbo24242 said:

haha I got a funny one

god is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

ahhhahh that is classic.

Click to expand...

that shit is funny where was he at, when the gun man let loose at fort hood last week lol man you cant make this shit up

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

'And then there was light'

(Cracks me up every time)

Two nuns are bicycling down a cobblestone street. The first one says to the other "I haven't come this way before."
The second one replies "I know. It's the cobbles."

A middle-aged woman who was always worrying about dying had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a boob job.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"

Who would be stupid enuff to make fun of God, do u also sit around burning yourself with matches ???

No.

I sit around hatin' on others and enjoying being stupid in the "Funny God Jokes" thread.



There was this preacher who was an avid golfer.
Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.
It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do.
The urge to play golf overcame him.
He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church.
Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.
Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed.
He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing."
God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole.
He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away.
A perfect hole-in-one.
The preacher was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked.
He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

A streaker runs by 3 nuns.
1st nun has a stroke.
2nd nun has a stroke.
3rd nun,,,,never touches him.

A preacher lying on his death bed requested the presence of his lawyer and his banker. Both men, remembering the long sermons against greed + covetousness were in awe that they were invited. The priest grabbed both their hands and sighed in relief. Finally the lawyer spoke, "Um Preacher, why did you ask us to come to your death bed?" The preacher looked at both men and said, "Jesus died between two thieves, that's how I want to go."