CALMAG IS NOT A THING

blueberrymilkshake

blueberrymilkshake

Well-Known Member
My girlfriend (who is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.

I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.

When I saw their calmag bottle I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what calmag was. That would be funny.

Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I'll tell you how.

So first when they saw me looking at it, I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"

They stared at me and the mother said "It's calmag." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a cal...what is it again?"

And she was like "cal...mag."

And I was like "Ah, 'calmag', oh interesting. Never heard of a 'calmag', looks sick, bro."

And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what calmag was. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a calmag is.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what calmag is? That I never heard of a calmag. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of calmag. Not only had I never used calmag, but had never heard the word calmag.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what calmag was is when the parents starting thinking I DID know what calmag was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what calmag was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of calmag. I still don't know what calmag is, other than some kind of master gardening bottled nute. I don't know what to tell you."

Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to skim over the label on the back and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said "This is what you use to get them AAA+ deps, right?"

That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing?" and my girlfriend went to some other room.

Finally the father said I should "Get the fuck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of calmag before. He didn't take that kindly.

Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what calmag is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what calmag is.

I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
 
S

ShawnSunshine

Well-Known Member
blueberrymilkshake said:
My girlfriend (who is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.

I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.

When I saw their calmag bottle I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what calmag was. That would be funny.

Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I'll tell you how.

So first when they saw me looking at it, I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"

They stared at me and the mother said "It's calmag." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a cal...what is it again?"

And she was like "cal...mag."

And I was like "Ah, 'calmag', oh interesting. Never heard of a 'calmag', looks sick, bro."

And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what calmag was. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a calmag is.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what calmag is? That I never heard of a calmag. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of calmag. Not only had I never used calmag, but had never heard the word calmag.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what calmag was is when the parents starting thinking I DID know what calmag was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what calmag was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of calmag. I still don't know what calmag is, other than some kind of master gardening bottled nute. I don't know what to tell you."

Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to skim over the label on the back and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said "This is what you use to get them AAA+ deps, right?"

That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing?" and my girlfriend went to some other room.

Finally the father said I should "Get the fuck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of calmag before. He didn't take that kindly.

Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what calmag is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what calmag is.

I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
Click to expand...
That does nute sound like a good situation.
 
PJ Diaz

PJ Diaz

Well-Known Member
blueberrymilkshake said:
My girlfriend (who is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.

I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.

When I saw their calmag bottle I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what calmag was. That would be funny.

Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I'll tell you how.

So first when they saw me looking at it, I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"

They stared at me and the mother said "It's calmag." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a cal...what is it again?"

And she was like "cal...mag."

And I was like "Ah, 'calmag', oh interesting. Never heard of a 'calmag', looks sick, bro."

And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what calmag was. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a calmag is.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what calmag is? That I never heard of a calmag. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of calmag. Not only had I never used calmag, but had never heard the word calmag.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what calmag was is when the parents starting thinking I DID know what calmag was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what calmag was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of calmag. I still don't know what calmag is, other than some kind of master gardening bottled nute. I don't know what to tell you."

Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to skim over the label on the back and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said "This is what you use to get them AAA+ deps, right?"

That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing?" and my girlfriend went to some other room.

Finally the father said I should "Get the fuck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of calmag before. He didn't take that kindly.

Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what calmag is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what calmag is.

I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
Click to expand...
So you thought it was a good idea to act like a clown to your girl's parents, and then lie to them when they called you on their BS, and then you double down and lied to your GF, but you wonder why they think you're an assclown? Hmm, maybe try to think about some assclown trying to date your future daughter and lying to your face.
 
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