Saul: Enjoy your last meal.
[
throws bills at Dale]
Saul: Here, supersize it, bitch.
[
throws change]
Ken: War is upon you! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
Budlofsky: [
Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can't. My wife can always tell. She can smell it on my sweater.
Matheson: [
laughs] You want my vest? It smell good.
Budlofsky: It's not my style.
Matheson: You ain't got no style, muthafucka.
Dale Denton: In case you haven't noticed - which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever - we are not very functional when we're high.
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you gotta say to that?
Dale Denton: Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit!
Saul: Don't fucking get on my case, all right? Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbeh in a nice retirement home.
Dale Denton: [
sarcastically] Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that.
Saul: She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot, what the hell do you do?
Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucker!
Red: Man, I'm just into Buddhism, and I'm at peace with the fact that me, as this person, probably gonna not be around. Think about a hermit crab, okay? And it's a shell. It's like, they go from one shell to the next. And that's what I am. I'm just a hermit crab changin' shells.
Dale Denton: Except if you're a dick your whole life, your next shell will be made of shit, okay? If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon. You'll come back as Jude Law, okay? Which would you rather be?
Red: Maybe the anal bead, depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton: Belongs to me.
Red: Then the dragon.
THIS IS MY GF'S FAVORITE ONE
Robert: Angie, you're a fucking idiot. I say that with love.
Robert: You assholes do exactly as I say, or I will take you outside and fuck you in the street!
Dale Denton: No! Don't fuck us anywhere!
