Bipolar & Cannibus

Thank you for your response Lee. I think you hit the nail on the head you wanted to make a change for the better and didn't rely on anyone else. Very cool.

Some of the younger people on this forum (that are still wet behind the ears) think they know all. Believe me there is a lot of truth to the old saying with age comes wisdom. So try listening instead of thinking that you have all the answers.

Hi, lee ...

Your response was the very reason I posted about Aspartame. This stuff is found in most diet products like Diet soft drinks. It has been known to affect people in very strange ways, including mental disorders, anxiety, depression and symptoms of MS. It only takes a couple of weeks off of the stuff for normalcy to return.

Vi

Thank you, Lee, for sharing your success with cannibus.

I know I'm young. I'm more aware than most of my unkowns. A good mage is wise to his known unkowns, and makes every attempt to minimize his unknown unknowns ( to at least known unknowns). Most who have taken more than six months to get to known me have commented on a deep wisdom I hold. I'm not bragging by any means. But leading people (as I often have in spiritual settings with certain friends throughout my life) is a precarious task when one knows one cannot know the true truth. In fact the true unkowability of the Tao (as I make no qualms about the source of these statements I making now) is the most important point for any initiate mage to comprehend. I had to learn these principles blindly fumblimng around with base new age writings, bibles, and a pleathora of philosophy (Voltaire & Nietzchie ranking among my personal favorites). Principles such as Salient Dissiloution of Morale, The first step of Alchemy. Self-Removal (Bhuddist 3rd person seat), the second step. & Finally Identifying one's thread in the Tapestry, the third step (Aleister Crowley & the Golden dawn reffered to this as "getting in touch with one's Guardian Angel).

Teaching these things to someone who is lost and see's myself as having answers is difficult. Mostly because explaining that I have no answers, but that to find them one must completely abondon one's ego and become instrumental.

I in no way claim to have done these things to their fullest. But I do work at achieving them every day. One day I will be instrumental and the symphony will be beautiful when we are all playing together.

"The truth is...there is something seriously wrong with this country."
- V

I will have those verses I havent gotten a chance my life's been busy lately as I'm moving again soon so I don't get online as much as I'm saying a lot of goodbyes to some friends I haven't seen in years.

I realize I come across like I think I have a lot of wisdom and knowledge. I will clarify I merely wish to share what I have learned. I am more fishing for those who have developed congruent ideas about the spiritual and the material of the world we exist in. In truth, I confess, I feel as if my wisdom is sub-par and I can never get my hands on enough knowledge.

dude that is some ed up shit. smoke weed and it will all be beter

Eutha, listen to Mogie. Please. She is dead on with everything she posted. I am not MD but have intimate knowledge and personal experience living with someone with it earlier in my life. Take your meds. Forget the weed. Please.

"important point for any initiate mage to comprehend."


"Teaching these things to someone who is lost and see's myself as having answers is difficult."



euthanatos, take a moment and think about what you said.

you are claiming to be an "initiate mage" under your own training but the reality is that you can't initiate and train yourself. you can't just read some stuff and make yourself wise.

doesn't becoming wise require accepting wisdom from others?

aren't people in this thread offering you proven wisdom from their own lives?

what are you doing with their wisdom, euthanatos?



according to your post, you have been diagnosed with both manic depression and bipolar disorder. you have been untreated for 3 years and smoking marijuana does not, under any circumstances, count. despite that, you have decided that your wisdom for treating these issues is superior to countless physicians, scientists and experienced people on this board.

the fact is, you need to confront this head on and go to a doctor before you get yourself so twisted up in your own bullshit that you do something stupid. there are new meds, there is more research and you have a real shot at living a better life IF you take control and see someone who can help. you need someone to take a look at the big picture WITH you; that's how you get wise. work with the people who are already wise.



if you can't afford to go send me a PM, there is no reason to put it off.




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oh yeah, i hear ya boi

You are mistaken my wisdom is by no mean self generated. It is perhaps my own interpretation of some things. But even then I have read many accompanying commentaries and alterative interpretations. Some of the wisdoms I hold dear inside my heart:

Lau tzu - Tao te Ching

This is perhaps my most dear piece of wisdom. Reflection upon these words almost always gives me the answer I'm looking for.

The bible

Yeah I like this book theres a lot of good stuff here. You just have to learn how to filter out socio-economic/culutral factors that influence some of the older writings and hence affect defenition of the newer writtings.

Donald Micheal Craig - 11 lessons in the high magickal arts

Good place to start learning the basics of high ritual magic. But a little oversimplified for my taste really.

A.T. Mann - The Divine Life

Very powerful book. Wouldnt say I agree with everything in it. But it was very enlightening.

Israeli Regardi - The complete Golden Dawn

It's like an in depth book of magick & magickal history in the 20th century Golden Dawn.

