Wake n Bake, Nothing Better!

K

korvette1977

Well-Known Member
puffdamagikdragon said:
Since we are on the subject...

Here is a laff for all of you this fine morning, while we get high and start our days........


My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my deyû*·; the
bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, get them
warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and
you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ( 'cold wax'yeah.....right!) (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward
body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of bikini line,
covering the right half of my v-g-na and stretching down to the inside
of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of
the strip. crap!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP.

Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out.......must stay conscious....Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...... OK, back
to normal.

I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on
the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. Crap! I run my fingers over the
most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake remember my foot is still propped up on
the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
noo!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!

I hear the slamming of the cell door. V-g-n- Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut.

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off' Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
the wax covered bits and the waxshould melt and I can gently wipe it off
right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to porcelin!!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a
phone in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my
butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight
pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal, but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
'Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go
through various solutions.

I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then
to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the
tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!! By now
the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I am pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids,
scared the dickens out of my friend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT
WORKS!! It works!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair THE HAIR IS STILL THERE ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now....Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.


Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Click to expand...

Ive read this before on Inforoo.org ( Is this alyson wonderland)

Or my space ... Interseting
 
puffdamagikdragon

puffdamagikdragon

Well-Known Member
I'm ready for my close up, Mr Devel.

I like to thank the academy, and all the little people that got me here.....


Heh heh, just glad it ain't my personal expereince, tho I did have a funny incident when i thought I would use that creme hair removal down there..... Turns out if it don't SAY 'bikini area' you BETTER not use it down there! :shock:
 
misshestermoffitt

misshestermoffitt

New Member
I bought that stuff called "nads" one time, it's gooey and sticky and the shit doesn't work. Now if you are in a good mood and want to be completely pissed off, try using that stuff. That's about all it's good for.
 
misshestermoffitt

misshestermoffitt

New Member
My daughter knows girls that shave their arms. She tried to tell them if they keep that up they're going to look like apes when they're 40, but they keep on doing it. Young people, sigh.....
 
Sunnysideup

Sunnysideup

Well-Known Member
The first time I had my bikini hair waxed I was like the chick in Puff's story. My mom took me to an old, fat Russian lady and when she put that hot wax on my tender area I thought I was going to die, little did I know that wasn't the worst part of it....MY GOD when she ripped the first side I was done. I wrestled with her and screamed my head off. She sat on me and did the other half. I was crying and when I stepped out of the door my mom was sitting there totally red faced with tears running down her face cause she was laughing so hard....Ahhhh, good times.
That was 20 years ago, now I am pretty much used to the torture.
 
Sunnysideup

Sunnysideup

Well-Known Member
diemdepyro said:
If my mommie did that I would be in therapy..lol
Click to expand...
My mom was so funny. If it was something strange she was in for it. Usually, at my expense....:shock: But, yeah I didn't walk right for a few days. She knew I would of beat the hell out of some little american girl so she took me to the russian lady. That lady did not speak a word of english and would just smile at me real nice like a grandmother and then she would take over! I had no choice but to leave that room waxed....my mom said there was no other way. LOL, she just liked seeing me tortured!! Oh well, as long as she laughed it is all good...love my momma.
 
Twistyman

Twistyman

Well-Known Member
diemdepyro said:
If I wrote a sleep journal that would be page one. Sleep eludes me. It is always something.
Click to expand...
I've been like that all my life.. I just went to the store and it seems my voice has eluded me.... I'm squeaking all over the place....:shock:

diemdepyro said:
Wow I am glad I am not a woman...Holy Shit. Does it hurt?
Click to expand...
misshestermoffitt said:
:shock: O U C H :o Damn you are a brave woman, I had my eyebrows waxed ONCE and that was some painful shit. I can't imagine waxing more tender areas.
Click to expand...
I saw this thing on TV about bung hole bleaching... good grief...:shock:

diemdepyro said:
Puff that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.
Change your screen name to Iluvlucy.
Click to expand...
Shit puff.. I had to use my inhaler... thats some funny (NOT) stuff.... you really put the accent on the story with the NO RUNS NOW twist...:clap::clap:

 
misshestermoffitt

misshestermoffitt

New Member
Bung Holes R us........ this site has got some really funny shit going on today.

I think if you are able to see your own bunghole to know it needs bleached, you've got way to many mirrors in your house.
 
Sunnysideup

Sunnysideup

Well-Known Member
I would bleach bungholes, if it is in demand. Do 10 bungholes a day for a $100 each, gross $1000 a day all for a little bleaching. I would take that job and be proud to be an employee of 'BungHoles R Us':-P
 
Twistyman

Twistyman

Well-Known Member
Sunnysideup said:
I would bleach bungholes, if it is in demand. Do 10 bungholes a day for a $100 each, gross $1000 a day all for a little bleaching. I would take that job and be proud to be an employee of 'BungHoles R Us':-P
Click to expand...
Whats next....!! Bounce pads..for a fluffier fluffy....... :o:o
 
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