scotia1982
Well-Known Member
Scotlands a big place m8you live in the north thats all you should say, dont go giving up ya home address or u will have police knocking
why do you want to pm me so much???
The UK Growers Thread!
- Thread starter lozac123
- Start date
baklawa
Active Member
The other day a pipe exploded inside the house so I called a plumber at random (Googled plumbers in the area). The bloke who turned up was one stage beyond mashed (you know, that stage when you can't stop laughing at a crack in the wall). He kept running to his van to get a wrench and returning 15 minutes later empty-handed, staring blankly at the flooded floor, then whacking his forehead and saying "Left my wrench in the van!"
After this happened the ninth time, I winked and said "herbal amnesia, mate."
He suddenly seemed to realize I was an "outsider" (i.e. not a local inbred, married to his third cousin and distantly related to his mum).
"I'll need to check in daylight," he snapped, backing away.
"So I can expect you next July, then?" I joked (it was pretty much dark at 2 pm that day).
"I'll call you," he muttered... and vanished.
Oddly enough, the next plumber I found was high too. Maybe this is how the locals survive the winter?
After this happened the ninth time, I winked and said "herbal amnesia, mate."
He suddenly seemed to realize I was an "outsider" (i.e. not a local inbred, married to his third cousin and distantly related to his mum).
"I'll need to check in daylight," he snapped, backing away.
"So I can expect you next July, then?" I joked (it was pretty much dark at 2 pm that day).
"I'll call you," he muttered... and vanished.
Oddly enough, the next plumber I found was high too. Maybe this is how the locals survive the winter?
baklawa
Active Member
You're so sweet, you can have my baby's arm for free
But actually my brilliant cyber-sleuthing yesterday took me to this website pretty early on, and the closest city to mine (mine is not featured in their directory, bizarrely - despite all the stoned plumbers) is only about half an hour's drive away... But I tried visualizing the next step after I read the instructions... And no matter how many different scenarios I tested in my mind, basically they all ground to an awkward halt as soon as "the lads" on "XYZ Drive" clocked the fact that I was female, well-spoken, fairly neat, healthy and respectable-looking, and had a small child growling and barking at them from between my knees.
cheddar1985
Well-Known Member
Wots up peeps every1 playing nicely i see!!
Don Gin and Ton
Well-Known Member
You're so sweet, you can have my baby's arm for free
probs best not to go about offering people your babies arm they might take it the wrong way pet. 
wiimb
New Member
Just smoking a fatty now pal, will be baked after
cheddar1985
Well-Known Member
Yes its my blue staffy not a baby any more tho but still stunnin like all my bitches lol
cheddar1985
Well-Known Member
Haha westy dont see u over here much pal u on vacation?? Lolmy heads buzzing nicely after a chronic and bubble hash biffta>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
thats pretty much been my day lol coulda done with the cash but never mind 
tip top toker
Well-Known Member
Lol, so they're trying to criminalise smoking in cars good luck with that one.
Life is too easy, who needs parenting skills when you can have legislation instead
good luck with that one.Life is too easy, who needs parenting skills when you can have legislation instead
Beansly
RIU Bulldog
I'm sure you're liver appreciates the time off man. You're a better man than I.
UKHG
Well-Known Member
yeh what about this cctv iin taxi lark! keeps recording after the engines turned off for 30 mins even wtf total invasion of privacey,
i say this wen u just red that chavvys banning smoking in cars comment like wtf!
BUT on the other handthe cams would stop the paki kerb crawling cabbies and them letting ther uncles cousins 15th nephews eldest doughter sons eldest to drive on his licence!
madness at its utter best gotta love the uk!
i say this wen u just red that chavvys banning smoking in cars comment like wtf!
BUT on the other handthe cams would stop the paki kerb crawling cabbies and them letting ther uncles cousins 15th nephews eldest doughter sons eldest to drive on his licence!
madness at its utter best gotta love the uk!
dura72
Well-Known Member
its my kidneys that seem to be giving me trouble recently, some days i cant get out of bed after serious drinking. i cant see me ever totally giving it up but im definetly heading towards only occasional sessions.
baklawa
Active Member
Me again. Majority of bolshiness expired, defeated, evaporated. *hanging head* I'm sure it's all making me a nicer person in the long run, all this humiliation and failure. But it sucks in the short run 
So I tried my luck again. I actually went to the local grower, who turned out to be a rather confused bloke wondering why people kept approaching him about herbs. Turns out he'd been impersonated by somebody who didn't like him (or wanted a respectable front for their farm). Or, well, that was his story anyway. Even worse, I was so uncool and flustered that I ended up telling him my real name (and when it's something like Hoggleswart Sodthisforalark, it's pretty unforgettable).
So, ok, any of you happy puffers out there feeling a little trigger-happy? Because I've given up on looking for a herbalist and now I just need somebody to shoot me
So I tried my luck again. I actually went to the local grower, who turned out to be a rather confused bloke wondering why people kept approaching him about herbs. Turns out he'd been impersonated by somebody who didn't like him (or wanted a respectable front for their farm). Or, well, that was his story anyway. Even worse, I was so uncool and flustered that I ended up telling him my real name (and when it's something like Hoggleswart Sodthisforalark, it's pretty unforgettable).
So, ok, any of you happy puffers out there feeling a little trigger-happy? Because I've given up on looking for a herbalist and now I just need somebody to shoot me