im gonna go out on a limb here and tell you my biggest darkest secret, NOBODY kno's about this because im so ashamed, and its so fucked up imo. Ive been with my girlfriend for over 6 years now, and things are getting pretty awkward.
I blame this entirely on internet porn. Several years ago, when i finally got a computer and internet, i started getting "addicted" to porn. First thing i started looking at barely legal teens...that sort of stuff, then after awhile i would go threw these different fetish stages. like for awhile i had an asain fetish, then i went threw pregnant porn ( i kno thats sick but it gets worst) then redhead porn, and just a bunch of random sick shit.
Well... one day... out of the blue...i come across this picture of a hot young girl, but when i scroll down, she has a dick.............and for some reason, i was so fucking aroused by this. Before this exact moment, i have NEVER had a gay thought in my mind. i have always been very comfortable with my sexuality (before i thought i was gay) and i have never in my life ever been attracted to any male, but for some reason, im atraccted to "shemales" or whatever you want to call them.
After im done jerking to this, i feel so fucking discusted with myself. everyday i cant help but to look in the mirror and see a sick faggit. Im from texas and the way i was raised, being gay is a serious no no. i have 2 bro's, friends that ive known since elementary, i just cannot and will not ever tell them.
What makes this even worst. im 99% sure my gf has seen what i look at. for awhile she would always call me gay or fag, and inside that fucking kills me. i have no prob with people being gay, i have a gay friend, but i cant accept im gay, and i find it exremely offensive if som1 were to call me gay.
i just hate myself now really, i have no idea what to do. i love my gf alot. we talk about marrage and kids all the time....im just 1 fucked up person