Oh, short for eso-teric.
Followed a Sikh guru, Prem Pal Singh and his minions around until they felt I was ready. "You must thirst for this Knowledge as if it were your last breath." Funny thing, thoughi, is your last breath. Hard to explian. Darshan (presence) always makes me weep. Joyful crying. Don't need physicality any more to experience it. Just constant meditation.
Later, about 24 years, I was introduced to, distinctly American, Ekankar. Levels of initialtion, the first is a dream state, meditation initiiation. You need a lot of couriosity to buy tinto hat one. But, sure enough. after some weeks, there is was, clear as a bell. Seemed like it was actually happening. I guess it was. But, Shri Darwin pointed and motioned to a little opening at the back of the cave, after only a little of his presence. I took that to be the route through.
So, here I am, now. The way, the truth, the light. No man may come unto the Father, except through the Self.