Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes when I'm down in the water and I look up toward the surface and catch the few rays of sunlight that penetrate into the water, that cyan color and the feeling of weightlessness relieving me of chronic lower back pain, it's like a moment of clarity and I forget my grudge against our creator and thank God for giving me back a little bit of what I lost. It makes me want to help the other guys like us get some of it too, somehow, in whatever way will work for them.
Sometimes out on diving boats in remote locations where it is dark enough to see the stars better, I get a sense of my place in the universe. It's like I have a "good flashback" to the times in Afghanistan when I could see all the stars. Somehow that makes me loosen up from the fear of having to re-experience the bad times that made me hate my existence.
Once, in Thailand, on Koh Phi Phi Don, I was way up the hill and I woke up early morning to the sound of a mosque playing the call to prayer. I had a good shroom trip the previous day and still had a strong sense of well-being. Previously, I think the prayer on the loudspeaker would have been dreadful. In Deh Rawood Afghanistan, my unit was attacked daily and they would use the prayer on the loudspeaker as a signal, then attack and run away. We never knew which one they would use, which time of day and it played 5 times a day. Some days they wouldn't attack, but no matter what, when it played, my nerves would wind up and I would think about who might not survive the next few minutes. Even a decade later in 2012 when I was in a walmart and I heard a loudspeaker call for a clerk to come to a particular register, the sound began with that shrill feedback of a loudspeaker and make me feel like I was back there again. I got a rush of adrenaline and felt the worry of who would be harmed. I thought about my rifle and looked for cover. It was just a split second but the strain it put on my heart might have taken years off my life. But that day in Thailand when the prayer played, I was at peace. I had no flashback.