Funny how...... people offer to help me all the time, over and over, and they seem so happy to offer, to give the gesture..... "anytime" they say....... then I call em up, one by one, and say "whatcha doin"....... they say "nothing, just hanging out"..... and I say..... "wanna come help do some work? I will even pay you for the day, cash AND compensation"
....... then there is that silence, the pause, the hesitation....."yeah, sure, let me call you right back"..... and four hours later, Im working alone, and when Im sweating a river, my hands and arms are shaking, and my vision starts fading, I take a break....... and Im by myself, surveying the work I have done, organizing the next steps in the tasks, I feel alone and helpless, but confident and accomplished....... some water, and thoughts about the reasons I do what I do, when I do it, and how I do it and I am ready to get back into work..... my mind floats as I go laboring into it, visions of my childrens facial expressions my wifes beautiful body flash everytime I blink and their angelic sweet voices sing to me in the back of my mind.... as background music to Mom and Dads voices pounding out proverbial phrases..... "It is what it is", "Life is beautiful on its own", "Put your heart in your work", "only when you love life, will it love you back", "family, friends, hard work, those are the true gold nuggets in life", etc etc. ...... they come in waves with my own bodies motions, they are the breaks between my conscious thoughts that are focused on the work in front of me........ so when all the work is done, in the evening time as things are cooling down, my buddies call me back.... "still want me to come help?"...... "works done" I say...... another pause.... moment of silence..... I can tell they can feel the tone of my voice across the phone line, that it shivers down their spine...... "sorry bro, (this or that) happened...." .......I cut them off "it is what it is, and I love you the same"..... and they can hear my voice pick up as I say it........ "can I come see how it came out?".......
There is no silence this time. My immediate response is : "Of course my brother, better get on over here quick cuz Im just pulling the steaks and burgers off the grill, and Lavenderstars has made a feast. Come on over, and we can watch the sunset and puff one together. I will even send you home with a little tasty treat courtesy my good friends Chemo Cindy and Purple Kush."
I smile to myself as I say it, and physically feel my heart expand. I look over at my Beautiful amazing lavenderstar. With a look of love and confirmation, no words spoken between us, she starts pulling out the extra chairs.
"be right over" my buddies say....... and as I hang up the phone, I realize- She made enough for my family, and the four extra of them. She even bought some brew (We don't drink)...... and the tears well up for her..... She is the largest most brilliant gold nugget I have......... I realize that her and our children Are my lifes dream
Later as Im seeing my friends out the door, she is in my arms..... my children at my feet.....
I know I put in a good days work...... that I enjoyed it to the best I could..... I know my heart is complete.
That my life is a garden, it is my labour of love.....
