new to the forums and wanted to share my marijuana experience. i need some help..
i started smoking weed at 15, i turn 21 in may. at age 15-17 it was about 2-4 times a day, as i got older i started smoking more and more, about 3-6 times a day. i have never taken a break from weed, ever... the longest i went without weed was for about 3 days when i was in st thomas for a vacation. cor those that want to know when i first started smoking it was through chocolate cigarellos up until about 18 when i started smoking backwoods. when i first started smoking weed it was so great, it used to make me so happy and energetic but it seemed to derail after my second year of using it. at around 16-17 years old i seemed to develop sometype of anxiety disorder. i would get really nervous and anxious whenever i would walk.... whether it be in front of large crowds or a small group or if someone was behind me watching. it happens EVERY single time and still happens to this day smh. my heart would start racing, i would get random thoughts on what they thought of me, i would even start walking funny (missing a step, tripping over my own shoes). it happens alot the only time i realized that it doesnt happen is when im drunk (Lol) and im not a heavy drinker whatsoever. ive never told anybody about this problem and it drives me crazy.
up until about two months ago i ran into another slight problem. ive been messing with this chick (girl #1) that has a boyfriend. we worked at our job together and we had a mutual understanding. shes 30 and im 20. i ended up getting fired from the job the beggining of feb which was kinda her fault. it kindve made me feel resent her a bit and losing my job sucked cause i loved it there, it definitely was on my mind heavy and made my anxiety bad.
shortly after me getting fired, she went on a two week long vacation with him and when she got back i felt pretty shitty. My anxiety started coming alot stronger and i started getting thoughts that she'll stop messing with me to focus on her dude. i went to go see her and my anxiety was all over the place. of course i was high going to her place and of course we smoked there, shes a smoker too. we would be talking and i would be thinking something in my head that wasnt about the topic being discussed, i was out of it. things got interesting and we were about to have sex, my anxiety went thru the roof. i managed to get erect but as soon as we starting hving sex my thoughts started going crazy. i was thinking..maybe im not good enough, maybe she'll leave me after today, about 30 secs in i got soft. this has never happened to me before i was shocked that i actually got soft on her. we stopped, chilled for a bit and watched tv. im thinkin wtf is going with me right now my mind is going crazy, we eventually try again. i tried but failed miserably in trying to get hard. going home was a nightmare, i was having so many thoughts like what if my sex is bad? what if she stops messing with me?
i go back to her house for round 2 to see if i can get hard and no good. on the way there the only thing on my mind is "am i gonna get hard?". i could not get that off my mind it was killing me. i couldnt get hard at all again and it killed me inside... so i planned that night to go see another girl to have sex with her. went to that girls house and my anxiety is booming. im having the same thoughts as with the other girl and I couldn't get hard either. i go home....sleep...wake up and that night went to see girl #2 again to see if i can get hard and i CANT. its in my head its eating me inside. so now im 0-4 with two different girls and me having erectile dysfunction is in my head. its all im thinking about i try to play video games and im still thinking about it.
so another girl (#3) comes to chill with me, she usually only gives me oral and leaves but i actually asked to have sex with her after she gave me oral and she said yes and it turned me on. i had sex with her, i can tell she doesnt have sex alot so i wanted to get my nut off as soon as possible, im also still thinkin about getting soft but the emotions of having sex with someone new took over, so it was pretty short. it made me feel so relieved that i had sex with her that i went back to girl #1.
went to girl #1's house and of course anxiety is always there but creeps back up with a force. im unable to get hard with her. i feel like shit once again almost feel worse than before. i googled ED, what causes erectile dysfunction, if weed helps or makes it worse, if me smoking so early and so heavy has caused my brain to become underdeveloped or if i have an anxiety disorder
now that i reflect on marijuana, it has done more harm than good in my life. i feel like im a shell of what i couldve been without weed. i feel like i have an anxiety disorder because of it. i wake up feeling down when i know im really blessed to be alive have a family that love and supports me. im extremely lazy i dont ever leave the house 90% of the time that i do its to smoke. right now im still going on with this problem and im still smoking weed everyday non stop.
knowing how i get when i walk in large crowds which has been a problem for me for years and how i let this erectile dysfunction shit get to my head i feel like i do have an anxiety disorder. i feel like i should go to the doctor and i feel i should quit weed but i havent yet. im going through all of this at the moment and i would like for someone to shed some light on weed and anxiety. any remedies or advice that u guys have is appreciated.