Aleister Crowley (as an author in general)

Not a read for the light of heart. Highly metaphorical in places. Not to mention while he WAS RIGHT about a lot of stuff. His brain was so far out in left field discerning exactly WHAT is "right" isn't an easy task (Not one I"d say I'd accomplished by any means except in a few small places). Still a favorite author with many important magickal lessons to be shared.

Nietzchie

The Children shall inherit the earth. Are you just going to sit on your FAT ASS and hand them garbage when you kick the bucket? This is probably the most deep seated weapon I have in philosophy and magick against manic depression. It's the reason not only to "not commit suicide" or "not give up on life." It's the inspiration to change the world for the better. I have a destiny. Ignoring that I may as well commit suicide.

Nietzchie pushes me to face my destiny A.C shows me how. Magick is the tool with which I enter the arena prepared.

The Stone and the Flute by Hans Bemman (Post Translation Editor)

Possibly the most foundational to all of my philisophical ponderances. I believe this book, which I read at thirteen, inspired my neverending quest to discover the divine.

Magick isn't rituals & symbols; although, they can become effective foci & tools. Magick about looking in the mirror and knowing one's self. Magick POWER comes from the divine. Wisdom is the result of being honest with one's self, and the key to that power. Real power is bestowed only upon the wise. If one does not contain the right wisdom for one's magick one's magick will certainly not succeed. Though one who is not honest with one's self will not realize one's lack of success, for the Divine is not the only acting force upon our universe. However the other forces are not real. This may sound contradictory. I reccomend C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce for further understanding of unreality's impact on our universe.

I am not "initiated" in shit. I RARELY practice anything with physical foci. I cast my magick by praying. I listed an example of such in my initial diatribe.

As far as manic depression and pot aside from magick. I've TRIED PILLS. ALL OF THEM. They are either DOPE or completely ineffective. Lithium had a minor effect on my mood swings but nothing like what pot does for me. I ADMIT I SMOKE POT TO GET HIGH. But not every time I smoke. In fact most of the time I'm sated with a single hit of these midwest mids for about two hours or so. I just like to keep a therapudic dose in my system. However sometimes it's good to smoke a whole bowl when I've got the setting to make it spiritual experience or when I just need it to last that long. i realize your concern. Bipolar can hit some people pretty hard. I would consider my case to be a lesser case of Bipolar. Not because I feel that my mood swings arent gripping. But rather that I've met some individuals who's case was so powerful that it caused delerium, hallucinations, and complete unawareness of one's own state.

My Mania takes the form of a short burst of anger over trivial things. The worst I do is punch a brick wall. I realize SI isn't a healthy method of coping but pain distracts the consiousness when I can't (despite my self-realization) bring my mind to ground itself in the middle of the chemical intensity. I don't hit these manic episodes more than once a week if I'm smoking pot. More frequently (1-3 times a day) if I'm not. Depression is irrelivant to my pot smokage and pot really just takes my mind off of whatever is depressing me. I realize if I don't address my depressors I make really stupid decisions. I faced the major depressors in my life about 4 months ago and eliminated them. Litterally I cut those influences out of my life and moved about a hundred miles away to a place of spiritual reckoning (my hometown). Now I've been here just long enough to address some deep issues and I'm itching to get the heck out of here fast. Did you watch Orange County? Every great writer has a conflicted relationship with the place he grew up. I addressed many of the inner conflicts floating around my subconcious. Still have a few things left to work out before I'm ready to move on. But all in good time.

To be honest I"m actually a little sad that the only medicine that works for me is pot. I mean why the fuck do I gotta be stuck with an illegal medicine? I really wish they would have found something that worked for me. But in the end, if I WANTED to go try the pills again I couldn't. I don't have insurance & Medicaid won't cover me. And MJ is a LOT cheaper than the garbage the pharmies are chucking out. The pharmies are evil anyway so fuck it. =) TTFN!

SPECIFICALLY TO 7XSTALL -

Don't call my Religion BULLSHIT.

I JUST LISTED MY SOURCES OF WISDOM

You're obviously entirely IGNORANT of mental health. Bipolar and Manic Depression are the same damn thing. Manic Depression is just an old skool term that hasn't entirely phased itself out.

TO MOGIE

WTF? A. Lee is making a positive change with pot but because of my freakin religion I'm a nutcase who should go back into the system? MY story isn't much different from his I just don't like to talk about my times and tragedies in the system. That place was fucked the hell up.

Get real dude. I realize you lost your friend over religion & pot. Religion is some fucked up shit if your hand fed it from organized religion. Like A Lee said Pot isn't for everyone and some manic depressives shoudl never touch it. For others is the miracle drug. This is no different than the hit & miss scipt principle the pharmies use to treat bipolar with every other pill they churn out.

Anyone that can make a positive change in their life that is wonderful.

Too many people use religion as a crutch.

