You talk as if you think i have never tried to seek enlightenment, as if i haven't tried with all of everything i am to experience god. Months of solitude, months of meditation, countless days spent in thought and in prayer. I probably know more about every cultures religion than you could even imagine, and i have tried many different ways to assert my faith in the supernatural. I have tried more ways than you could ever think of to achieve this certain attainment of a knowledge of god, or reality, existence and death.
You misunderstand. I've tried faith for years, it made me feel great. But the truth kept slowly crawling back to me, every single time i found a belief system i could find comfort in, the doubt started to creep in. The part of me that dearly relies on honesty within myself will not allow me to give myself the comforts of false truths or certainties in the absence of them.
Yes, i have had an experience that many would call "enlightenment" but you must understand, and i just got done explaining this to Neer. That the experience of enlightenment is just that, an experience. That once we give it meaning we change it from what it was, an unexplainable overpowering experience... into exactly what we want it to be, into exactly what we perceive it to be (which is exactly what it is not). When we do this, we change that experience into what we want instead of leaving it as it is.
Depending on what culture we were brought up in, dictates how we describe and define our enlightenment. Almost everyone is different, but only because of the meanings we give it. If we are to leave it as it is, we understand that we don't really know what the fuck just happened when we experienced it, but all we can know is that it fucking happened, and it was super crazy. But as soon as you try to define it, you change it.
Yet i still assert the fact that no matter how hard you try, or how much dmt or mushrooms you ingest, no matter how much faith you have... you still cannot be certain whether or not your (mine, and everyone's) beliefs about what reality really is, existence, and death are true, or false.
You do know that it is possible to think that god is real, and live your life as if it is real, while still being courageous enough to accept the fact that you do not know right?
All of us fallible human animals could be wrong, or right about our beliefs. Your certainty in god, only points out your desperation of it's existence.
I merely have uncertainties, because i understand that my beliefs have the possibility of being wrong. You are too scared to accept that fact.
lol