Young people are way too often the first to offer their advice from "experience".

Religion instills the injury that it crutches.

I have no fear. I grew up baptist. They taught me fear. I used salient dissiloution of morale to undo the knots the baptists tied me into when I was a kid. If ever I have fear, I pray, and I am calm and able to face the situation with a clear mind.

Perhaps I should have made no mention of my spirituality. Irrelivant now. Despite age, some of use willl always be "older" from the moment we are born.

I don't use religion to JUSTIFY my weed usage. I don't even feel I need to justify it.

But pardon me if I get a little peeved when people are saying my spirituality is just part of me being "crazy"

Fuck that man. I'm really a normal dude when it comes down to it I work every day and interact fairly well with other individuals (FAR better than in my youth). Episodes affect me only when I'm out of pot and I have a PLEATHORA of tools at my disposal to combat the episodes. I've devloped these tools from experience. Despite my age my life has been intense. And I learn something frrom every moment of it. I'm a freakin people watcher I psycho analyze EVERYONE that I may better understand myself. People are freakin machines. The brain operates on a set of functions. I KNOW what most of these functions are and if given enough knowledge of their history can calculate peoples mental processes and map their spiritual journey. All of this is merely the ability to tell someone who is ready to listen what their destiny holds for them. No, I'm NOT predicting the future. I'm just calculating how the human brain processes (or misprocesses based on poor programming) emotions and what decisions they'll be faced with and what they'll choose to do if they don't correct their misprogrammings from youth. Then I explain how to erase and reprogram for proper situation emotion reaction.

This is Salient Dissiloution of Morale. I've only had had a few students. Only one of whom I believe was receptive.

I'm not trying to warp anyones mind to my religion or magick. All the shit I throw around is not a lot more than basic psychology (which I have extensive knowledge from personal experience and research). I use my terms because they are processes that have meaning to me spiritually. But terminology is meaningless.

What it all boils down to is just being honest with yourself. The only reason I respond so vehemantly in the contradictory to your suggest that I go back to the pharmies is because I have been there. I know where that road goes. And I choose freedom and peace within my soul instead.

I'm not syaing that going to the pharmies is bad for every bipolar. I'm not saying that the ALL OR ANY bipolar should/should not smoke pot. I'm RELAYING my experience. I'm not giving advice here. I would not presume to give advice or guidance to anyone I did not know intimately (I do not mean Sexually). I'm not saying my spirituality is the path for everyone. Certainly not. It is not for the light of heart or mind. In fact, the path I choose to walk is riddled with garbage, misinformation and demons. I have divine light on my side. I know no better way to explain it. The knowledge I come across and the wisdom I read when faced with divine illumination makes it's true nature apparent. This is not an instant effect, that I may read something and know it to be "true" or "false". Good and evil are meaningless terms outside the perspective of the divine. A perspective that, should it be achieved, swallows one whole never to return. ahhh...I'm on a tangent and I think I'm just going to drop it. I need a fucking bowl. I've had no fucking weed today can you tell?

I won't deny that my last few posting are the result of a light manic state. Nothing bad, just that at the moment I feel very intense and passionate. Problematic episodes won't begin for a few weeks without weed. Mostly because without weed its very difficult to sleep. Which kicks my swings into gear. Only reason I slept last night was because I got high. Night prior...no weed no sleep=36hrs awake=episodes. So yeah I'm little "high" right now and not on weed. But it'll pass. I'll probably get allitle depressed tonight or tommorow sometime. But no matter what I know what love is, and that will always ground me.

euthanatos93420 said:

SPECIFICALLY TO 7XSTALL -

Don't call my Religion BULLSHIT.

I JUST LISTED MY SOURCES OF WISDOM

You're obviously entirely IGNORANT of mental health. Bipolar and Manic Depression are the same damn thing. Manic Depression is just an old skool term that hasn't entirely phased itself out.

Click to expand...

i didn't call your religion BS. i'm talking about whatever rationalizations you use to keep yourself from going to see a Dr.

even if you are doing much better now, and it's entirely possible that you are, you should still check in with an M.D., a psychiatrist won't report you for drug use. if nothing else you could help to shed light on some things that are not very well understood.




.

Your right you didnt outright call my religion BS. You said my method or procuring wisdom was a folly. Same damn shit.

No it's not the same. Wisdom and religion are two different things.

Jesus touched me, down there.

I sent you a PM euthanatos, enjoy!

Religion and wisdom are two entirely different things yes. But they are intertwined so deeply that the degenration of one invariably produces the degeneration of the other within the individual. So insulting one is by proxy and insult to the other.

And I am here and not toking cuz I'm so freaking out...

...of weed.

but tommorow is payday! YAY!

So I will wait through another sleepless night. It'd be three in a row now if my best friends sister hadn't hooked me up last night. I slept like a bear in the winter...from like 10pm - 1am =D